So That's How It Is — Chapter 3

Xu Jingshu screamed. Blood ran down her cheek and dripped onto her moon-white robe, embroidered with curling lotus vines. Each drop was a vivid, glaring red.

“Stop!” Chu Jibai shouted himself hoarse. At last, his cry carried naked anguish. He struggled with all his might, his wrists scraped raw against the ropes, but he would not stop. “Meng Lingyi! Stab me instead!”

“Are you anxious already?” I remained calm. I moved the knife to the other side of her face and cut from the corner of her eye down to her mouth, leaving another wound. Blood made her once-beautiful face terrifying.

Xu Jingshu could no longer scream. She slumped in the chair, tears and snot running down her face. Only hoarse breaths came from her throat. Her eyes stayed wide, filled with nothing but fear.

Beside her, Meng Chengzhang panted. The wound in his shoulder still bled, and his face was deathly pale, yet he managed to turn toward me.

“Lingyi… Stop…”

“Not yet.” I answered him. “Brother, you and Sister-in-law were determined to marry me to Chu Jibai. Did you ever think of me, even once?”

My gaze returned to Xu Jingshu's face.

It was covered in blood. I could barely recognize her, though her eyes remained open and fixed on me. They held pleading and fear, and beneath it all, a trace of resentment she could not suppress.

“You made sure I could never have children.” I pressed my hand against her lower abdomen. Her entire body shuddered, and she tried to twist away, but the chair and ropes held her fast. “Sister-in-law, it would only be fair for you to suffer the same pain I did.”

The knife sank into her lower abdomen. Xu Jingshu's body arched sharply, then fell back against the chair. Blood bubbled from her mouth and splashed onto my robe. I could feel its warmth through the fabric.

The knife remained in my hand. Blood dripped onto the blue-brick floor, soon soaking the ground beneath her chair. The room filled with the metallic stench of blood. The fragrance of flowers from the open window mixed with it, turning my stomach.

“Ah!” Xu Jingshu let out one last shriek. Her voice faded. Her head tipped to one side, her breathing weakening until only the faintest rise and fall of her chest remained.

“Meng Lingyi, how can you do this? Don't you care if you die too?” my brother asked in a trembling voice. He looked at his unconscious wife, then turned to me. At last, tears rolled down his cheeks. “Lingyi, if she dies, you'll have to pay with your life. Wake up!”

I wiped the blood from the blade and turned to face him. Sunlight glinted from the knife. I gave a soft laugh.

“Brother, do you still think anyone is going to walk out of this residence alive today?”

Meng Chengzhang's eyes widened. He stared at me in disbelief.

13.

Chu Jibai struggled to his feet, knocking over his chair. Bound as he was, he tumbled to the floor with it, yet he still tried desperately to crawl toward us. Blood from his abraded wrists left a trail behind him.

“Meng Lingyi!” His voice was so raw it was almost impossible to understand. “I'm the one who wronged you. Kill me! Take as many stabs at me as you want! Stop tormenting your brother and sister-in-law!”

Xu Jingshu continued to moan in broken gasps. Blood from her abdomen had soaked a broad stain into her clothes. Her face was no longer recognizable, and though her eyes remained open, their light was slowly fading.

Meng Chengzhang struggled to stand as well. His chair legs wobbled, then he and the chair crashed to the floor. His cheek struck the bloodstained bricks. He looked at me, his mouth opening and closing as if to say something. His voice came out faint and ragged; I had to move closer to hear.

He said, “Lingyi, I was the one who wronged you first.”

I straightened and walked over to Chu Jibai.

He lay face down on the ground, still struggling, but could not push himself up. Tears and sweat ran down his face. His eyes followed Xu Jingshu the entire time; he could not bear to look away even for an instant.

“Chu Jibai.” I crouched beside him and lifted his face with the tip of my knife. Someone's blood clung to his chin; there was no way to tell whose. “Does it hurt to see her like this?”

“Kill me,” he rasped. I had to lean close to hear him. “Kill me. Take my life as payment.”

“That isn't nearly enough.” I shook my head as I looked at him. “Chu Jibai, I just told you how deeply I hold a grudge. How could you forget so quickly? The three of you ruined my whole life. You think one life of yours can repay that?”

I lowered the knife and pressed it to the vulnerable place below his abdomen.

He froze for a moment, then understood. His whole body trembled as he struggled backward, but the ropes held him tight. The blade did not move away. He could not escape.

“Meng Lingyi!” he suddenly roared, his voice desolate. “You dare—”

I did not let him finish.

This time, I acted swiftly and decisively.

Chu Jibai's body jerked and curled in on itself. A scream tore from his throat. His face went white, sweat pouring from him as he shook uncontrollably on the ground, broken groans escaping his mouth.

Blood gradually soaked the lower half of his robe, turning the blue-gray fabric a dark red.

I withdrew the knife and stood over him.

He curled on the blue-brick floor, his body still convulsing. He no longer looked as straight-backed as before.

His eyes, which had always looked at me with such cool indifference, were wide open and unfocused. Still, he tried to keep them on Xu Jingshu.

Xu Jingshu no longer moved. She leaned against the chair, blood dripping from its side into a pool at her feet.

Meng Chengzhang was also sprawled face down on the floor, his head turned toward his wife. His mouth was slightly open. I could not tell whether he was still breathing. The wound in his shoulder continued to bleed, darkening a small patch of his clothes.

The hall gradually fell quiet. Only Chu Jibai's strained breathing remained, each breath so shallow it seemed the next might never come.

I returned to the table, picked up the cold pigeon soup, and took a sip. It really was too salty. My hand must have trembled when I added the salt, and I had put in too much.

The wind shook the crabapple branches outside the window. Pale pink petals drifted in through the open frame, circled in the air, then fell onto Xu Jingshu's skirt, covering the bloodstain. Red and white blended together; even the petals were stained with blood.

14.

I set the bowl down neatly and took a fire striker from inside my sleeve.

Chu Jibai was panting. He seemed to sense the movement and struggled to lift his head, his dazed eyes following the faint, flickering light in my hand.

“What are you going to do now…?” His voice was so low it almost dissolved into his breath.

I did not answer. I went straight to the wall and set fire to the hanging curtain. It had been replaced only this year, a pale-red gauze, light and soft. As it caught, the flames rushed up along the fabric with a sudden whoosh.

The flower hall gradually lit up. Fire flooded the walls on every side, bright red and dazzling, yet its glow felt warm against the skin, like the lanterns that filled the streets on the Lantern Festival.

I returned and crouched beside Chu Jibai. He was still curled up. Firelight illuminated one half of his face while the other remained in shadow. His eyelids were nearly shut, but he forced them open a little to look at me.

“Chu Jibai,” I called softly, in the same tone I had used on so many mornings when I was still curled in bed, coaxing him to wake.

His lashes trembled.

“If there is another life,” I told him, “remember not to treat me like something you can simply hand over to someone else. Otherwise…”

The fire had spread to the roof beams. Heat surged against my face as thick coils of smoke billowed upward.

Outside, chaos erupted. Maids and servants cried out and ran about. Someone shouted, “Oh no, there's a fire!” Another voice cried, “Madam, she's still inside!”

I stayed where I was, without moving.

All around me, the fire crackled. Roof tiles heated by the flames snapped and cracked.

I remembered the spring of last year, when Chu Jibai had led me past that crabapple tree. Pale pink petals had fallen across his shoulders. He had turned to look at me, sunlight reflected in his eyes, a very light amber.

Back then, I had thought there could be no more beautiful sight in the world.

I closed my eyes.

15.

“Miss! Miss, come quickly! Young Master Chu has come to propose!” my maid suddenly called from outside the door.

I snapped my eyes open. I was back in the boudoir where I had lived before marriage. A freshly picked crabapple branch rested on the dressing table, its pale-pink petals still dotted with dew. The room was filled with a clean, delicate fragrance.

I reached down to touch my stomach. It was smooth and flat. I could find no trace of the scar that could never be erased.

I had returned to the very day Chu Jibai came to ask for my hand.

Someone like me truly deserved another chance at life from Heaven.

I washed and dressed, suppressing the hatred that filled my eyes, then went to the front hall. In front of everyone, I flatly refused the marriage proposal. Chu Jibai was humiliated, but he still left the betrothal gifts behind instead of taking them away. He said he had always loved me and told me I did not need to give him an answer right away.

I only laughed coldly to myself. Chu Jibai really was a well-behaved dog, eager to obey.

That evening, my brother and sister-in-law came to my room to persuade me about the marriage. They each praised how dependable Chu Jibai was and how worthy of my trust he would be.

Their insistence only struck me as ridiculous. I had already refused him in public, yet my brother and sister-in-law still wanted to marry me off to Chu Jibai.

If that was how it would be, they could not blame me.

16

Three days later, at the literary gathering, Xu Jingshu slipped and fell into the water. Chu Jibai rescued her in front of everyone. Their bodies clung together, skin pressed against skin, and rumors spread throughout the capital. There was no end to the ugly things people said: that he coveted his friend's wife; that the two of them had long been in love, and Meng Chengzhang had stolen the woman he loved; some even suspected they had been secretly carrying on an affair for a long time…

Rumor followed rumor. The censors submitted memorials impeaching Chu Jibai and Meng Chengzhang. Even my father was accused of “failing to govern his household.”

That day, as soon as my father left court, he threw all the betrothal gifts in front of the Chu residence. “The Meng family cannot accept this match,” he said, then turned and left without even entering the gate.

When my mother heard that Father and my elder brother had both been impeached, she grew even more displeased with Xu Jingshu. She sent several beautiful concubines to Meng Chengzhang's rooms one after another.

In the past, Meng Chengzhang would have made a scene with our mother. This time was different. He did not utter a word of protest and accepted them all. The rear courtyard was soon filled with their delicate laughter.

Xu Jingshu watched herself grow thinner and more miserable by the day. Eventually, she sent Chu Jibai a letter.

I knew her temperament. She had always been free-spirited and believed this was only a misunderstanding. She thought that, since she and my brother and Chu Jibai had been friends for years, all she had to do was meet them and explain, and everything would be all right.

But life was never as simple as she imagined.

Later, a maid told me that Chu Jibai went to the Meng residence that very night to see her. My brother caught them sitting together in the garden. His eyes immediately turned red with rage. He rushed over and attacked Chu Jibai.

My brother had been drinking. His blows were vicious, every strike aimed at Chu Jibai's lower body. In the chaos, he managed to sever the third thing Chu Jibai should never have had.

Xu Jingshu screamed in terror and rushed forward to stop them, only to be caught in the violence and fall into the water. She lost the child in her womb. The physician said she would never be able to bear children again either.

After the maid finished telling me everything, I finally felt satisfied. The three of them could keep entangling themselves with one another and live out the rest of their lives that way. It would only be over when one of them died.

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