Chapter 3

Xia Shen said nothing in answer.

He looked defeated, his lips pressed tightly together, but his hand still gripped my wrist. He refused to let go.

I gave him a calm look and pried his hand away.

Then I spoke, quietly and seriously.

“Xia Shen, I'm genuinely grateful you helped me get to know Cen Xi. We're very happy together. I hope you won't disturb our lives from now on.”

9

Once finals were over, summer vacation began.

I had told my family I would stay in town and work over the break. Then I asked my academic adviser for permission to remain in the dorm.

When Cen Xi heard I wasn't going home, he stayed on campus with me.

I found a part-time job at a nearby dessert shop. He became a cashier at a McDonald's not far from where I worked.

Our shifts started and ended at almost the same time.

Nearly every morning, he bought breakfast and waited for me below the women's dorm so we could go to work together. In the evenings, we returned to campus together too.

About a week later, my phone rang in the middle of the night, waking me from a deep sleep.

I groped beneath my pillow for it.

After working all day, I was so tired I could barely open my eyes.

I answered.

Xia Shen's familiar low voice soon came through.

“Tan Lu, I feel awful. You forgot my birthday.”

I paused, then checked the time.

It was almost one in the morning.

His birthday had ended an hour ago.

For the first time in seven years, I had forgotten it.

I remembered his birthday during the summer after we graduated from high school. He had asked only me to come out.

He told me his parents had divorced—and on his birthday, of all days. They had completely forgotten what day it was.

That night, I lied to my parents for the first time.

I said I was sleeping over at Sisi's.

In fact, after I took Xia Shen home, he told me his father had moved in with his mistress. His mother had a lover of her own and hadn't been home in a long time.

He held me and begged me to stay with him for the night.

For the first time, that tall, handsome boy, so independent and full of sunshine, showed me his vulnerability.

Seeing him in pain had made me cry too.

It should have been a memory that hurt every time I recalled it.

Instead, I gave a long yawn.

When I spoke, my voice was still thick with sleep.

“Sorry. I'm exhausted, and I have work tomorrow morning. If it isn't important, I'm going to hang up.”

He said nothing.

When no further words came, I ended the call.

Then I fumbled about and found the giant Totoro plush at the head of my bed. Cen Xi had won it with me at a claw machine during a trip to the mall.

I hugged Totoro and quickly fell asleep again.

10

Qixi, the Chinese Valentine's Day, fell during summer vacation that year.

With the holiday approaching, I wanted to prepare a gift for Cen Xi.

Before I could decide what to give him, he asked for one himself.

“Could you make me a box of chocolates?”

I stared at him, puzzled.

“How do you know I can make chocolates?”

He smiled shyly and made no attempt to hide it.

“Last year, just after we started freshman year, it was Valentine's Day. You gave Xia Shen a box of homemade chocolates. He didn't eat them. He brought them back to the dorm, and I ate the lot.”

In fact, I'd made Xia Shen a box every Valentine's Day before that too.

He was the reason I had learned to make chocolates.

Before he had a girlfriend, we used to joke that everyone else celebrated Valentine's Day while we celebrated “Friendship Day.”

So whenever I gave him chocolates, he accepted them.

Cen Xi tugged my hand and pouted.

“Make me some, please? I've been thinking about that taste for two years.”

He was so tall and handsome, yet with me he was like a child, always knowing how to wheedle.

I nodded.

He immediately hugged me, laughing.

“Where else would I find a girlfriend this wonderful? I'm so happy!”

10

Xia Shen returned to campus two days before Valentine's Day.

That day, Cen Xi and I finished work together. He walked me to the dorm entrance, and we said goodbye.

Not long afterward, Xia Shen called.

“Come down for a moment. I'm waiting outside your dorm.”

It was already eight thirty, and fully dark.

I had only just opened my room door. I hadn't even switched on the light.

I didn't want to see him, so I made an excuse.

“You're back early. Bad timing, though—I'm not in my room.”

His voice dropped.

“Tan Lu, don't lie. I just saw Cen Xi bring you back.”

Helplessly, I hung up and went outside again.

After more than a month, Xia Shen was as handsome as ever.

Only his eyes seemed a little more haggard.

When he saw me, his lips curved, his eyes softening with a faint smile.

He came toward me and held out two tickets.

“There's an Optics Valley music festival in Wuhan in a few days. I broke my promise last time. This time, I'll definitely go with you.”

My gaze flickered at the tickets.

After a moment, I looked up with a small smile.

“No need. Sisi went with me to the Strawberry Music Festival in Shanghai over the May Day break. I even got to see my favorite band.”

Before that holiday, I had asked Xia Shen to go to the Strawberry Music Festival with me.

He'd agreed.

So I called on every friend I could to help me fight for tickets online.

Luckily, I actually managed to buy two.

It was the middle of the night when I got them.

I was too excited to sleep.

The following morning, I ran straight to the men's dorm to tell him the good news in person.

But when he came out and heard me, he only said calmly, “Ask someone else. I've got other plans for May Day.”

Not until I returned from Shanghai did my roommate tell me what those plans had been. Xia Shen had stayed behind with Lin Manman, handing out flyers at a part-time job for all five days.

He hadn't confessed to her yet, but they were already in that ambiguous stage before a relationship.

I'd truly wondered what “other plans” could be so important.

In the end, he'd simply stayed at school to hand out flyers with her.

How ridiculous.

His eyes dimmed.

He frowned slightly, paused, then spoke again.

“I checked the lineup for this festival. Your favorite band will be there too. It's only a few days away, and summer vacation isn't over yet…”

I cut him off.

“Xia Shen, I have a boyfriend. Do you think going to a music festival with you would be appropriate?”

His hands clenched into fists at his sides.

He stared at me darkly.

“Are you really serious about Cen Xi? Tan Lu, you've liked me for so many years. Can you really let go that easily?”

I raised my eyes, a trace of mockery in them.

There it was. He'd known all along.

Yet knowing how long I'd liked him, he had still asked me out to tell Lin Manman, in front of me, that we were only friends. Buddies.

Wasn't it laughable?

My smile made his gaze waver.

Suddenly, he reached for my wrist.

His deep eyes fixed on mine, earnest and full of feeling.

“Tan Lu, you're the one I like. Come back to me?”

I turned away from that ardent gaze.

Then I pushed his hand aside and stepped back.

“Xia Shen, I've let go. The truth is, I hadn't liked you that much for a long time. But I'd spent seven years chasing you. Liking you had become an obsession. That day, when I saw you and Lin Manman kissing beneath the parasol tree, I was miserable all night. Afterward, though, I realized it wasn't the two of you being together that hurt. It was realizing… my obsession was gone.”

He shook his head in panic, staring at me with reddened eyes.

“No. You wouldn't stop liking me.”

I looked at him coolly.

“It's true. I don't need to lie to you. But that old obsession doesn't matter to me anymore either. I have Cen Xi now.”

He seized my arm, something frantic flashing in his eyes.

He kept denying it.

“You've liked me for seven years. How long have you even known Cen Xi? How could you like him?”

He dragged me into his arms as though afraid I would leave.

But I struggled free with more strength than I had ever used in my life.

“Xia Shen, stay away from me. I don't like you anymore. However many times you ask, my answer won't change.”

He stared blankly, staggering back several steps, looking both wretched and pitiful.

“It's late,” I said. “I'm going back to rest. Go.”

Then I turned and entered the dorm.

Whatever I had once felt for him had long since scattered on the wind.

11

On Valentine's Day, Cen Xi asked me to meet him at the café where I had agreed to date him.

Sweet love songs played one after another. Pink balloons decorated the room, making it feel warm and romantic.

His bright eyes stayed fixed on the gift in my hands.

I gave him the chocolates I had made.

He eagerly opened the box at once.

I'd made three colors: white, dark, and pink.

The pink chocolates formed a heart in the center, with our names inscribed on either side.

His eyes lit up. He was thrilled.

Immediately, he took out his phone, snapped a picture, and posted it to his social feed.

“My girlfriend made these chocolates for me. I love her to death!”

I couldn't help laughing.

“You're so cheesy!”

He raised his eyebrows and grinned.

“How is that cheesy? I want the whole world to know Cen Xi likes Tan Lu. That I'm crazy about her!”

The sweeter things grew between us, the smoother his tongue became.

But being with him felt like exactly the kind of love I wanted.

That day, I gave him chocolates.

He gave me a scarf.

I stared.

“Do you know what season it is? You're giving me a scarf in the middle of summer?”

He hunched his shoulders and pouted, looking aggrieved.

“Didn't you give Xia Shen one last winter? He knew I'd liked you for ages, so he just handed it to me. I could tell at a glance you'd knitted it yourself.

“I thought I should knit one for you too…

“It's not as if it'll go bad. You can wear it when it's cold.”

Looking at the red scarf as he explained, I felt something stir in my heart.

I really had knitted Xia Shen a scarf the previous winter.

It had been my first attempt. I kept making mistakes, unraveling it, and starting again.

It took me about half a month to make one I was happy with.

My fingertips had been red and swollen, even callused. The slightest touch hurt.

I had happily presented it to him.

His face was calm, with no particular expression.

But he accepted it.

That had been enough to satisfy me.

I had never imagined he'd gone back and casually handed it to Cen Xi.

I reached for Cen Xi's hands.

One glance showed me his fingers: red, swollen, even callused.

My eyes stung.

Smiling, I asked, “Do they still hurt?”

He immediately began coaxing sympathy from me.

“Yes! Knitting is so hard to learn. Every time I made a stitch, that steel needle poked my finger. All that poking, over and over, and it swelled up…”

I couldn't help laughing at him.

“Cen Xi, I'm starting to think you're talking dirty.”

Cen Xi: “…”

12

Back in my dorm that night, I wrapped his scarf around my neck and admired it in the mirror for a long time.

It was the height of summer, but I didn't feel hot wearing it.

Quite the opposite: I felt cool and comfortable, and it looked lovely.

Just then, Xia Shen called.

His voice was choked, as though he were about to cry. His words tumbled out in confusion. He was probably drunk.

“You said… You said it yourself! Tan Lu, why did you make chocolates for him? You told me you would only ever make them for me…”

I still remembered the last time I had given him chocolates, on Valentine's Day in freshman year, just after I started university.

After accepting them, he'd said, “I'm sick of chocolate. Don't give me any more. Give them to someone else.”

Without a word, I hung up.

Then I blocked him everywhere he could contact me.

I checked the time. It was still quite early, so I called Cen Xi instead.

“We only just said goodbye, and I miss you already.”

On the other end, he sounded so happy he could barely stop smiling.

“Then go to your window and look down.”

I paused, then went over.

There he was below, a heart of candles behind him, a bunch of vivid red roses in his arms.

He looked up and shouted, “Tan Lu, I love you!”

I hurried downstairs.

As soon as he saw me, he put down the flowers and opened his arms.

I ran straight into them. He swept me off my feet.

“What are you doing?” I asked. “Haven't we already exchanged gifts?”

“I just felt like surprising you,” he said with a grin.

I cupped his face, bent down, and planted a firm kiss on those lips that were always teasing me.

Then I leaned close to his ear and whispered, “I love you too.”

— The End —