Chapter 6 My Last Place of Refuge

“First, I’ll accept the house in Nanshan.

“Second, I’ll accept the monthly money and supplies.

“Third, the guards are there only to protect Dalang and me. They must not interfere in our private household affairs.”

The steward’s expression changed. He looked at me, plainly wanting to say something.

“I’ll report your words to the heir.”

When he left, Qinghe returned.

“My lady,” she said, “Matron Zhang is willing to go south. Her grandson has been entrusted to his aunt.

“Xiaotao has agreed too.

“Old Mrs. Li, who is good with figures, is too old for such a journey. She doesn’t want to leave the capital.

“I’ve found another older servant. She can read, understands accounts, and is willing to come with us.”

“Good.”

I let out a breath.

“Bring them here. I want to see them.”

Before long, four servants stood before me.

Two maids, two older women.

I looked at each in turn.

“The journey to Nanshan is long and difficult. There will be discomfort, and dangers we cannot foresee.

“If you are willing to come with me, I’ll remember it.

“I won’t treat you badly once we reach Nanshan.

“But there are rules.

“You must hold your tongues.

“Nothing that Dalang and I do in Nanshan is to be disclosed to anyone outside.

“And you must not secretly send private letters back to the household in the capital.

“If anyone breaks those rules, I will show no mercy.”

All four knelt.

“We’ll remember, my lady.”

That eased my mind.

Choosing our people had been the first step.

Next came the luggage.

There were valuables I could not take. I intended to send part of them secretly to my parents’ house.

If anything went wrong in Nanshan, I would still have somewhere to turn.

Remembering something else, I said to Qinghe, “Tomorrow I must go home to see my family.”

“What for, my lady?”

I answered quietly.

“I must tell my parents that I’m going south.

“I’ll be traveling a thousand miles. I can’t leave without letting my own family know.

“They are the last refuge I have.”

* * *

The next morning, I had the carriage prepared early.

This was no ordinary visit home.

I had to tell my parents, from beginning to end, what I intended to do.

The marquis’s family might have promised support, but the people I could truly rely on were the family who had raised me.

Dalang stayed home to study. I traveled with Qinghe and two attendants.

The carriage passed through the gates of the Zhenbei residence.

Outside, carriages and riders crowded the busy streets.

This was the capital I knew so well.

But before long, I would leave all of it behind.

At my family’s gate, the doorkeeper bowed and hurried inside to announce me.

I had scarcely passed through the hanging-flower gate when I saw my sister-in-law waiting in the corridor.

She was pregnant and moving more slowly now, but she greeted me with a smile.

“A-Yun, why are you back again so soon? I thought it would be a few days before you came.”

I took her hand and walked slowly.

“There’s something on my mind. I need to tell Father and Mother.”

Understanding crossed her face.

She asked no more questions.

“Father is in his study. I’ll take you there.”

Qian Sansan knew what I was planning.

It was not surprising that she had sent word to her cousin.

My sister-in-law understood why I had come.

We crossed the courtyard and went into my father’s study.

He was reading official papers. My mother sat on a low couch nearby, doing needlework.

They both looked up as I entered.

“A-Yun? Why have you come today? Has something happened at your husband’s house?”

My mother set down her sewing at once and rose, worried.

I bowed to them.

“Good morning, Father. Mother.”

After the greetings, I sat to one side and asked the servants to withdraw.

Only our family remained.

Taking a deep breath, I began to explain.

I told them everything: the third request to take a concubine, the grievance it had left me with, Grand Tutor He’s retirement to Nanshan Academy, my plan to take Dalang there to study, and the concessions and conditions my husband and his mother had offered.

When I finished, the room was silent.

My mother’s face had darkened.

She held her handkerchief tightly.

“Do you really mean to go so far?”

“Nanshan is a month’s journey from the capital.”

“Dalang is only six. How could he endure so long a journey?

“So far from home, with strangers all around you—what would you do if something happened?”

Her voice was full of worry.

“A-Yun, he’s the heir to a marquisate. There’s no need to run away like this.

“I know the concubine has upset you, but couldn’t you bear it a little?

“Which great household doesn’t have concubines?

“Keep your position as lawful wife, hold the authority of mistress of the house, and bring up your son well. Why travel so far and risk everything?”

My mother’s thoughts were not the same as mine.

To her, a secure place in the marquis’s household, the authority of its mistress, was the best life a woman could hope for.