Chapter 1 A Road of Our Own

I had been transported into an ancient dynasty that had never existed in history.

How was someone as unremarkable as I was—in both talent and ability—to survive in a world that devoured the weak? The question had never quite left me.

Fortunately, my father was a great general at court, my mother his lawful wife, and I their legitimate daughter.

I had grown up with the heir to the Marquis of Zhenbei. We were childhood sweethearts, the sort people spoke of with envy, and we had loved each other deeply.

Seven years into our marriage, we had a son named Dalang. He was six now.

I had thought the rest of my life would pass just as peacefully.

Then, for the third time, my husband brought up taking a concubine.

The first two times, I had refused outright.

I knew there was little room left for negotiation. If I rejected him as firmly as before, it would amount to an open breach. That would do neither his family nor mine any good, and certainly none to me.

But if I agreed…

Beneath this body, I was still a woman from the modern world. How could I calmly share my husband with someone else?

Again and again, I considered how to get out. How could I break this impasse?

Divorce?

My heart lurched the moment the thought came to me.

This was a world where men ruled and women were beneath them. Life after divorce would be terribly difficult. I did not dare attempt to support myself alone.

First, I went back to my parents’ house to sound them out.

My sister-in-law, six months pregnant, came out to welcome me as soon as she heard I had arrived.

We sat talking about family matters. Without betraying my purpose, I gradually steered the conversation toward a neighbor who had recently divorced and returned to her parents.

My sister-in-law sighed.

“What a pity. She’s still so young. Not even half a month after she came home, her family promised her to Lord Zhou, the Vice Minister of Rites, as his second wife.”

My fingers tightened. A chill ran through me.

Yes. What a pity.

Lord Zhou was old enough to be that woman’s father.

Even a daughter of a respectable official’s family could expect no better after divorce. Why should I be an exception?

By the time I returned to the Zhenbei residence, I had made my decision.

Divorce was not an option.

When I yielded and agreed to let my husband take a concubine, he could not hide his pleasure. He assured me over and over that I would always be mistress of the household. The newcomer would never be allowed to overstep.

I listened, wearing the mild smile expected of me. Inside, I was utterly still.

Before our wedding, he had made solemn vows. Afterward, his promises had been tender.

Did he remember any of them now?

Then, almost in passing, he mentioned something happening at court.

“Grand Tutor He has requested permission to retire and return home. He plans to become head of Nanshan Academy. It’s a pity Nanshan is so far from the capital. Otherwise, I’d very much like Dalang to study under him.”

My heart gave a sudden leap.

Far away.

The words circled in my mind.

Feigning casual interest, I asked, “How far?”

“A full month by carriage.”

A month on the road. A thousand miles away.

A bold idea began to take shape.

What if I took Dalang to Nanshan Academy?

There would be no need for divorce. I would remain the wife whom the House of Zhenbei had formally married to its heir.

My own family would still stand behind me. My position in his household would still protect me.

* * *

And, most of all, I could go far away. I would not have to watch him with his new concubine every day.

I was no great strategist. All I could do was make my arrangements, awkwardly, one step at a time.

I sent for Dalang to come to my courtyard.

Looking at his delicate face and clear brows, I softened my voice.

“Dalang, did you know Grand Tutor He will be going to Nanshan Academy? Would you like to study with him?”

He looked up, his eyes bright and puzzled.

“Why do you ask, Mother?”

“He used to teach the emperor. He’s a very learned man. Having him teach you himself would be a wonderful opportunity.”

Dalang pressed his lips together, considering it seriously.

“But I’ve never met him. I don’t know whether he’s as old-fashioned as people say.”

I smiled.

“Then in a few days, I’ll take you to visit him. You can meet him for yourself. If you like him, we’ll go to Nanshan. If you don’t, we’ll say no more about it. I won’t make you go.”

Leaving this house was my wish.

But I would not force it on my son. What he wanted had to come first.

Dalang nodded. “All right.”

I had a visiting card prepared and sent to the Grand Tutor’s residence. On the appointed day, I took Dalang there.

We first met the Grand Tutor’s eldest granddaughter-in-law, Qian Sansan. As it happened, she was my sister-in-law’s cousin on her mother’s side.

I took her hand and told her plainly why we had come.

“I want to find Dalang a good teacher. Grand Tutor He would be the best possible choice. I’ve brought Dalang to meet him.”

She looked surprised.

“But the academy we’re going to is in Nanhu, eight hundred li from the capital. It’s a very long journey.”

“That’s all right. If Dalang studies there, I’ll go with him and look after him.”

She studied me for a long moment, then nodded without trying to dissuade me.

“If you’ve thought it through, of course I have no objection.”

Turning to the maid beside her, she said, “Xiaoyan, take the young gentleman to see Grandfather.”

I waited quietly in the reception room, unable to settle.

Only when Dalang returned, and we were in the carriage on our way home, did I ask, “How did you like Grand Tutor He?”

He nodded vigorously, his eyes shining.

“Mother, I want to study at Nanshan Academy.”

“Really?”

I was so happy I could barely keep my voice down.

“Yes. He’s very interesting. He isn’t at all like the fusty old scholar people say he is.”

I considered for a moment. I did not want to hide what this choice might cost him.

“Dalang, you must understand something. If we go to Nanshan, you and your father may grow apart. When he inherits the marquisate, you may no longer be the one chosen to succeed him.”

My six-year-old son sat up straight. His face was resolute.

“That’s all right. I can make my own future. I don’t need to depend on inheriting Father’s position.”

Something in me melted. My nose stung.

I reached out and gathered him into my arms.

“Thank you, Dalang.”

I would not have to compete for my husband’s favor, or remain confined to the small world of the women’s quarters. I would not have to torment myself clinging to the dream of one man and one woman for life.

I had found a path for myself, and for my son.

Nanshan lay a thousand miles away.

There, the two of us would have a new world.

* * *

It was dark by the time we returned.

Lamps were being lit before the red-lacquered gates. Glass lanterns hanging beneath the covered walkways illuminated the servants passing to and fro, a quiet display of the household’s wealth and standing.

I had lived here for seven years.

Once, it had seemed safe and peaceful. Now every crossbeam, every carved eave, felt like part of a beautiful net.

I took Dalang back to my courtyard and told his nurse to look after him. Then I went alone to my husband’s outer study.

A servant announced me, and I was admitted almost at once.

My husband was seated at his desk reading an official document. At the sound of my steps, he looked up with a gentle smile.

“You’re back. I heard you took Dalang to the Grand Tutor’s house. Did everything go well?”

I dismissed the attendants before taking the chair opposite him.

“Very well.”

I sat straight, my fingers closing around my sleeve.

I had rehearsed these words all the way home. Now I spoke them slowly, one by one.

“Dalang met Grand Tutor He. He likes him very much and wants to become his pupil and go with him to Nanshan Academy.”

My husband looked pleased at first. Then his brows drew together.

“Nanshan Academy? It’s a month’s journey from the capital. That’s much too far. Dalang is only six. He’s too young for such a difficult journey. Besides, the Grand Tutor’s retirement hasn’t been settled yet. We don’t even know when he’ll leave—”

“I’ll go with him.”

I met his eyes and interrupted him.

The smile faded from his face.

“You’ll go too?”

He put down the document and leaned toward me, disbelief in his eyes.

“Our household is here, in the capital. You’re my wife. How could you go so far south? Absolutely not. Studying is a good thing, but we can find Dalang another teacher here. He doesn’t need to go to Nanshan.”

There it was. The objection I had expected.

Still calm, I laid out my reasons.

“There are many good teachers in the capital, but none can match Grand Tutor He in learning or reputation. Studying with the emperor’s own teacher is an extraordinary opportunity. Once it’s gone, Dalang won’t get it again.

“And as his mother, I can’t let him go so far away alone. Of course I must go with him to look after him.

“The steward and the senior servants can manage matters here. Your mother will still be in the house. Nothing will fall into disorder.”

“Besides, once you bring someone new into the household, there will be another person to look after you and help with affairs here.”

For a moment, he said nothing. His gaze darkened.

“You’re doing this deliberately, aren’t you?”

I did not look away. I only sighed.

“Why would you say that? Dalang is my own son. I’m thinking of his future.”

“Only Dalang?”

He gave a small smile that did not reach his eyes.

“It’s the concubine. You don’t want to see me bring another woman home, so you’re running away to Nanshan. Isn’t that it?”

Caught out in a single sentence, I neither panicked nor denied it.

“I am your lawful wife. Dalang is your legitimate eldest son. I won’t seek a divorce, or damage the family’s reputation, or let him be spoken of as a fatherless child. I only want to take him away to study for a few years. We aren’t leaving forever.”

“A few years?”

His voice rose.

“My wife, living a thousand miles from the capital for years? What will the noble families here say? People will think I’ve mistreated you and driven you away. What becomes of the House of Zhenbei’s honor then?”