Chapter 3
Edward Quan ·
I shook my head and began my standard routine of clinging to him.
Only now there was no feeling in it.
No more trying to find pleasure in the pain.
No more searching for sweetness among shards of broken glass.
“Oh, Doctor, my arm hurts so much. Could you hold it up for me? Hurry and check whether I'm all healed.”
“Doctor, my breast hurts every night. Can I call you?”
“Thank you for treating me, Dr. Shen. Let me buy you lunch.”
Shen Bai frowned, studying me.
I smiled back without a care.
“No need. It's my job.”
Exactly the refusal I'd expected.
I pestered him for a little longer, then left the hospital.
That evening, somehow, he discovered I wasn't following him.
He called me.
“Where are you?”
“I have something on tonight. Consider it a night off.”
As I spoke, my colleague Jiang Huainian brought me a chair.
“Xiaoke, Xu Ji Hotpot is so popular they can't seat us yet. Sit here for now.”
I thanked him and sat down.
When I looked at my phone again, the call had already ended.
9
It was almost another twenty minutes before Jiang Huainian and I got a table.
Dinner was on me.
He'd resigned. We'd started as interns together and both been kept on afterward. He'd helped me a great deal at work. Whatever way you looked at it, I owed him this meal.
“Jiang Huainian, here's to things getting better for both of us!”
“Haha! To things getting better!”
We clinked glasses and drained them.
He wiped his mouth, glanced behind me, then leaned closer and lowered his voice.
“There's a handsome guy behind you. Do you know him?”
I turned.
And met Shen Bai's cool, steady gaze.
He sat two tables away, by the window, watching me.
Like a cat that had caught a mouse, he curled his lips, stood, and walked over.
“Aren't you going to introduce us, Xu Ke?”
Jiang Huainian looked bewildered.
“Xu Ke, what's going on?”
I'd like to know.
Why was he acting as though he'd caught me cheating?
Not in the mood for explanations, I simply gave their names.
“This is Shen Bai.”
“This is Jiang Huainian.”
Jiang Huainian politely offered his hand.
“Nice to meet you. Would you like to join us?”
Shen Bai looked at his hand but didn't take it.
His gaze rose to Jiang Huainian's face.
“I've seen you before.”
“Huh? When?”
Jiang Huainian clearly hadn't expected that.
Shen Bai tilted his head, thinking.
“March 21, 2022. Ten twenty-seven at night. You and Xu Ke checked into the Jinjiang Hotel. The next morning, you left at ten forty-six.”
Jiang Huainian's eyes widened in disbelief.
I remembered it.
We'd just started our internship and had gone out drinking with clients. A bald man kept trying to make me drink. Jiang Huainian took every glass for me.
He got so drunk he couldn't even tell me where he lived. His phone was locked, so I couldn't contact his family or friends.
After he'd been so decent to me, I couldn't leave him in the lurch.
I took a taxi back to campus with him first.
Leaving him in a small pavilion, I rushed upstairs for my ID, then took him to get a hotel room.
I'd intended to settle him in and go straight back to school.
Who knew he was such a terrifying drunk?
He sang and danced, cried and made a scene.
One moment, he insisted the door was made of highly toxic material and had to come off.
The next, he claimed he was a mermaid and wanted to run enough water to swim back to the sea.
I wasn't worried he'd get hurt.
I was worried I couldn't afford the damages.
So I had to stay and watch him.
The next morning, when he sobered up and saw how exhausted I was, he apologized over and over.
My legs were still weak when we left. I'd also strained my back trying to save the door, so the culprit had to help me out as I clutched my waist and walked with my legs apart.
I hadn't known Shen Bai had seen that.
He even remembered it to the minute.
Had he waited outside the hotel all night?
Why?
My thoughts were a tangle.
Something seemed about to break through, but I couldn't grasp it.
Jiang Huainian remembered too.
“Oh, right! That did happen. But what does it have to do with you?”
Having an embarrassing incident brought up in front of a stranger put an end to his courtesy.
His tone turned sharp.
Shen Bai's eyes went cold.
His whole manner changed. Hostility seemed to radiate from him.
Afraid they might fight, I quickly stepped in front of Jiang Huainian.
“Shen Bai, if you have a problem, take it up with me. Leave him out of it.”
10
Seeing me protect Jiang Huainian made Shen Bai's eyes turn red.
A mocking smile pulled at his mouth.
“Hah. Xu Ke. You're certainly faithful. All these years, and it's still him.”
“You didn't hesitate to abandon me for him back then. And now you're doing it again.”
I wanted to say that wasn't true.
My internship had been so miserable I'd barely even been able to look after myself.
But what came out was,
“Shen Bai, is this fun for you? You make yourself sound so pitiful. Aren't you… aren't you about to marry the deputy director's daughter? Let's leave the past behind. Let each other go.”
His pupils contracted. Surprise flickered in his eyes.
Surprise?
“Where did you hear that?”
“The whole hospital knows. I'm the only idiot. Shen Bai, are you enjoying playing with me? Have you had enough? If you have, could you please end this?”
I really couldn't keep going.
I didn't want to lose control and sink any deeper.
I didn't want two people in love to go on tormenting each other.
Yes.
I still liked Shen Bai.
It wasn't until we'd met again at the hospital that I realized my feelings had never faded.
They'd only been sealed away in the depths of my heart.
One look from him had set them burning again.
They burned so fiercely that even knowing he was taking revenge, knowing it was a trap, I'd still walked willingly into it.
For a while, I'd even lost all reason.
I'd thought: if he could take revenge on me like this for the rest of his life, and let me cling to him for the rest of mine, wouldn't that mean we'd be together forever?
Ha.
How ridiculous.
The tears came, no matter how I tried to stop them.
Shen Bai grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the restaurant, leaving a stunned Jiang Huainian behind.
He drove with his foot hard on the accelerator.
Veins stood out on the hands gripping the steering wheel.
Safety first.
I wisely kept my mouth shut and held on to the grab handle.
At his apartment, we erupted into a furious argument.
“Xu Ke! You're a liar!”
“Better than being a lunatic like you!”
“Tell me! All those times you said you loved me, that you liked me—was it all a lie? Why did you toy with me if you didn't like me?”
“What about you? Why are you doing this to me now? Don't tell me it's because you like me!”
“I went looking for you, Xu Ke! And what did I see? You wrapped around another man, going to get a hotel room!”
“So what if we got a room? If you wanted to watch, why didn't you come inside and get a proper look?”
We argued and argued.
Somewhere along the way, our clothes disappeared.
And the argument moved to the bed.
The pain made my whole body tense.
Shen Bai made a quiet sound, astonishment all over his face.
“Bastard! Can't you be gentler?”
“You—”
After that, he became so gentle that he seemed nothing like the beast who'd looked ready to devour me a moment before.
But once I'd adjusted, he lost all restraint again.
At one point, I seriously wondered whether he was a werewolf.
How else could he be the lofty, pure, untouchable Dr. Shen by day, then turn into a ravenous mad dog at night?
When he wrapped an arm around my waist from behind and pulled me back to him yet again, I exploded.
“Enough! Are you some master of changing faces? Stop being one thing by day and another by night. If you're so capable, give me one apartment in the south of the city and another in the north!”
Shen Bai paused, pulled out, and got off the bed.
Of course. Mention something practical, and off he went.
Hmph. Men.
Something landed on my backside.
I reached for it.
Two property deeds.
I opened them.
One apartment in the south!
One in the north!
Shen Bai came back.
“I'll transfer them to your name tomorrow.”
11
What was this supposed to mean?
Was he going to keep me as his mistress?
“Shen Bai, does your fiancée know you're giving me apartments?”
I deliberately made it sound ugly to provoke him. Surely that would put him off.
He didn't stop moving.
“There is no fiancée.”
After a pause, he added,
“No girlfriend, either.”
“But they—”
“You believe other people, but you won't believe me?”
He turned me around and made me look at him.
“There's something wrong with me. You're the only one I feel anything for.”
…
Was that a confession?
Then why was my heart hammering as though it wanted to leap out of my chest?
We argued all night.
And had sex all night.
We were both exhausted.
Somehow, during the breaks, we still managed to clear up all the misunderstandings.
By dawn, there was nothing left to hide.
Neither of us had quite adjusted to the sudden change in our relationship.
We were as polite as strangers meeting for the first time.
“Would a sandwich be all right for breakfast?”
“Anything's fine. Sorry, could I ask where the hair dryer is?”
“I'll get it for you.”
“Thank you. Sorry to trouble you.”
…
After breakfast, Shen Bai drove me to work first.
As I was getting out, he called me.
“Xu Ke.”
“Yes?”
“Are you free tonight? My department is having a get-together. Come with me?”
“All right.”
God, how had this happened?
The entire day felt unreal.
If my body hadn't kept reminding me, I might have thought it was all a dream.
Shen Bai and me?
Boyfriend and girlfriend?
I covered my mouth and laughed so hard tears squeezed out of the corners of my eyes.
I called Jiang Huainian to apologize. For the sake of the 88.88-yuan apology gift I'd sent him, he forgave me in under a second and thoughtfully wished Shen Bai and me lasting happiness.
The sight of money really lit up his eyes.
Just like mine.
At five, I got off work and went home to ransack my wardrobe.
Why was there never anything to wear when it mattered?
I finally chose a pale yellow dress that conveniently covered the marks on my body.
Things were a little awkward in Shen Bai's car.
We'd always bickered before.
Surely we shouldn't start arguing on our first day together?
I pretended to be busy, looking down at my messages.
Suddenly, he braked and pulled over.
“What is it?”
He leaned across the center console toward me, glancing at my phone.
I had plenty of friends on TikTok who shared food recommendations.
Whenever somewhere good opened in our city, I knew immediately.
[Wow! Thanks for sharing. That looks delicious! Let's get a group together and try it sometime.]
[Sorry I didn't reply last night. Where are you eating today?]
[Mango flavor is still more refreshing, isn't it?]
…
Shen Bai frowned at the screen.
“Delete them.”
“What? No! That's my freedom. Even if you're my boyfriend, you have no right to interfere with it.”
“Two thousand for each one.”
I deleted them all at once.
A moment's delay would have been disrespectful to the renminbi.
S.: [You have received a transfer of 34,000.00.]
Holy shit.
Who would have thought a monkey like me could acquire apartments and savings in a single day?
I licked my lips and quietly suggested,
“Um… I could delete the ones on WeChat, QQ, and Xiaohongshu too.”
Shen Bai started the car again.
“Tell me how many when you're done.”
My fingers flew across the screen.
“I'm not doing this for money, Shen Bai. I simply don't want any of it to affect our relationship.”
12
He said nothing.
The corners of his mouth lifted, fond and a little helpless.
The moment he led me into the gathering, I became the center of attention.
I recognized the young nurses from that day among the guests.
They looked distinctly uncomfortable.
Only after Shen Bai glanced their way did they reluctantly come over, their voices barely above a mosquito's buzz.
“We're sorry. We didn't know you were Dr. Shen's girlfriend. We thought you were like those other women who won't leave him alone. That's why we deliberately said those things.”
“The deputy director's daughter isn't involved with him. She confessed to him once, but he turned her down.”
“We… we were only playing a little joke.”
They each drank three glasses as an apology.
Only then did I understand why he'd brought me.
Warmth rose in my chest, mingled with an ache.
That night, naturally, he took me home with him again.
While he was washing up, memories of the night before left me blushing, my heart racing.
I rummaged around to distract myself.
“Shen Bai, can I use your computer to get a file?”
“Go ahead.”
I turned it on and was about to log into my email.
Then I noticed the default email account.
It was the very account I'd used to email Shen Bai all those years ago.
There were no unread messages in the inbox.
But the number of sent messages was astonishing.
Something made me click.
I don't know how much time passed.
“What are you looking at?”
He'd finished his shower without my noticing and now stood behind me.
He glanced at the screen.
“I continued the novel. I sent a chapter to that email account of yours every day. They all bounced back.”
“Shen Bai, you…”
“Now that you've seen this, do you regret liking me? Being with me? I'm not some pure, distant moon. I draw my nourishment from the mud.”
I heard the self-loathing in his voice, and my heart gave a painful twist.
Turning, I threw my arms around him.
“How could I? I'm thrilled! We're two of a kind. A match made in heaven!”
All his life, Shen Bai had been held to exacting standards, made to live within strict boundaries.
He was the child everyone else's parents held up as an example. The model student. The idol everyone admired.
But he was human too.
Who didn't have desires? A few strange little tastes they couldn't tell anyone about?
“Shen Bai, I liked who you were back then.”
“But I like who you are now even more.”
He wrapped his arms around my waist, lifted me, and fell onto the bed with me. With every movement, he seemed to want to make me part of him, down to his very bones.
The sense of unreality that had followed me all day finally became something I could grasp.
I whispered in his ear,
“Let's write the bonus chapter together.”