Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Hanzhu clutched her skirt and shook her head.

“I wasn't! I... I only feel that my sister has suffered a great deal in my place.”

The turmoil within me subsided into still, lifeless water.

It was as though another version of me stood on the opposite bank, watching the fire. She clapped her hands and laughed.

Look. This is the home you've been dreaming of returning to.

A family that seemed so loving could fall apart this easily when its own interests were at stake.

Dog eat dog. They were tearing into one another now.

6

At last, the Emperor tired of listening. He waved a hand and ordered the prince's family to remain in the capital for the time being.

That night, the Empress Dowager suddenly fell ill.

She was old, and she had become so angry on my behalf in the Hall of Supreme Harmony that the strain had left her bedridden.

I had no thoughts left for the prince's household. I stayed by her day and night, scarcely changing my clothes.

But she did not improve.

Father and the others came several more times. A screen separated us.

In the end, he still chose Hanzhu.

“Yinshuang has always been sensible,” he told the Empress Dowager hesitantly. “She has spent years at Your Majesty's side. I care for her too. Another day, I will ask His Majesty to grant her a title.”

Ill and exhausted, the Empress Dowager answered coldly.

“Do not come here again. And do not appear before Yinshuang to upset her.”

Father bowed his head. Before leaving, he paused and looked at me one last time.

Then he turned away.

That night, the Empress Dowager grew worse.

It was bitterly cold. I dozed beside her bed, then woke with a start, dreaming that I had stepped into empty space.

She was awake. I did not know how long she had been watching me. She was draping a robe over my shoulders.

She coughed softly.

“Why are you sleeping there? You'll catch cold.”

Even the candlelight could not warm her pale face.

For some reason, my heart trembled. It felt as though something precious was slowly being taken from me.

I pressed my forehead into her palm.

“Please get well soon. I won't go anywhere. I'll stay with you all my life.”

She laughed helplessly and drew me up to lie beside her.

“What are you saying? Why should a young girl spend her whole life tied to an old woman like me?”

She rallied her strength.

“If you cannot go back to the prince's household, then don't. You needn't go back.”

She told me about my biological family.

Their surname was Xu. They were merchants, with an older son and a younger daughter.

Before Hanzhu was taken back to the prince's household, she had been the Xu family's treasure. Anything she wanted, if they could give it to her, they did. If she looked at something twice, it would be on her table the next morning.

But in the two years since she had returned to the Qins, she had never visited the Xu family. When they came to see her, the prince's household scolded them and sent them away.

And I, their biological daughter, was far off in the capital, shut away in the palace, unable to meet them.

Last year, my father and mother had died, one after the other.

Only their son remained to support the family.

At the news of their deaths, an empty sense of loss settled inside me.

“Is my elder brother well?” I could not help asking.

By blood, this brother I had never met was my only family left in the world.

The Empress Dowager smiled and touched my forehead.

“He manages the household very well. Everything is in order. He moved to Yangzhou after all this happened.”

I let out a relieved breath.

Perhaps the Xu family and I were simply not meant to meet. Yangzhou was a long way from the capital. Perhaps I would never see my brother in this lifetime.

But as long as he was well, I could rest easy.

That night, I slept soundly. The Zhenjiang home I could never reach was gone from my dreams.

There was only soft, peaceful moonlight.

The Prince of Pingnan stayed in the capital for almost two months. When his family asked permission to leave, the Emperor summoned me.

This meeting had none of the tension of the last. It felt like a fire burned out, leaving only cold, silent ashes.

Father bowed before His Majesty without hesitation.

“Your Majesty, let Yinshuang remain with the Empress Dowager. Hanzhu is young and knows little of the world. She cannot bear the responsibilities of a princess.”

Hanzhu and Ruoheng stood behind him. After the quarrel in the hall, they no longer seemed as close as before.

“Qin Yinshuang.”

I turned my head. Ruoheng had come to my side without my noticing.

7

He looked awkward, as though he had much to say. But in the end, his expression remained cold.

“I don't remember anything from before I was one, but Father says you saved me.

“When you're here in the capital, don't keep resenting Hanzhu or thinking of revenge. Live your own life properly. Otherwise, I won't acknowledge you as my eldest sister anymore.”

I looked at him in silence.