Chapter 24: Snow on the Rooftop

By the time I returned to the hotel, it was completely dark. The cold made me shiver, and a heaviness had settled over me. I wanted someone to talk to.
“Ji Feiyang, where are you?”
He was the only person I could call.
“You’re back? What is it?”
“Do I need a reason to call you? I’m bored. I want someone to talk to.”
“Can you stand the cold?”
“Why?”
“If you can, come up. I’m on the roof of my house. Bring an extra jacket.”
After fetching a sky-blue down jacket from my room, I hurried over.
The wind on the roof was fierce enough to make standing difficult. Luckily, my hair was tied back. Otherwise, it would have been flying around my head like some wild-haired martial arts villainess.
Hands tucked into my pockets and neck drawn down into my collar, I stepped outside.
Ji Feiyang sat in a white plastic chair, one hand resting on his thigh and the other on the railing. Several cans of beer stood beside his arm. He held one and was drinking from it.
There were no lights on the roof, no stars and no moon. Only the lights scattered near and far allowed me to make out our surroundings. His face was little more than a faint outline.
As I approached, he handed me a can.
“Have a little. It’ll warm you up.”
An identical white chair stood beside his, apparently set out for me.
I pulled the tab and took a few sips.
Ji Feiyang gazed silently at the city. Above us, the sky seemed solid and still; below, the lights glowed brightly.
“Why come up here to drink when it’s so cold? Why not stay inside?”
“The view’s more open. And I like the wind.”
He wasn’t wearing much, but he didn’t seem to feel the cold.
Leaning against the railing, I looked down at the scattered points of light. Despite the bright city lights, the streets were quiet in the winter cold. Buildings that usually towered over me looked small from here, spread out below us.
Something inside me eased.
“It’s beautiful up here,” I said.
Ji Feiyang gave a faint smile and continued drinking.
Still feeling low, I didn’t say much. We drank quietly together beneath the bare black sky.
After a long while, he asked, “Why aren’t you talking?”
“What should I say? I’ve got nothing to talk about.”
“That isn’t like you.”
“You wanted me to change, didn’t you? Good girls don’t chatter all the time.”
I said it quite seriously, then fell silent again.
A little later, he asked, “Are you feeling that bad?”
Now that I’d stopped talking, he seemed to have plenty to say.
“Am I?”
“It’s written all over your face.”
“Is it?”
“You look thoroughly miserable. What do you think?”
He was right. I’d wanted company, but now that someone was beside me, all I wanted was a little quiet.
Turning away, I said nothing.
He gave me a nudge.
“You really are in a bad mood.”
When I didn’t answer, he added, “You’re far too young to sit there looking like a gloomy old woman.”
“Who are you calling an old woman?”
“Try not to worry. Xueyou will get better.”
“She’s not your sister. And you’re not the one who did this to her. Of course it’s easy for you to say.”
I kept telling myself that my sister would recover. But whenever that belief faltered, fear swallowed me whole.
“At least you still have hope,” he said. “I don’t.”
I looked at him, unsure what he meant.
“My dad… He’s never coming back.”
He drained the rest of his beer.
“You miss your dad too?”
Somehow, it hadn’t occurred to me that a grown man would miss his father. He didn’t seem particularly sentimental either.
“That’s a strange question.”
“You don’t seem like that kind of person. And I’ve never heard you mention him.”
“A grown man talking about his dad all day? People would laugh.”
“Jiajia told me he died while you were at university.”
He nodded.
After a thoughtful pause, his expression grew sombre.
“It happened very suddenly.”
My attention fixed entirely on him. I’d never seen him look so vulnerable, so sad.
“That’s why, even after all these years, I still struggle to accept it. My mother was very strict. If I did badly in an exam, she’d hit me with a clothes hanger. Whenever that happened, I’d go looking for Dad. Once I found him, I was safe.”
“Your mother does look strict. You poor thing.”
“Compared with me, you’ve had it easy. You have your parents, your brother and your sister. Whatever happens, there’s always someone to shield you. Sometimes I think that, as long as you behaved yourself and stayed out of trouble, there’d be nothing wrong with letting your family protect you. At least the world would still look beautiful to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Before Dad died, I was sheltered too. Just like you. Afterwards, my world changed completely. It turned ugly.
“The hotels were struggling to stay open. Staff were resigning every day. We had to borrow money just to keep going, and suddenly our friends and relatives treated us differently. Some wouldn’t lend us anything. That was one thing, but a few had to add cruel remarks as well.
“We sold the house, the cars—anything we could sell. The world felt so cold then. Even now, remembering how close we came to having nothing frightens me.
“I had no work experience. All the social skills I thought I had turned out to be useless when it mattered. Those first few years taught me some hard lessons.
“One of my father’s brothers took the opportunity to poach a lot of our experienced staff. He even forced us to transfer one of the hotels to him. We still don’t speak. Since we’re in the same business, there’s been no shortage of bad blood over the years.”
I listened without a word.
The cold no longer registered. My heart only grew heavier.
“Whenever things get to me, I come up here. I used to ask myself why the world was like this. Eventually, I understood. It had always been this way. I’d simply been too well protected to see it.”
Long after he stopped speaking, I couldn’t settle my thoughts.
Jiajia had told me his family had been through difficulties, but I’d imagined a few minor setbacks that he’d overcome with ease.
Only tonight did I understand how hard it had really been.
“Yijun, I’m telling you this because I want you to appreciate what you have. You’re fortunate.”
Perhaps I was.
Weiwei suddenly came to mind.
Yes. Being born into the Tang family—being Tang Yijun—perhaps that was a stroke of luck.
“Are things… getting to you tonight?” I asked softly.
“Not particularly. I’m used to it now. Coming up here for a drink doesn’t always mean something’s wrong. It’s become a habit. When I have some free time, I like to come up and enjoy the breeze.”
His eyes were calm and deep, though sometimes they held a weary coldness. Perhaps that was what remained after everything he’d been through.
The wind eased.
Then fine flakes of snow began to fall.
Like tiny wisps of white cotton, they drifted down, settling on our clothes and melting into droplets.
“It’s snowing!”
I threw my hands into the air, trying to catch a whole snowflake.
When one finally landed intact, I held it out to Ji Feiyang.
“Look! I caught one!”
Then I went after another, skipping across the broad, flat rooftop and catching flake after flake. Meltwater soaked my sleeves.
Amid the gathering whiteness, his eyes seemed especially bright.
The snow grew heavier and fell faster. Before long, white was spreading all around us.
I was having a wonderful time when Ji Feiyang pulled me downstairs.
Brushing the snow from my jacket, he said, “Your hair’s wet. You’ll catch a chill.”
“I don’t mind. A few days in bed, and I won’t have to work.”
“Who says being ill gets you out of work? You’ll still be coming in, Tang Yijun.”
I smiled at him.
I knew he was looking out for me.
Watching Ji Feiyang and thinking of my sister, I understood for the first time how precious life was.
Like a river flowing into the sea, it never turned back.
Once it was gone, it was gone.