Chapter 18 A Life of His Own

“I will take on the burden of the marquis’s household.

“Your life must be whole.”

At last, a trace of alarm appeared in Dalang’s eyes.

He took half a step toward me.

“Mother, you needn’t do that.

“I can always protect you…”

“You’ve protected me for so many years.

“That is enough.”

I raised my hand and gently smoothed the brow of my grown son.

There was relief in my eyes, and peace.

“Dalang, why don’t you want to marry?”

He was silent.

“Can’t you tell me?”

“I’m afraid of betraying the woman I love.”

“Silly boy.

“You and your father are not the same.

“He has his responsibilities.

“But you can make your own decisions.”

“Even if she was once a courtesan who took no lovers?”

“Dalang, you…”

I was startled.

“Don’t worry, Mother. I’m only joking.”

“It’s all right.

“I was just surprised to hear it so suddenly.

“Who is she?”

“Mother, there’s no one. It was only a joke.”

“Dalang, I know you.

“If there really were no such woman, you would never have said that.”

“Fang Shiyue.”

“Her?

“The girl who was exiled years ago?”

Dalang looked at me in silence.

His eyes darkened.

For a long time, he did not speak.

The Fang family had lived not far from the marquis’s residence.

Dalang and Fang Shiyue could be called childhood sweethearts too.

Seven years earlier, while Dalang and I were still in Nanshan, the Fang family had been sent into exile.

I lowered my voice.

“You’ve found her?”

“Yes.”

“Have you bought her freedom?”

His throat moved.

He said softly, “She won’t agree.”

I smiled a little, relief in my eyes.

“You needn’t be afraid.

“I’ll help you.”

Dalang remained silent for a long while.

At last, he bowed his head slightly.

“Thank you, Mother.

“I’ll leave everything to you.”

My heart grew lighter.

At last, the stone that had weighed on it for so many years was set down.

For half my life, I had hidden.

For half my life, I had run from the things I did not want to face.

For half my life, I had relied on my son.

From now on—

It was time I helped him too.

A few months later, news of victory came from the frontier.

My husband had distinguished himself in battle. He returned to court in triumph and inherited the title of Marquis of Zhenbei.

I packed a few belongings and said farewell to the quiet residence where I had lived for three years.

Dalang escorted me to the gates of the marquis’s household himself.

The grand vermilion gates.

Just as they had been years ago.

He stood below the steps, straight and tall in his blue robe, and spoke gently.

“Mother, while you’re here, do whatever feels right to you.

“You needn’t put up with mistreatment.

“I’ll be here for anything you need.”

I turned to look at him.

My eyes were tender.

“Take care of the wedding preparations.

“Establish your own family soon.

“That is the best way to honor your mother.”

He nodded solemnly.

I turned.

And stepped through the vermilion gates of the marquis’s residence, where I had not lived for three years.