Spring Returns to Me

“If you can’t make the heir marry you, you’ll have no choice but to marry those barbarians of Mobei.”

Pei Yunzhao’s eyes reddened. She turned away and clumsily wiped her tears with her sleeve. Her voice came out muffled. “Why are you telling me this…?”

The tears on her face had not dried, and her eyes were still red, but now there was a touch of emotion in her gaze.

“Actually… I didn’t hate you from the start.”

Her voice was quiet, as if she were telling a secret she had buried for a long time.

“The year you first arrived, you wore a faded pale-purple dress. Even the cuffs were frayed. I’d wanted to talk to you. But the next day, you’d changed into new clothes and were fawning and putting on airs, so I… I…”

“You had to live under someone else’s roof just like me, but you were always so fake. Whenever you wanted something, you wouldn’t say it outright. You insisted on using schemes you had to hide from everyone… It made me furious just to watch.”

I answered softly.

The wind outside made the lamp flicker. Pei Yunzhao’s shadow wavered on the wall.

She stood there for a moment, then suddenly removed the translucent, exquisite jade bangle from her wrist.

It was a gift from the Empress on her coming-of-age ceremony, and she had always treasured it.

I was taken aback.

Pei Yunzhao insisted on pushing the bangle into my hand. “Take it as a dowry gift,” she said, then ran to the door as if escaping.

I couldn’t help laughing as I watched her go.

In my previous life, Princess Pei Yunzhao had been forced to marry in faraway Mobei.

I stood atop the city gate and watched the wedding procession disappear at the end of the road.

Shen Xingyi rode beside her. He never looked back once.

Later, countless rumors spread through the capital, saying the two had loved one another and had only used an excuse to run away together.

I didn’t entirely believe those rumors.

But I couldn’t even explain what I had been waiting for.

Only just before I died did a letter, lost for years, finally reach my hands.

It carried the dust of Mobei, and its paper had yellowed.

Shen Xingyi’s handwriting was no longer strong and straight as usual. It was instead terribly messy.

I clutched the letter and sat alone in an empty room all night.

Not until the oil lamp had burned out and the horizon began to turn silver did dawn arrive.

Still, I didn’t open the letter.

Because I knew I was afraid.

I was afraid Shen Xingyi had written that only now did he realize he had always truly loved Princess Pei Yunzhao.

I didn’t want to know what hardships he had faced. I wanted even less to know how lovingly he and Pei Yunzhao had spent the rest of their lives together.

The lamp flame caught one corner of the letter, but in the end I still lacked the courage to open it.

It was better not to know.

10

To my beloved wife, Yuning:

May this letter find you well.

Perhaps by the time you read this, I will no longer be in this world. My handwriting is a mess; I hope you won’t laugh at it.

Life is as brief as a spark struck from stone, or a candle flickering in the wind. My one regret is that I failed my wife.

Enclosed are the divorce papers, all the money, and the deeds to the property. Take whatever you like as some small compensation from me.

I have always regarded Zhao’er as a younger sister. I never had any romantic feelings for her.

Even so, I stubbornly did as I pleased and left my wife and child behind. I deserve the fate I have met.

I know that the Marquis of Zhenyuan’s household seems splendid and prosperous from the outside, but in truth it is little more than an empty name.

My father is old, and the clan is in decline.

I have no brothers or sisters.

My body is frail, and I am ill year-round. I have no hope of earning distinction in the civil examinations, nor am I able to fight on the battlefield.

Keeping the family estate going will be difficult in the future. The Marquis’s residence is like a great house on the verge of collapse. You should never have had to spend your life being dragged down by it.

But I am no gentleman. I still have selfish desires.

Though I knew you were clever and spirited, and had been competitive since childhood,

I still stubbornly pleaded for this marriage.

Every day I was anxious that I would disappoint you.

The ending I have met is retribution indeed.

I am ashamed and do not dare to hope for another life.

May you marry a good man, have everything you wish for, and not waste the rest of your life.

Shen Xingyi

With this final stroke, I bid you farewell.

11

A little over a month later, the Chen family of Yangzhou sent their betrothal gifts.

Master Chen himself brought his son to the residence to show how seriously he took the match.

That day, Shen Xingyi sat in his study, staring blankly at an unfinished painting.

It showed an old corner of the Marquis’s residence: part of the flower hall.

The young girl who used to hide behind the corridor pillar wore a timid expression. Half of a pale-purple sleeve showed.

And now she was about to be married.

“Heir, the Chen family of Yangzhou has arrived. Master Chen brought the betrothal gifts. They’re waiting in the main hall.”

Shen Xingyi set down his brush. When he stood, he felt something inside his chest turn hollow.

He was briefly distracted.

“I understand. Prepare my clothes.”

Shen Xingyi changed into a dark blue-green brocade robe with a subtle pattern, then left the study and walked along the corridor toward the main hall.

Spring sunlight fell upon the magnolia tree in the courtyard. Its elegant fragrance spread through the grounds.

Du Yuning stood there, seemingly waiting for someone.

Today she wore an ivory dress embroidered with climbing lotus flowers. Her hair was neatly pinned, adorned only with a simple silver hairpin.