Chapter 1
Edward Quan ·
A timid little ghost suddenly moved into my home.
While I was traveling, I called toward the security camera:
“Hey, could you turn off the faucet for me?”
There was no response.
“Stop pretending. I know you’re there.”
After a moment of silence, the faucet quietly turned itself off.
“Good. Tonight, you’ll get to crawl under the covers as a reward.”
1
A gust of ghostly wind drifted slowly in front of the camera.
The ghost’s voice trembled a little.
“Y-you knew?”
“Every night after the lights go out, you crawl under the covers even faster than I do. When there’s thunder, you burrow into my arms, too. It’s hard not to notice.”
He spoke in a tiny voice.
“I’m sorry… I’m a little… afraid of the dark.”
The person on the other end stared blankly at the screen for a few seconds.
“Um… are you even human?”
I rolled my eyes.
“You’re the one who isn’t human.”
“Sorry, sorry. I wasn’t insulting you. I meant… you can see me?”
Well…
At that moment, I felt as speechless as the delivery bear Da Xiong being intercepted by Ultraman on the road, then blamed for losing the armor-summoning device by Hu Tutu.
“Before you came to stay here, didn’t you check out the homeowner?”
“You little rascal. My family has been Taoist priests for three generations.”
The ghost answered weakly.
“I forgot…”
Then, as if summoning all his courage, he asked, “So… could you protect me?
“Your home is the only place in this whole building where the ghosts don’t dare to go.”
Come on, man… one trick after another.
“It’s already generous of me not to charge you rent. And you still have the nerve to make demands?”
The ghost clenched his fingers, nervous and uneasy.
“I… I won’t stay for free. Ghosts… ghosts can help you with lots of things.”
I raised an eyebrow at the screen.
“Like what?”
“C-cooling the bed. Would that work?”
2
I propped my chin on my hand and looked at the temperature in City A: 45 degrees.
Um… that actually might be useful.
The ghost leaned close to the camera, trying to see me through the tiny device.
I had to admit, that little rosy mouth of his was kind of cute.
He carefully held the camera in his hands. “Sis… when are you coming home?”
I’d deliberately signed up for a tour during my vacation so I could escape the heat.
“In two or three days.”
“All right.”
He looked a little disappointed.
A mosquito buzzed by my ear. I swatted it dead.
“If you’re bored, you can watch TV.”
His eyes lit up.
“Can ghosts watch iPads?”
What was so interesting about an iPad?
The ghost gave a shy little “Mm.”
“In the browser, it looks like you saved some videos you really like. You watch them every night, and they’re in a foreign language, too.”
“Ghosts are just curious~”
Ah! My face immediately flushed.
“No! You can’t watch those!”
The ghost tilted his head, confused.
“Why not?”
“No reason!”
I coughed twice.
“They’re secret Taoist incantations I’ve been studying in secret. Ghosts would get hurt watching them.”
The ghost suddenly understood and gave me a thumbs-up.
“So you’re a hardworking human.”
He tilted his head, thinking.
“Then can ghosts read books?”
“What books?”
“The ones in your bedside drawer. They even have illustrations. I’m sure a ghost could understand them.”
Seriously? He’d even found the only little romance books I had?
I shook my head firmly.
“No, you can’t.”
The ghost wilted, his ears drooping.
Then I had an idea.
“There is one thing you can read.”
The ghost perked right up.
“What?”
I told him to get the spare phone from the drawer and open WeChat.
Then I had him download a few .txt files called “A Modern Man’s Code of Conduct” from the internet and send them to my secondary account.
“Memorize them.”
“When I get home, I’ll quiz you.”
3
The ghost obediently nodded and began reading aloud.
“Big breasts but low self-esteem are a man’s best dowry.”
“You should listen when she talks, comfort her when she’s angry, and agree with everything she says.”
“A man who can cook will have a household overflowing with wealth; a man who does the housework will bring prosperity to his family; and a man who can endure hardship can drive a Range Rover.”
Seeing how silly he looked, I felt reassured and turned off the camera.
The ghost had moved in a month earlier.
That night, thunder boomed and lightning flashed.
Before long, I felt a ghostly breeze slip under my covers.
“Ooh~ So warm~”
I woke up instantly.
What kind of ghost dared to break into a Taoist priest’s home?
I rolled over and sprang up, opening the bedside drawer to get a talisman.
You evil spirit! Today I’ll show you what it means to come in and never leave!
But when I turned around, the ghost beside me was curled up under the covers, soaked from head to toe, even his toes curled up. He was still shivering.
“I can finally get a good night’s sleep… Sob…”
Huh? Not an evil spirit?
A timid ghost!
“Your blanket smells so nice. I want to stay here forever…”
Umm, and he liked muttering to himself, too?
I’d heard timid ghosts were the lowest class in the underworld and were often bullied. Sometimes, when they couldn’t take it anymore, they hid in the human world for a while. They didn’t hurt anyone. When my dad performed rituals, he usually let ghosts like that go.
Looking at how timid he was…
Fine.
I simply turned around and pretended I hadn’t seen him.
As expected of me—a kind-hearted beauty.
“Make sure you cover yourself up, or you’ll get a chill in your stomach.”
Half asleep, I thought I felt a gentle breeze tuck the blanket around me.