Chapter 4

Living at Xiangshan day after day, my unsettled heart finally grew calm.

Unexpectedly, before leaving the capital, Pei Jingxing made a special journey up the mountain to find me.

The landscape was clear after rain. He stood tall and straight among the pines.

His expression was too complicated for me to understand.

First, he apologized.

“It was my fault that I didn't speak for you at the banquet.”

Only then did I understand. He had come to explain why he stood coldly among the others when I was accused of pushing Ningning.

“I thought a child wouldn't lie,” he said quietly.

Cold mountain air slipped into my collar.

My heart gave a hard beat.

I couldn't help laughing.

“So General Pei had already decided I was base and wicked. Once I'm the villain, naturally every word from a child must be beyond doubt.”

He lowered his eyes.

“I was prejudiced. I'm sorry.”

Then he said, “If you're still willing, we can settle our betrothal before I leave.”

“Please go back down the mountain.”

My voice chilled.

“You think your marriage is so precious that granting it to me is a great favor. I neither need nor value it.”

9

I didn't want to keep entangling myself with him. I turned and entered the school.

Later, a classmate told me he had stood on the mountain for a long time, only leaving alone after dark.

What he thought no longer concerned me.

There had never been much affection between us.

I put everything into studying.

These noble girls had read since childhood. I had to begin with characters.

Starting so far behind, I could only spend more time catching up.

After everyone slept, I remained alone in the schoolroom with a lamp.

During the day, when they invited me to go out and enjoy myself, I could only smile and refuse.

I dared not waste a moment.

The seasons turned. I didn't stop for a single day.

Yet at the end of my first year, I still came last.

Xie Yunshu told me I had already surpassed the person I had been a year before.

Study another year, she said, and next year's me would surely surpass today's.

That gave me strength again. I worked even harder.

At the end of the third year, I actually came first in a minor examination.

My classmates came to congratulate me.

Looking at their smiling faces, I felt warmth swell inside.

I knew my own abilities.

Three years of hard work had brought me among the leading pupils, but I hadn't truly surpassed everyone.

They had deliberately yielded, helping me fulfill that wish.

The Senior Princess happened to inspect the academy that day.

Interested by what she heard, she called me into a private room.

She didn't test my writing.

Instead, she asked about ordinary people's lives.

“You grew up in Qingzhou. Do you remember the epidemic ten years ago?”

Of course I remembered.

My adoptive parents had caught that disease and died, one after the other.

“The court came too late,” she sighed.

When the outbreak began ten years before, the court hadn't taken it seriously.

Only after it spread did the crown prince receive orders to supervise the response in Qingzhou.

The epidemic was dangerous. He stayed three days before returning to the capital.

The Senior Princess remained.

She cared for patients in the shelters, distributed congee to refugees beneath the fierce sun, and stayed up late every night.

Only after the imperial physicians found a treatment and the outbreak was controlled did she return.

But the disaster had spread through several prefectures. Countless common people had died.

Some refugees, angry at the court's slow response, gathered in revolt.

Though quickly suppressed, it left the region unstable.

Rumor also said Prince Cheng had used the chaos to secretly raise a private army.

Beyond the borders, northern enemies watched for an opportunity.

Within, the old struggle over the succession still threatened.

Far away in Shu, Prince Cheng had coveted the throne for years.

The Ning dynasty had never truly been peaceful.

In Qingzhou, I had heard people praise the Senior Princess.

She had courage and ability and could advise the emperor.

Without those gifts, he would long since have sent her north in a marriage alliance.

Though no less capable than the crown prince, she could only stand behind him.

His mother had been the emperor's dead, idealized love. That made his position unshakable.

That day, the princess asked many questions.

How had people rebuilt after the epidemic? How hard had their lives been? Had local officials truly done their utmost?

...

I told her everything I knew.

After the disaster, people wept and complained.

In the end, they still had to bend their backs and restore ruined homes and fields, bit by bit.

However difficult life was, they had to go on living.

She said that before disaster, ordinary people might seem small, yet their very bones held an inexhaustible resilience.

Before I left, she told me I could go down the mountain with the other pupils in half a month.

10

I returned to the marquis's residence on the Mid-Autumn Festival.

Lights blazed. Laughter never stopped.

They were enjoying a reunion dinner.

Lin Wanrou and Pei Jingzhao had brought the twins and their youngest child.

The children's innocent remarks had the whole table roaring with laughter.

It really was a picture of warm, perfect family life.

Only after chatting and laughing for a while did Mother notice me.

Her expression immediately grew awkward.

“He'er, why are you back today? Come and eat with us.”

Looking at their stiff faces, I smiled.

“Madam, I sent a letter well before coming down the mountain.”

She opened her mouth but found nothing to say.

I didn't dwell on it.

After arranging the things I had brought, I prepared to leave that very night.

Before going, I took off the protective talisman I always carried and gave it to her.

Early that year, Master Huiming of the Temple of National Protection had lectured at the academy.

Afterward, I followed him to the temple and prayed sincerely before the Buddha for this talisman.

Giving birth to me had harmed Mother's health. She had been frail ever since.

As her daughter, I had nothing precious to offer.

A prayer for her safety would be my last small gesture.

“It can protect you and ward off evil. Since your health is poor, keep it with you.”

She clenched it in her palm. Tears suddenly fell.

I avoided her wet eyes and calmly walked out.

The capital was growing increasingly unsettled.

Just then, the Senior Princess invited me to become an adviser in her household.

Two classmates joined me.

The following March, the Northern Rong suddenly attacked southward and captured two cities in succession.

Prince Cheng, who had concealed his ambitions for years, seized the opportunity.

He rebelled. His elite troops entered the palace and fought their way to the emperor's bedchamber.

That night, blood ran through the palace gates.

But when the crown prince heard, he hid in the Eastern Palace and fled overnight with his wife and children.

So greedy for life and afraid of death was he that he disregarded even the emperor's safety.

The usually discreet Senior Princess instead led soldiers to the rescue.

Amid the fighting, she killed Prince Cheng herself.

Her prestige soared.

The officials were heartened. The people praised her.

Shocked and furious, the emperor lost all confidence in the crown prince.

He reduced him to a commoner and richly rewarded the princess.

Still unwilling to accept it, the former crown prince attempted another palace coup to regain his position.

Fortunately, the princess was prepared and captured him at once.

This time, the emperor no longer hesitated.

The former crown prince was ordered to die.

The Senior Princess was named heir apparent.

Pei Jingzhao, who had always followed the prince, was implicated and fell abruptly into danger.

11

By then, I was an adviser the princess valued highly.

Mother hurried to beg me for help.

She repeatedly explained that Pei Jingzhao had merely been friendly with the prince and knew nothing of the rebellion.

“Jingzhao could never rebel,” she said tearfully. “He'er, think of Wan'er. She has three children. If her husband is convicted, how will they live?”

I watched the mountains beyond the window.

My heart remained still.

“Madam, that's Wanrou's affair. What does it have to do with me?”

I smiled and added, “Her children have nothing to do with me either.”

Mother froze and gripped her sleeve.

“But you and Wan'er are sisters of a sort.”

“He'er, will you really not save her?”

She broke off, then looked up after a while.

“I won't.”

“Do you still resent me? And Wan'er?” Her voice trembled.

“I don't want to save her. Whether I resent anyone has nothing to do with it.”

Mother left looking worn.

In the end, Pei Jingzhao was stripped of every office and taken to the Court of Judicial Review.

Rumors spread through court that the emperor intended to execute him.

Lin Wanrou cried every day.

Worrying about her future, Mother's already frail health collapsed.

The marquis and my brother came too.

“She's your birth mother,” they scolded. “You share her blood. How can you bear to see her so ill? You're heartless!”

“She fell ill worrying about Wan'er. Save Jingzhao, and she'll recover naturally. You can't be so selfish.”

After scolding, they softened their voices.

“My lord, if you're so anxious, why don't you plead yourselves? Why come and pressure me?”

I waited.

Both were immediately speechless.

I laughed coldly.

“Because pleading for someone in a treason case would anger His Majesty. You're afraid of being implicated.”

“You won't risk yourselves, but you don't care whether I lose my life.”

12

When the marquis's household couldn't persuade me, Lin Wanrou finally came herself.

Before she spoke, tears covered her face.

I could see that she probably felt thoroughly wronged.

With her husband imprisoned, she could beg the princess, the empress, her parents, or her brother.

Only bowing to me was unbearable.

To ask me was, to her, to admit a great humiliation.

I was lowborn, forever beneath her. How could she lower her head before someone like that?

Yet finally, through tears, she spoke.

“He'er, the princess favors you now. You hold office too. Speak well of him to her. Ask her to plead with His Majesty. There must be a way.”

I truly couldn't understand.

So I asked directly, “Why do all of you think I have the power to save your husband?”

The more I thought, the more absurd it seemed.

“Yes, the princess values me. But I'm still a minor official. Will she obey because I say a word? Will the emperor?”

She cried harder and answered blankly.

“I don't understand these things. I don't understand any of it. Father told me to beg you. Brother said you would have a way.”

“My parents-in-law can barely protect themselves. People are watching the ducal residence. I slipped out secretly.”

“They said finding you was our last hope. The princess values you, and one day she'll take the throne. If you plead for Jingzhao, there must be a way.”

Driven into a corner, perhaps she truly had lost all sense.

She couldn't think through even the simplest reasoning.