Chapter 9 A Thousand Miles Away

Over the years, his affection for Dalang and me had indeed been sincere.

But only to a point.

My heart ached, yet I did not cry.

“That is how life goes,” I said softly.

“In Nanshan, I’ll take good care of Dalang.”

His face darkened. In his eyes was a hurt so faint it was almost hidden.

“You’ll look after Dalang. Have you forgotten me?”

“It isn’t that I’ve forgotten.”

I shook my head.

“But you won’t be left with only me, will you?

“You’re about to take a concubine.

“A gentle, understanding daughter of a second-rank official.”

The candle flame stirred.

For a while, neither of us spoke.

At last, he reached slowly toward my sleeve.

His hand stopped between us, then withdrew.

“I know I can’t persuade you.”

His voice deepened.

“You’ll leave in three days. The journey is dangerous.

“I’ve told the ten guards that they must protect you and Dalang.

“The house in Nanshan is ready.

“Your monthly money and supplies will arrive on time.

“Remember this.

“Whatever happens, Dalang’s roots will always be in the House of Zhenbei.

“If life in Nanshan becomes too difficult, don’t force yourself to endure it.

“Write to me, and I’ll bring you both home.”

I bowed slightly.

“Thank you.”

Watching me, he added softly, “Dalang is clever and proud.

“It’s good for him to study with the Grand Tutor, but you must guide him carefully.

“Don’t let him grow resentful because he’s far from the capital.”

“I will.”

He stood there a little longer.

It seemed there was still so much he wanted to say. In the end, he swallowed it all.

“It’s late. Get some rest.

“You still have packing to do tomorrow.”

Then he turned and walked slowly out.

Moonlight fell across his back. He looked very lonely.

I stayed where I was, looking after him for a long time.

Seven years of marriage.

All our years as childhood sweethearts.

A line had been drawn through them.

After he left, Qinghe came in.

Seeing how alone I looked, she spoke gently.

“My lady, it’s late. You should rest.”

I nodded, dazed.

“Tomorrow, we leave the capital.”

At first light, the household was already noisy with activity.

Dalang had risen early and dressed neatly. His face was full of anticipation.

Everyone in the household came to see us off.

My mother-in-law gave us a long list of cautions for the journey.

The marquis came especially to remind Dalang to study hard.

My parents’ household sent trunks of provisions, as well as clothes my mother had sewn herself.

Grand Tutor He’s party was waiting outside the city.

Their carriages stretched in a long line, surrounded by guards, servants, and the children of distinguished families going with him to study.

I took Dalang’s hand and climbed into our carriage.

Lifting the curtain, I looked at the capital one last time.

The imposing walls. The deep-red palace. Smoke rising from countless homes.

This splendid city had buried the dreams of my girlhood and confined my life.

Now, at last, I was leaving.

“Mother, are we setting off?”

Dalang looked up at me.

I stroked his head and smiled gently.

“Yes.

“We’re going.

“To Nanshan.”

The driver flicked his whip.

The wheels began to turn, carrying us slowly out through the gates.

Behind us, the capital grew more distant until it disappeared.

Ahead stretched a long road.

The carriage jolted.

A month’s journey awaited my son and me.

* * *

Three years passed in what seemed a moment.

As I had expected, the monthly allowance from the House of Zhenbei was cut off.

At first, it was one month late, then two.

After that, there was nothing at all.

I had long seen it coming.

The concubine my husband had taken, the daughter of the second-rank official, was named Guo Yinuo.

She was beautiful, clever, and quick-witted. He favored her greatly.

My mother-in-law was growing old. The loss of two sons had dealt her a heavy blow, and she had long lacked the strength, in body or mind, to manage so large a household.

At first, Guo Yinuo merely helped her with small matters.

Gradually, everything, great and small, passed into her hands.

Her position within the household grew stronger by the day.

With control over the women’s quarters, she would hardly be content to let Dalang and me live peacefully in Nanshan on the family’s money.

Cutting our allowance was only the first step.

Her reach had begun to extend a thousand miles south.

In recent days, several small pieces of news had come to me.

First, unfamiliar merchants had used deliveries as a pretext to inquire into our lives.

Then students at the academy had begun making veiled inquiries about Dalang’s words and conduct.

All the signs pointed to Guo Yinuo.

I sat in the reception room, tapping a finger gently against the table.

Qinghe stood beside me, grave.

“My lady, they’ve cut our supplies, and now they’re prying everywhere.

“It seems Lady Guo is determined to make trouble for us.”

I looked up.

“Qinghe, when Dalang comes home, ask him to come here.”