Chapter 13

Pei Zhuo came from a distinguished family and was a worthy official of the court. Was Zhou Hui really going to gouge out a man’s eyes just because he had looked at me the wrong way?

Zhou Hui had been renowned for his virtue since he was Crown Prince. How could he behave like a tyrant?

I was not the only one stunned.

The Empress’s expression was grim. Lu Zhaozhao raised her bow-bearing arm to block the guards.

Zhou Hui stepped in front of me and spoke in a voice only the two of us could hear. “I’ve gone mad.”

“It’s been two months. You call me Your Majesty, refuse the rank among the Four Consorts I worked so hard to secure for you, and won’t come to see me.”

“Every night I toss and turn, unable to sleep. I have to sneak into Jingren Palace like a thief, yet you still sleep soundly.”

“I know you’re still in contact with Pei Zhuo.”

Pain filled Zhou Hui’s eyes. “You’d rather ask an outsider for help than tell me.”

“In your heart, the Cheng family matters. What, then, am I to you?”

He suddenly reached out and gripped my wrist tightly. “What’s the next step, Elder Sister?”

“You sent Jiuqu out of the palace. Are you planning to find a way to leave the imperial palace next?”

“Are you going to abandon me?”

I stared blankly at Zhou Hui. His face was so close, his lashes trembling. The image of the frightened, helpless boy from the Cold Palace long ago rose from the depths of my memory.

But today’s moon was no longer as full as yesterday’s, and he was no longer the Zhou Hui of old.

I called softly to him. “A-Hui.”

Zhou Hui loosened his grip, but continued to look at me stubbornly.

“A-Hui, now I have evidence. If I insist on clearing the Cheng family’s name, what will you do?”

Zhou Hui fell silent.

36

Suddenly, I wanted to say everything I had kept inside for so long, without holding anything back.

“A-Hui, I’m unhappy.”

“The night I gave birth to Wangshu. When you invested your consorts with rank. When you stopped the investigation into the Cheng family case. And whenever other people discussed me.”

“At first, I wondered if I was too narrow-minded. After all, from the Cold Palace to where we are now, other people would say my grievances were nothing.”

The words I had heard most often were: “A disgraced official’s daughter is so lucky.”

After ten years, at last I spoke honestly about the deepest feelings in my heart.

“A-Hui, if Father had not been falsely accused, I would still be the legitimate daughter of the Dingyuan Marquis’s household. I would have married the man I loved and stood beside him as an equal.”

“I would never have allowed him to take concubines. If he changed his heart, I would leave.”

“Call me jealous or domineering if you like. That is simply who I am, Cheng Mingyue.”

“Perhaps you love and cherish me, and depend on me, but you have never truly understood me. Instead, you’ve kept me trapped.”

“After that, everything was turned into charity bestowed on me by others, all because of those four words: ‘daughter of a disgraced official.’”

“I was forced to become someone who understood the greater good and thought of the bigger picture, even when it went against my own heart.”

“Now I know that the root of my fall into the mud was a wrongful accusation. Yet you do not want to correct that mistake. Because you are the Emperor, and everyone longs for your love and favor, you think I ought to sacrifice myself and be grateful.”

I let out a long breath. “I don’t want the rank among the Four Consorts you planned for me. Zhou Hui, loving you has brought me pain.”

The forest was so quiet that all we could hear was each other’s breathing.

“Let me leave the palace. I want to go to Lingnan.”

Zhou Hui’s expression changed several times. In the end, he said only, “Whether it is love or pain, I will not let you leave me.”

37

The next day, four more maids were assigned to me.

Zhou Hui had planned ahead. I did not yet have the ability to escape right under his nose.

The Empress brought guards to take the original draft of Father’s manuscript from me.

I clutched it tightly and would not let go. “Setting aside the case, this is the only keepsake Father left me. Please allow me to keep it as a memento.”

The Empress looked at me. “I heard everything you said to His Majesty yesterday.”

A bitter smile touched her lips. “I knew you held a special place in his heart, but I never imagined it was to this extent.”

“Every one of your words would have been enough to punish a consort in the harem.”

“And yet all he cared about was whether you would leave him.”

Her expression grew distant. “Then what does my sincere love count for?”

In the silence, her expression shifted again and again. At last, her inner conflict faded and her gaze cleared.

“I have my own path to follow. There is no need to compare myself to you.”

She held out her hand. “Give it to me.”

I still clutched it tightly.

The Empress suddenly laughed. “No matter how differently His Majesty treats you, he knows perfectly well that I have brought people here today to take this manuscript.”

At those words, all strength left my hands. The only remaining trace of Father scattered across the ground.

The guards picked up the pages one by one. Right before my eyes, they struck a flint.

The flames leapt and devoured the pages. The manuscript changed from yellowed paper to black, until only fragments of ash remained.

Whether it was the keepsake or the Cheng family case, everything was gone.

After the Empress left, Lingzhi rushed into the tent in a panic. She told me that during the morning hunt, Pei Zhuo had been struck by an accidental arrow. They said his life was in danger.