Chapter 4

She made the servants I'd driven out of the household kneel one after another before Xie Jing'an.

They confirmed my sister's accusations and branded me as a disgraceful woman who had schemed for a marriage.

When my trusted servant brought the news to me, I stood beneath the cold moonlight, watching the last plum blossoms on the bare branches.

I remained there until midnight.

Then Xie Jing'an appeared before me, his shoulders dusted with frost and his expression cold.

He had hidden the bloodstained handkerchief in his sleeve.

He held his anger in check, but when his eyes passed over the old scar on the back of my hand, the warmth in them froze into something dark.

I understood.

And I felt a deep regret.

I'd thought I could give him a lifetime of happiness.

I hadn't expected him to insist on taking that journey and walking straight into his own death.

**06**

From then on, we shared a bed but not a heart.

He was busy with official duties, busy with his career, busy bringing concubines and maids who resembled my elder sister into the household one after another.

His indifference, coldness, and contempt grew more and more obvious.

When our affection had thinned to almost nothing, a concubine used a child that never existed to frame me.

He knew the truth.

But he stood by and watched.

As I pressed the woman's head against the chopping block, with only one stroke left before I killed her, Xie Jing'an calmly lifted his teacup and said:

“Didn't you use these very tricks to scheme against other people? Why can't you stand it when it happens to you?”

“It's the workings of cause and effect. You sowed the bitter fruit, so now you should obediently eat it.”

I would never endure such cowardly humiliation.

After selling that concubine off, I took firm control of the money, the household authority, and the children's upbringing and futures.

Only Xie Jing'an was someone I no longer wanted to look at.

Until the third year, when he came drunk to the main courtyard.

He could hold it in no longer.

He slammed the bloodstained handkerchief onto the table.

“Today's Yuetang's birthday. Do you still remember her?”

His eyes were bloodshot, and he reeked of wine.

“She was only twenty when she died, driven to her grave by your schemes and your endless fighting. Shen Yuemian, she was your elder sister. Is your heart made of stone?”

A cruel smile crossed his face as he came closer, step by step.

“When you wake in the middle of the night, do you ever see the horrible way she died and startle awake?”

“Shen Yuemian, I regret it. I regret falling for your schemes.”

“There's only one thing I've wanted to ask you all this time: do you love me, or do you love the wealth and prospects of the Xie family?”

The lamplight flickered before my eyes, reaching deep into my heart.

I looked up.

“What difference does it make?”

“Without the Xie family, would you be who you are today? Even if I loved you, it would be the man shaped by the Xie family's money and splendor that I loved.”

He staggered, laughing until tears ran down his face.

“So your gentleness and obedience were all a lie. The only real thing was your fighting and scheming?”

“Now that you've got your wealth and status, you can't even be bothered to pretend with me anymore?”

“Shen Yuemian, I hate you. I hate your lies, your cruelty, and the false affection you used to take advantage of me.”

“How could you treat me this way?”

He swept the teacup from the table. Shards flew up and cut a bloody line across my cheek.

When fresh blood appeared, Xie Jing'an faltered.

But his gaze fell on the brocade handkerchief on the table, and the hand reaching toward me slowly withdrew.

“You destroyed Yuetang and trampled on my sincere feelings. You're cruel.”

He wasn't wrong.

I was cruel.

When I realized he had turned against me completely, that he was cold to our children and even planned to name his nephew heir, I finally let go of the last traces of guilt and restraint.

I used the concubines who were fighting for his favor to slowly destroy his health, bowl by bowl, with poison—until at last, I killed him.

In the tenth year of my marriage to Xie Jing'an, he was on his way to supervise flood control when he coughed up blood and fell from his horse. After that, he never recovered.

As he lay dying, I was the only one at his bedside.

His insides wracked with pain, he used the last of his strength to clutch my hand and say bitterly:

“If you hadn't plotted against her at every turn, why would Yuetang have died with such resentment?”

“I regret it. I've regretted it for a long time. I shouldn't have married you or helped your cruelty.”

“If there's another life, stop competing with her. Give her the happy life she deserved. I beg you.”

I pulled my hand away and looked down at him with a cold laugh.

“Who do you think you are? You tell me not to compete, and I'm supposed to obey?”

“You heard the truth from her, but did you ever hear it from me? Do you even know what really happened?”

“You don't. You're gullible. Whoever cries gets to be right.”

“Useless fool. Die. I've had enough.”

I pushed Xie Jing'an back onto his bed.

He spat out a mouthful of blood and died consumed by hatred.

He was only twenty-seven.

People said Marquis Xie had devoted himself to the country until the day he fell from his horse.

His loyal service and achievements became the fortune of my two children.

And I didn't waste any time, either.

As soon as he died, I took a whole household of male favorites.

I spent another fifty years living in luxury, with fine food and beautiful clothes.