Chapter 5
Edward Quan ·
Like a victim.
Liang Bo asked through clenched teeth, “So... you killed her?”
Even if he knew everything, I had to gamble.
At least keep myself alive.
“I admit I was wrong back then. But I only meant to frighten her. It was He Ze. He pushed her.
“At most, I was a witness.”
I called his name softly.
“Liang Bo. We've known each other for years. Don't you know me?
“I've never changed. I could risk my life to save Huo Ran. I could lend you money without a second thought.”
His gaze began to waver.
His eyes reddened too.
Seeing it was working, I went on.
“Besides, she already intended to kill herself. She certainly wouldn't want you to make a mistake for her sake.
“So... let me go.”
18
I don't know whether I imagined it.
Liang Bo's face grew darker and darker.
He drew a deep breath and stepped in front of me.
“I can spare you. But first, answer one question.
“Why did Huo Ran want to kill herself?”
My scalp prickled.
After a long time, I forced a smile uglier than tears.
“What... what are you saying? How would I know? Whatever happened between you and her—”
“LIN FU!”
He slammed both fists into the floor.
“Tell me! Why did she want to kill herself?”
I couldn't remember how long it had been since I'd seen him lose control like that.
Since her death, he'd lived like a walking corpse.
On the surface, he'd smiled and chatted with everyone.
But I knew that wasn't the real him.
The man before me now was.
A living, breathing person.
His voice carried me back to the night I least wanted to remember.
My birthday.
I'd failed an exam.
My present was a beating from both parents.
Unable to bear the injustice, I went drinking with He Ze.
The first time I'd ever been drunk.
He offered to have his family's driver take me home.
It was late, though, so I chose a taxi.
In countless sleepless nights afterward, I regretted it.
If only I'd let his driver take me.
Or hadn't gone home.
Or hadn't entered that alley.
Halfway through the taxi ride, I began vomiting.
Despite my pleading, the driver heartlessly threw me out.
I walked and grumbled.
My useless parents couldn't have made me a rich young master.
They pinned all their hopes on me.
Why was I so stupid? So bad at studying?
Then I heard cries for help from an alley.
That was the first time I saved Huo Ran.
And the first time I wanted to kill her.
Several thugs had pinned her to the ground.
I don't know where I found the courage.
I grabbed a brick and rushed in.
Seeing someone, they immediately fled.
At first, I really intended to help her up.
I swear.
I truly meant to help.
But as I approached, I froze.
In the dim yellow light, I saw her pale, naked body.
Heat flared in my lower abdomen.
An adult film I'd just watched with He Ze came unbidden to mind.
By the time I came to my senses, it was over.
Her pale body was covered in horrifying injuries.
Liang Bo punched me hard in the face.
“You animal! Are you even human?”
19
I hurried to defend myself.
“I was drunk. I didn't know what I was doing. By the time—”
“Drunk?”
He laughed coldly.
“Drunk, but you knew to put on the protection the others had dropped? Drunk, but you knew to clean up before leaving?”
Realizing I couldn't deceive him, I fell silent.
He was right.
I'd never lost my reason.
Not only had I cleaned up, I'd intended to kill her too.
Just as I raised a stone, she stirred from unconsciousness and moaned a few times.
Those sounds frightened me.
They were also what kept her alive.
“Why? Why?”
Liang Bo almost sank to his knees.
I could see how much pain he was in.
“You weren't close to Ranran then, but she was still your classmate!
“How could you do that?
“Do you know she developed depression afterward?”
“Fuck! Is that my fault?
“If it hadn't been me, it would've been those other bastards.
“In a way, I saved her.
“Besides, she could've gone to the police. She didn't! Why?
“Because she knew she was dressed indecently. Out at midnight in skimpy clothes.
“Wasn't she trying to seduce men?”
“Fuck you!”
His punches rained onto my face and body.
By the end, I couldn't even tell where it hurt.
He stopped only when he was exhausted.
He asked, “What right does an abuser have to blame the victim for not going to the police?
“She didn't report it because there are too many scum like you in this world.
“You only know how to blame victims. You drown every hope they have in your spit.
“You casually say, ‘Wasn't it because she wore too little?’
“Since when must a victim be perfect and flawless before the perpetrator is at fault?
“There is so much unprovoked evil in this world.
“People don't have to be blameless to deserve to be called victims.”
Huo Ran hadn't gone to the police because she'd heard too many things like that.
She'd even begun wondering whether she was the one at fault.
She told no one.
She didn't want her parents to worry.
Or Liang Bo, the boy she loved, to suffer.
She swallowed it all alone.
Until the feelings she couldn't release overwhelmed her.
And she thought of death.
20
“Do you know... when you saved her, you really did save her?”
Liang Bo said she hadn't intended to kill herself at the lake.
She'd seen her little sister fall in and jumped after her.
The bank was crowded.
No one came to help.
Despair swallowed her again.
She wondered whether no one would save her because she didn't deserve to live.
All she could do was scream.
“Please! Save my sister!”
Then I jumped.
Despite the freezing water.
Despite everyone trying to stop me.
Without even hesitating.
I hadn't thought of anything when I jumped.
I owed her.
I couldn't watch her die in front of me.
Even though I'd once wanted to kill her.
“Remember... when we visited you in hospital, she asked you something?”
Of course I remembered.
“Why did you save me?”
I'd answered like a hero.
“We're classmates. How could I stand there and watch you die?”
“Aren't you afraid... you might not have made it out either?”
I'd said, “So what?”