Chapter 9

But the pain reduced the words at my lips to a hoarse moan.

My legs were spread, a slice of ginseng in my mouth. Jiuqu clutched my hand while the midwife at my ear kept telling me to push.

The wedding music in the night grew louder, and the officiant’s calls carried on the wind, seeming only to make the pain worse.

I could not remember how many times the agony had crashed over me, or how many times I had pushed. It felt as though my whole body were being burned on a bed of flames bristling with sharp blades.

Suddenly, drums and music thundered, bronze gongs rang, and a shrill cry of “The ceremony is complete!” echoed throughout the Eastern Palace.

At that very moment, pain as if splitting my body in two seized me. I struggled to sit up and could not keep from crying out.

Then my body suddenly felt light.

After two sharp smacks, a weak cry, like a kitten’s mewl, rang softly through the room.

Before I lost consciousness completely, I heard Jiuqu say, “Mingyue, it’s a girl.”

My daughter, Zhou Wangshu.

25

When I woke, it was already midday the next day. My throat burned as if scorched by fire.

I did not see Zhou Hui.

Jiuqu handed me a bundle of swaddling cloth. Inside was a tiny face no bigger than my palm, red and wrinkled, sleeping soundly.

She watched my expression carefully. “His Highness had his wedding night yesterday. This morning he had to pay his respects to the Emperor and offer incense at the ancestral temple. Noble Consort Shu said to tell you a little later.”

I ought to have been heartbroken.

But looking at Wangshu’s wrinkled little face, I suddenly felt that it was no longer so important.

I began to understand what Noble Consort Shu had once said.

There are so many things in life we wish to hold on to, but so few we can truly keep.

At this moment, the daughter sharing my blood, resting in my arms, was all I could hold on to.

I anxiously asked Jiuqu, “She’s so tiny. Will she survive?”

Jiuqu scolded me softly. “You’re a mother now, yet you still say things that invite misfortune. As I see it, this child’s fortune is greater than anyone’s.”

Zhou Hui did not hurry over until nightfall. He was still wearing the ceremonial robes from the ancestral rites.

His gaze moved from my face to Wangshu’s, and Zhou Hui’s eyes gradually reddened.

I was supposedly the person he loved and cherished most in the world, yet when I gave birth, he was at the wedding altar; when I wept, he was laughing; while my blood flowed without end, he was lifting his bride’s red veil. Why had everyone in the palace hidden it from him?

He could not bring himself to ask, because he knew the answer.

His voice was hoarse. “Elder Sister, do you resent me?”

I did not answer. I only told him softly, “A-Hui, it’s a girl.”

“Could you tell Mother Consort and the Crown Princess to let me raise her by my side?”

Zhou Hui looked at me for a long, long time.

He said, “Of course your child should be raised beside you. Elder Sister, my heart has never changed.”

26

The imperial palace gave us no time to fret over whether anyone’s feelings had changed.

On the fifth day after the wedding, the Emperor died, and Zhou Hui succeeded him before the late Emperor’s coffin.

The late Emperor’s body had not yet been carried out of Qianqing Palace when the First and Second Princes rebelled together.

During the palace coup, the sounds of fighting were frighteningly close.

I could not help wanting to go out and ask for news, to see whether Zhou Hui was safe.

As soon as I reached the outer courtyard, I saw a woman in red with her dark hair swept up high, holding a long spear and leading people in guarding the Eastern Palace gates.

It was Lu Zhaozhao, the Crown Prince’s secondary consort and the Jingyuan General’s eldest granddaughter.

She glanced at me indifferently. “Go back. Don’t wander around.”

I sat in Listening Bamboo Court with Wangshu all night.

By dawn, everything had been decided. The First and Second Princes had been cut down on the spot. The Empress had hanged herself in the Cold Palace, and Noble Consort Shen had been given poisoned wine.

Zhao Weifang, the Earl of Cheng’en and leader of the respected civil officials, personally composed a thousand-word proclamation against the traitors. Its impassioned words were announced throughout the land.

I thought Zhou Hui must have prepared for the inevitable coup for a long time.

The Crown Princess, Lu Zhaozhao, and Zhao Yining had all been part of his calculations and arrangements. There were many others, too.

Everyone except me.

He had never revealed even a single word to me.

Seen kindly, his keeping me uninformed was a way of protecting me.

Seen unkindly, I was no longer capable of standing shoulder to shoulder with him and facing the storms outside.

For the rest of our lives, perhaps all that would remain between us were the words “love and cherish.”

I understood all of that.

So why did my heart still hurt so much?

27

With the new dynasty established, the court was busy purging old threats and rewarding those who had contributed. The halls of government were in constant motion.

The harem, by comparison, was much simpler.

As expected, Chen Yunzhi was named Empress. The families of Lu Zhaozhao and Zhao Yining had helped the new Emperor ascend the throne, so the two women were immediately granted ranks among the Four Consorts.

Lu Zhaozhao was named Virtuous Consort, and Zhao Yining became Worthy Consort.

When it came to me, things grew awkward.

By birth, I was still the daughter of a disgraced official.

In terms of merit, I could not compare with anyone in the harem.

But if Zhou Hui casually gave me a rank, he felt it would be far too little for me.

The matter remained unresolved, and before long, nearly half a year had passed.