Chapter 6

For a long time,

I couldn’t find my voice.

At last, I said, “Because I have a new identity now.”

“Mm.”

He held me tightly.

“As long as it’s you, the name doesn’t matter.”

“Then what was going on with Lin Shanshan?” I still couldn’t help worrying.

He looked at how serious I was and laughed.

“Do you really not remember?”

“What?”

“She’s the girl we met at the farm resort that autumn. Remember? It was already late in the season, but she was still washing clothes in the lake.”

“You were the one who said you wanted to sponsor her education.”

12

That was before my accident.

Shen Yan and I had driven out on a road trip by ourselves.

When we reached the lake to watch the sunset, we met Lin Shanshan.

She had been malnourished for a long time, her face sallow and gaunt.

She was wearing thin clothes.

Yet she had to drag a huge pile of her family’s laundry to the lake to wash.

The water was freezing.

As the sun sank lower, the temperature kept dropping, and the girl’s hands turned red from the cold.

I couldn’t stand watching it. I went over and asked her, “Would you like to leave here and go to school?”

Lin Shanshan’s eyes lit up. Clutching her clothes, she asked cautiously, “Is that really possible?”

I nodded.

“Of course. If you’re willing, I can pay for your schooling.”

“As long as you work hard, your future can be completely different.”

The girl and I made a promise: once we got back, I would send her money each month.

But then—

On the way home, a truck driver, exhausted behind the wheel, ran a red light and came straight toward us.

Shen Yan yanked the steering wheel.

Instinctively, I threw myself over him to shield him.

“Back then, I thought you had so many things you wanted to do in this life, and I’d never be able to help you do any of them again.”

Shen Yan lowered his eyes.

“This was the only thing I could still do.”

“Then you should at least do it well.”

So, once he had pulled himself together,

the first thing he did was fulfill the wish I’d left behind.

“Later, I discovered that after Lin Shanshan’s family received the money, they didn’t let her go to school at all. They saved it for her good-for-nothing little brother to get married.”

He sighed.

“At the time, I thought, how had I managed to fail even at this?”

“I was afraid you’d be disappointed, so I found a way to help Lin Shanshan cut ties with her family. I brought her here and kept her under my eye.”

“I’ve explained the rumors to people, but somehow they still seem to believe what they want to believe.”

He looked a little uneasy.

“Ruannuan, do you blame me?”

I shook my head.

“You did a great job.”

He had been willing to help me fulfill my wish.

“When we get the chance, I’ll let you meet her.”

13

After the misunderstanding was cleared up,

Shen Yan and I tacitly agreed not to mention the name Yan Xi again, or talk about “substitutes.”

I also got back in touch with Song Tong.

She grabbed my hands and asked excitedly, “As long as I don’t call you by your old name, that’s all right, isn’t it?”

I smiled and nodded.

Her eyes turned red.

I deliberately teased her. “Hey, hey, if you cry, I’m taking a picture.”

“Get lost!”

She punched me.

“You awful woman. You left without a word and didn’t even say goodbye!”

“But I’m back now, aren’t I?”

She pressed her lips together.

“So now that you’re back… are you going to leave again?”

I lowered my eyes and turned the Buddhist beads around my wrist.

“…As long as these beads are still here, I’ll probably be fine.”

Lin Shanshan came over just after I saw Song Tong off.

She had changed a lot.

With enough food and no longer exposed to the elements, her skin was much fairer.

She had grown her hair long, put on makeup, and changed into a white dress.

I almost didn’t recognize her.

When she saw me, she was unusually enthusiastic and pulled me into a long conversation.

“Ruannuan, while you were away, President Shen bought you a present every year.”

I blinked.

“Really?”

“Of course!”

She lowered her voice.

“They’re all in the dressing room upstairs. Want me to show you?”

“Sure.”

I stood up and told Shen Yan, who was cooking in the kitchen, where I was going.

Then I went upstairs with her.

The moment we stepped inside,

she slammed the door shut.

Before I could react, she took the strand of beads off my wrist.

Her expression turned vicious.

“Yan Xi! Why did you come back?”

With the beads removed,

the world seemed to spin around me.

I leaned against the wall, struggling to stay upright.

“What are you doing?”

“Obviously, I’m sending you back.”

She laughed coldly.

“You were already dead, yet you came back by taking over someone else’s identity. If you hadn’t returned, I’d be the only one by Shen Yan’s side. Everyone said I’d become Mrs. Shen someday.”

“It’s all your fault! You had to come back and take everything that should have belonged to me!”

She gritted her teeth as if I were some terrible criminal.

“Yan Xi, don’t blame me for being cruel. You’re the one who came here and provoked me.”

I looked at her twisted expression and laughed.

“You’re ridiculous. Even if I weren’t here, Shen Yan still wouldn’t give you a second look.”

“I really shouldn’t have gotten involved with you. I should have left you there from the start.”

“I truly regret it. I regret being softhearted back then.”

She didn’t care.

“Do you know why you met me there? I arranged it all myself. Even giving my parents money was part of my plan, because I knew Shen Yan would come back looking for me.”

“From the start, I never wanted an education. I wanted to be Mrs. Shen.”

“So you… can only die.”

I grew dizzier and dizzier.

I thought I could vaguely see Black and White Impermanence.

They circled around, hesitating to come closer.