Chapter 7 My Father’s Conditions

Leaving the capital seemed to her a reckless adventure, a hardship I was choosing for myself.

I spoke softly.

“Mother, I know life here would be more secure.

“But I can’t get past what’s in my heart.

“My husband and I have never lacked affection. We grew up together and were deeply devoted. I believed we would grow old together.

“But now…

“If I stay here and watch him bring another woman home every day, the resentment will never leave me.

“If I go on like that, I’m afraid I’ll make myself ill.”

My mother parted her lips. For a moment, she could think of nothing to say.

All the while, my father had remained silent.

His finger tapped the table, his gaze thoughtful.

He held an important position at court. He understood the tangled affairs of the great families, and was considering more than my mother’s worries.

At length, he asked, “Dalang wants to go to Nanshan too?”

“Yes.”

I nodded.

“I’ve explained what he might gain and lose. Going there will take him away from the capital, and he may no longer inherit his father’s title.

“But he says he wants to earn his own future.”

My father nodded, a trace of approval in his solemn eyes.

“A young child with such spirit—that’s a good thing.”

* * *

“Father.”

I looked up and spoke earnestly.

“I’m not acting on impulse.

“If anything happens in Nanshan, Dalang and I will have to depend on my family.”

He thought for a moment.

“I know the character of the House of Zhenbei well.

“If you and Dalang go south, it will at least give him a chance to study with Grand Tutor He. That is a prospect worth considering.

“And it will keep you out of the struggle in the rear courtyards, sparing you trouble once the new woman enters the household.

“But you will still be under their control.

“The house, the guards, the monthly allowance—all of it will come from them.

“You may be a thousand miles away, but nothing you do will escape their notice.”

I lowered my eyes.

That was the only arrangement I could secure for Dalang and myself now.

My mother was still uneasy.

“But the road is so long.

“If something changes over there—if the household changes its mind—there may be nothing we can do in time.”

“I’ve made preparations, Mother.

“The servants coming with us are people I trust. They won’t secretly report to the household.

“And I’ll leave some of my gold, silver, and valuables here.

“If trouble comes in Nanshan, that will be an escape for Dalang and me.”

My father looked at me intently.

“A-Yun, you must think carefully.

“Nanshan is no secluded paradise.

“Leaving the capital will cost you a great many connections.

“And if my son-in-law takes a concubine and has another son, the situation in the household may change at any time.

“Have you prepared yourself for that?”

“I have.”

My answer was firm.

“I don’t want wealth and rank. I only want Dalang and me to live in peace.

“I don’t want to seek my husband’s favor, or spend my life fighting for it in the women’s quarters.”

He was silent for a long time before he sighed.

“Very well.

“If you’ve truly thought it through, I’ll tell their family that I won’t oppose it.”

My mother interrupted at once.

“Letting them go so far…”

He raised his hand to stop her.

“But there are conditions. You must remember them.”

I sat straight, listening.

“First, once you’re in Nanshan, besides your monthly letter to them, you must send one separately to us.

“Tell me how you and Dalang truly are. You mustn’t hide anything.”

“If you run into difficulties, send word at once. Your family will find a way to help.

“Second, I’ll arrange for two more men to accompany you south.

“They won’t be included among the servants supplied by the marquis’s household. They will protect you quietly, from outside.

“Don’t wait until you’re in danger to let us know.

“If anything really happens, they will be the ones you can trust.

“Third, in Nanshan, you must not get involved in local disputes.

“Grand Tutor He once taught the emperor. His connections are deep, and his reputation formidable.

“Just keep to your duties and look after your son. Don’t make social entanglements or meddle in other people’s affairs.

“One more thing.

“If their household forces you into a corner, don’t try to struggle through it alone.

“Send word here. Your family will stand up for you.”

Each word carried my father’s care and protection.

My eyes grew hot.

I rose and bowed deeply.

“Thank you, Father. I’ll remember.”

Seeing that he had agreed, my mother could say no more. She wiped her eyes and drew me close.

“I only hope that you and Dalang will be safe.

“There will be dangers on the road. You must look after yourselves.

“If life in Nanshan isn’t good, don’t force yourself to endure it.

“Write to us, and we’ll bring you home.”

“I will, Mother.”

My sister-in-law, who had been standing nearby, spoke softly.

“A-Yun, Qian Sansan has promised to look after you as well.

“She’s my cousin. Grand Tutor He has put her in charge of many of their arrangements.

“If you meet with difficulties in Nanshan, you can go to her.”