Chapter 21

Then Xue Shiye came.

He was kind. He ate with me, walked with me, helped me learn how to live in the world again.

I truly thought I could finally let go of the past.

Yet when he proposed, my first thought was still September seventeenth.

I wanted to wear a wedding dress in Elm Hall again. To make that date mean something besides sorrow. I even thought that if I could walk the length of the flower-lined aisle, it would mean happiness had finally come for me.

Looking back, there had been nothing wrong with missing Cheng’an. Nothing wrong with loving Shiye afterward.

My mistake was believing that completing the unfinished wedding was the only way to prove I had emerged from my grief.

I raised my head.

The place of honor at the front stood empty.

Five years ago, I had imagined Cheng’an waiting there countless times.

Two years ago, I began imagining Shiye.

Now there was nobody.

And suddenly, I understood.

Nobody else needed to stand there.

Cheng’an hadn’t owed me a wedding. The love he had given me was already whole.

Shiye didn’t have to fulfill any of his promises.

And I didn’t need a wedding to prove I deserved love.

A breeze rustled the elm leaves outside.

I remembered Cheng’an promising to hang out the laundry once we were married.

Despite myself, I smiled.

You liar. You promised to hang it up, and you never even got to do it once.

I smiled, and tears slipped down my face.

Wiping them away, I whispered into the empty hall.

“Xu Cheng’an.”

No answer came.

“I still miss you so much.” My voice trembled. “But from now on, I’m going to make a good life for myself.”

I stood.

I didn’t go to the dais. I didn’t recite the vows I had prepared five years ago.

I only took one last look at the elm.

Then I gathered my skirt, turned, and walked out.

12:11.

The half hour I had fought to keep had lasted just nine minutes.

—

### 18

Zhixia waited in the corridor.

Seeing me, she looked surprised.

“That was quick.”

I nodded.

“Yes.”

“Don’t you want a little longer?”

“No need.”

She studied my face, then laughed.

“Shen Wangshu, your makeup’s a complete mess.”

“I know.”

“You look terrible.”

I couldn’t help laughing too.

“What am I supposed to do about it?”

She handed me the bag containing my ordinary clothes.

“Get out of that wedding dress, obviously.”

I took it.

“Are you hungry?” she asked.

Only then did I remember that since getting up for makeup at six, I’d had nothing but a few sips of warm water.

“Yes.”

“What do you want?”

I thought for a moment.

“Rice. And a plate of braised pork.”

Her eyes widened.

“You’re in the mood for braised pork?”

I looked at her.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

She froze for two seconds, then turned away.

I saw her hurriedly wipe the corner of her eye.