Chapter 1

When I married Pei Yan, I never imagined he would one day sit upon the throne.

But he did become Emperor.

And I became Empress.

I made one mistake, though.

I brought my elder sister into the palace, wanting to show off the glory I now enjoyed.

Pei Yan fell for her at first sight.

From then on, the more desperately I tried to keep him, the more I earned his disgust.

The day I miscarried, every physician from the Imperial Medical Bureau was stationed at my elder sister’s Zhaohua Palace.

I buried the child who had never even taken shape with my own hands.

The next day.

I placed the phoenix seal, the imperial appointment edict, and the token for the Six Palaces into an old box.

Then I knelt before Pei Yan and handed it over myself. “This concubine is too ill to manage the palace affairs any longer. Elder Sister is gentle and virtuous, and she is carrying the imperial heir. It is only right that she take over these things.”

I bowed low. “I beg Your Majesty to grant my request.”

After a pause, I added, “This concubine wishes to move to a side courtyard and pray to Buddha, reciting sutras for Your Majesty and for the child in Elder Sister’s womb.”

1

Pain woke me.

The bedchamber was empty except for Nanny Zhou, who had followed me into the palace and was keeping watch at my bedside.

The smell of blood still lingered beneath the curtains.

I braced myself up. “Where is His Majesty?”

Nanny Zhou lowered her eyes. After a long while, she answered, “Consort Gu fell into the water and was frightened. His Majesty took the imperial physicians to Zhaohua Palace.”

I murmured in acknowledgment and laid a hand over my lower abdomen.

It was empty now, as if someone had reached inside and taken something away.

I asked her to bring me the phoenix seal, the imperial edict, and the token for the Six Palaces. One by one, I placed them into the old brocade box my mother had left me.

My body was still weak. I had Qiu He support me to the entrance of Zhaohua Palace, then stepped inside on my own.

Even from outside, I could smell the bitter medicine. Then came a faint, suppressed laugh.

Pei Yan sat by the bed, patiently feeding medicine to Gu Yunshu.

When Elder Sister saw me, she smiled faintly. “Little Sister, you haven’t recovered yet. Why come here in person?”

She had been born beautiful. Illness only made her look more delicate and pitiful.

My face must have been frighteningly pale by then, but no one cared.

Pei Yan turned and saw me. His brows immediately knitted together. “You’ve only just miscarried, and you’re already wandering around. What are you doing here?”

I knelt and pushed the brocade box toward the imperial seat. “This concubine’s health can no longer bear the duties of the palace. Elder Sister is gentle and virtuous, and she carries the imperial heir. It is only fitting that she take over the phoenix seal.”

I bowed low. “I beg Your Majesty to grant my request.”

After a moment, I continued, “This concubine wishes to move to a side courtyard and pray to Buddha, asking for blessings for Your Majesty and for the child in Elder Sister’s womb.”

Pei Yan stared at me for a long time, then suddenly gave a cold laugh. “Gu Wanning, do you think that by backing down like this, I’ll pity you?”

I didn’t lift my head.

I knew he wouldn’t.

“If you’ve decided Yunshu is better than you, then give up the title of Empress too.”

Pain clenched in my abdomen again. I closed my eyes. “This concubine will follow Your Majesty’s arrangements.”

I still hadn’t looked up when his voice suddenly turned cold. “Stop putting on that pitiful act in front of me. Get out.”

I kowtowed, rose, and walked a few steps. The atmosphere behind me, which had been so gentle moments earlier, turned rigid.

Qiu He hurried to support my arm. Without her, I would have collapsed before the steps.

2

I thought Pei Yan would fly into a rage, but the edict deposing me never came.

I moved to the side courtyard.

The palace attendants had scrubbed my old bedchamber clean, but I could still smell the blood from that night.

The gold ornaments, brocade, and colored glass in the side courtyard were all put away in storage. Only the old Buddha statue I had brought from my father’s estate remained.

It was my birth mother’s keepsake. More than half the lacquer had peeled away, and even the lines of the Buddha’s eyes and brows had faded.

When my mother was alive, she had been frail. She never competed with my stepmother, spending most of the year in the ancestral hall copying sutras.

She died young, but had asked a nanny to keep a few old pieces of jewelry for me. Later, they all went into my dowry with the Buddha statue.

Every day, I knelt before the Buddha and copied sutras.

The young palace maids outside couldn’t keep their gossip to themselves. They said the early-blooming red plums in the imperial garden had all been moved to Zhaohua Palace. They said Pei Yan personally dined with the Consort and had given her a phoenix-carved jade pendant.

Their words drifted through the door in snatches, carrying the bustle of Zhaohua Palace all the way to the Buddha.

One young palace maid said enviously, “Her Ladyship Consort Gu truly has the Emperor’s undivided favor now.”

I only sighed. I did not punish her.

Night fell. The lamp wick crackled from time to time.

I had copied until my wrist ached before I realized someone was standing behind me.

Pei Yan’s first words were edged with mockery. “The Empress has been living such a peaceful life these days.”

My brush paused, but I still didn’t turn around. “I only feel sorry for Elder Sister. But with Your Majesty protecting her, she surely won’t be overtaxed.”

He said coldly, “If you’ve really let go…”

Then he stepped closer and asked, “How is it that you still know exactly where I go?”

I looked at the lines of scripture on the page. “I happened to hear. Your Majesty is free to go wherever you wish. From now on, this concubine won’t ask.”

The room fell quiet for a moment.

He stood there for a long while, then finally flung his sleeve and left.

Outside, everything immediately erupted into commotion. Eunuchs hurried after him, shouting for the procession to be prepared for Zhaohua Palace.

If he left like that, everyone would know by tomorrow that the Emperor had grown angry with the Empress again.

But I no longer cared.

I put the sutra pages I had finished into a brass basin and set one corner alight.

The eternal lamp continued to burn in silence. The obsessions I once could never let go of seemed to drift away, little by little, with the ashes.

All I prayed was that the child who had never been born would have no illness in the next life and would grow up free.

Beneath the window, someone whispered, “His Majesty came out with a dark expression, but he still went to Consort Gu’s palace.”

Someone else replied, “Looks like the Empress has truly fallen out of favor this time.”

The first lowered her voice. “I’m afraid from now on…”

Someone hurriedly nudged her. Their footsteps quickly faded away.

I lowered my eyes and continued reciting the sutra.

3

Back at my parents’ home, whenever there was something good, Elder Sister always got first choice.

When I was eight, Father promised to take me out to see the lanterns on the Shangyuan Festival.

I was so excited for days. I laid out my new clothes beside my pillow and even woke in the middle of the night just to touch them.

Early that morning, I went to find Father, but the servants said he had already gone out.

I thought some urgent matter had come up, so I waited at the gate. I waited from dawn until dusk, my legs going numb, before I finally saw the carriage return.

Father was inside with my stepmother and Elder Sister, the three of them laughing and chatting.

Perhaps Father finally remembered me. He took a little rabbit lantern made of bamboo strips down from the carriage.

It was smaller than the one in Elder Sister’s hand, and its paper was rough, but it was the gift I had longed for all day.

He held it out to me and, in a rare gentle voice, called, “This is for you, Wanning.”

I had just reached out when Elder Sister said, “Father, I want her lantern.”

Father’s hand stopped in midair. He hesitated. “Don’t you already have so many toys like this in your room?” When Elder Sister didn’t answer, he tried to persuade her. “Let your younger sister keep this one.”

Elder Sister said nothing. She only pressed her lips together, and her eyes instantly reddened.

My stepmother glanced at me.

Father pulled his hand back and placed the rabbit lantern in Elder Sister’s hands. “All right, all right. You can have it too.”

My hand was still raised in the air. Nothing had fallen into my palm.

That dusk felt unbearably bleak, but the candle inside the rabbit lantern kept illuminating Elder Sister’s face as she laughed through her tears.

There had never been anything Elder Sister wanted that she couldn’t get.

For more than a decade, it had always been that way.

4

The next morning, when I awoke, Gu Yunshu was standing in my room. No one had even announced her arrival.

Several palace maids followed behind her. They held their chins high and appraised the furnishings of the side courtyard from the corners of their eyes.

Elder Sister waved them away. “You may leave.”

Then she added, “I have a few private words to share with my younger sister.”

After the door closed, she came to my bedside and took my wrist.

I no longer wore jewelry. The jade bangle on her wrist looked especially conspicuous.

She smiled gently. “You moved here so suddenly, Little Sister. I can’t help feeling I’m the one who dragged you into this.”

Her fingers pressed against my pulse. “His Majesty has been cold to you because of it. I truly feel guilty.”

Then she stared at my face and asked, “Do you really not resent me for taking His Majesty’s favor from you?”

That bangle had originally been mine.

When Pei Yan took it off my wrist, he said it didn’t suit me and promised to give me something better later.

In the blink of an eye, he gave it to Elder Sister.

A promise unfulfilled. An old possession passed to someone else. He hadn’t even bothered to offer an explanation.

I stared at the color of the jade on her wrist and said calmly, “Over the years, you’ve taken so much from me. If I held a grudge over every single thing, I’d have run out of strength long ago.”

The smile on her face stiffened. “Little Sister, that was a harsh thing to say. Clearly you still resent me.”

I only looked at the jade bangle on her wrist.

The palace attendants later told me that when Elder Sister left the side courtyard, she went straight to Pei Yan and cried in front of him.

I didn’t know what she had said. I only waited quietly to see whether Pei Yan would come again to demand justice for her.

5

That night, Pei Yan did come. But he didn’t reproach me.

He carried a clear glass lantern.

When it was lit, a warm golden glow filled the entire side courtyard.

He held it out to me. “I picked this one myself.” After a pause, he added, “You copy sutras at night. Don’t ruin your eyes.”

The lantern’s light flickered. I suddenly remembered the Shangyuan Festival from many years ago.

Back then, the long street stretched beyond sight, lanterns glowing everywhere.

I didn’t reach for it. I let a palace maid take it instead. “Thank you, Your Majesty. You may put it in storage.”

Pei Yan frowned. “Weren’t these pretty lanterns your favorite?”

He sounded as if he were reminding me—and himself. “Have you forgotten how we went to the lantern festival together?”

He continued holding the lantern, waiting for me to show even a little of the happiness I’d felt back then.

The flame wavered behind the glass, and his shadow on the wall flickered between light and dark.

I said, “Your Majesty used to criticize me for being childish. You said the mother of the nation had to be dignified. I heard it so many times that, naturally, I stopped liking them.”

His expression darkened at my words.

He forced his voice down. “Gu Wanning, how much longer are you going to keep making a scene?”

I didn’t answer. I lowered my head and continued copying the unfinished sutra.

The room was quiet for a long time.

The lamp wick burned softly. He stood rooted in place, refusing to leave, insisting on waiting until I gave in first.