Chapter 3
Edward Quan ·
The sun went down.
They still weren't home.
Eldest Senior Brother started to worry.
“Could something have happened?”
Third Senior Brother was unconcerned.
“With her personality? What could possibly happen to her?”
“Don't forget, she's the darling of the entire multiverse.”
He glanced at me.
“Relax. I've already checked her fortune. She's safe.”
He'd barely finished when I said, “Could you check Second Senior Sister's—”
I stopped.
Hey! No fair answering before I asked!
He gave a wicked chuckle.
“You'll get a good show in a moment.”
Before I could work out what he meant, a portal of light appeared in the clearing.
Second Senior Sister stepped through.
Eldest Senior Brother and I rushed over to check on her.
Not a hair out of place.
She just looked exhausted.
“Tired? Let's eat first.”
Eldest Senior Brother sat us all down.
We soon demolished the feast.
I'd just let out a satisfied burp when a serious problem occurred to me.
“Wait. Aren't we missing someone?”
“Where's Su Wanning?”
All three of us looked at Second Senior Sister.
She slapped her forehead.
“I'm so tired I nearly forgot. There's still someone in my pocket.”
She pulled out a crumpled ball of paper.
“Senior Sister, you nearly suffocated me!”
I jumped.
“A ghost! Talking paper!”
Two arms poked out of the ball and smoothed its body flat.
“You're the ghost! Take a good look at me!”
I summoned the courage to go closer.
And stared.
“Su Wanning, your arm's healed?”
“Wait… why are you made of paper?”
Second Senior Sister explained, “We went to Doraemon's house. It's a two-dimensional world, so Su Wanning could only exist there as a paper person.”
“Can't she change back?” Eldest Senior Brother asked curiously.
Second Senior Sister fell silent.
“She could have.”
“After they cured her arm, she said the doctor was a mortal and had no right to touch her.”
“She not only hit him, she threatened to cut off the hand he'd touched her with.”
I clutched my head.
She'd swallowed that cultivator-supremacy nonsense whole.
That world might look harmless—
but its people could build time machines, Anywhere Doors, and all sorts of gadgets.
In a real fight, I wasn't sure even immortals could stand up to them.
Second Senior Sister continued, “They called the police. Su Wanning was wanted across the entire world.”
“Luckily, I thought fast and smuggled her out disguised as scrap paper.”
“But without the proper exit paperwork, she can't change back.”
Su Wanning panicked.
“What am I supposed to do? Stay paper forever?”
Her voice shook with agitation.
Then her stomach rumbled.
Eldest Senior Brother looked awkwardly at the table we'd stripped bare.
Suddenly, he spotted half the little fish.
“Have this to tide you over.”
She looked disdainful, but ate it anyway.
Her body began returning to normal.
“I'm cured!”
The joy lasted only a few seconds.
Then she turned back into paper.
“The fish must have been too small!”
“If I eat a few more…”
“Wait. Where did it come from?”
Eldest Senior Brother timidly raised a hand.
“I caught it.”
Her eyes lit up.
Like a drowning woman clutching at a straw, she begged softly, “Could you catch another just like it, Senior Brother?”
His gaze wandered.
“I… probably could…”
She immediately piled on the flattery.
“Your fishing skills are famous throughout the world.”
“Forget a little fish. You could fish the stars out of the sky!”
He positively blossomed.
“Of course, of course! Today I'll show you what the world's Number One Fishing Immortal can do!”
He picked her up and went back to his room to collect all his fishing gear.
The atmosphere turned decidedly strange.
After a long silence, I spoke first.
“Um… does anyone remember the last time he caught a fish?”
Third Senior Brother calculated on his fingers.
His expression was very odd.
“The last time?”
“He can only catch one fish in his entire life!”
Honestly, I wasn't surprised.
I'd known Eldest Senior Brother for twenty years.
And that really was the only fish I'd ever seen him catch.
I had no idea what unholy curse afflicted the fishing community.
Even someone as powerful as him could catch absolutely anything—
except fish.
If Su Wanning was relying on him to catch her a cure, she'd be better off jumping in and grabbing a couple herself.
I could practically see the future.
Just then, Second Senior Sister poked me.
She placed a pocket in my palm.
“Little Shu, twenty years ago, you told me your childhood dream was to have Doraemon's magic pocket.”
My eyes stung.
“You're too good to me, Senior Sister.”
She stroked my head.
“Because you're our little junior sister.”
“Who else would I be good to?”
It was late.
We all went back to our rooms.
First thing the next morning, I opened my new toy.
I reached into the pocket and pulled out an Anywhere Door.
Opened it.
And heard running water on the other side.
I looked toward the sound.
Eldest Senior Brother was concentrating on his fishing.
Where was Su Wanning?
I searched for quite a while before finding her on a slab of bluestone.
And got a fright.
“It's only been one night. How have you grown moss already?”
She glared at me.
“What's it to you?”
Then she asked wearily, “Senior Brother, when are we going to catch a fish?”
He gave an awkward laugh.
“Soon, soon.”
“Based on my experience, we'll definitely get one today!”
He sounded absolutely certain.
Su Wanning wasn't convinced.
“Why don't you let me try?”
Reluctantly, he handed over the rod.
Within minutes of her taking it, the float began jerking violently.
Eldest Senior Brother went wild with excitement.
“Reel it in!”
“Come on!”
“There's a monster down there!”
Since nobody would play with me, I pouted and went back to the sect.
In the clearing, I tried out gadget after gadget.
Take-copter. Air Cannon. Shrink Ray…
I lost all track of time.
At noon, Eldest Senior Brother appeared at the dining table right on schedule.
This time I remembered to count heads.
“Where's Su Wanning?”
He calmly picked up some food.
“Still fighting that big fish.”
“Oh.”
Two more days passed.
Still no Su Wanning.
Everyone realized something was wrong.
“Eldest Senior Brother, it's been two days. Is she still fighting?”
He nodded as though that were perfectly reasonable.
“Yes.”
“The fish pulled her underwater two days ago.”
“I've seen this plenty of times. She just needs to tire it out.”
I fell silent.
Several seconds passed before I managed, “Senior Brother…”
“Did it ever occur to you to help her pull on the rod?”
He looked very serious.
“I'm an experienced angler. I'd never steal someone else's catch.”
“But she's made of paper! How is she supposed to wrestle a giant fish?”
He froze.
“I'll go find her!”
Third Senior Brother immediately chimed in.
“You're only going now? After two days?”
“You do realize paper falls apart in water?”
Luckily, the big fish didn't eat paper.
We found Su Wanning on the riverbed.
Only…
She was in separate pieces.
It took a great deal of effort to tape the terrified Su Wanning back together.
After that, she completely broke down.
She kept muttering, “Why won't they treat me with genuine kindness?”
“How did I end up like this?”
Feeling a little sorry for her, I offered to share my Coke.
“Have some happy juice.”
“It'll cheer you up.”
She knocked the can to the ground and glared viciously at me.
“Don't you know I can't get wet?”
The more she spoke, the more worked up she became.
“You're deliberately mocking me for being paper!”
“Why do you get to have such an easy life?!”
Suddenly, she grabbed a pair of scissors and stabbed herself.
“Nothing has gone right since I met you. You must be my jinx!”
“I have to get rid of you. Then I'll win their hearts!”
She shoved a pill into my arms.
“I've checked everything. Third Senior Brother has gone to a parallel universe for revenge. Nobody will know what happened here!”
“A useless idiot who hasn't reached Foundation Establishment in twenty years steals a Foundation Establishment Pill. Makes sense, doesn't it?”
Apparently, that still wasn't enough.
She snapped Eldest Senior Brother's fishing rod and smashed Third Senior Brother's Eight Trigrams board.
She even set fire to a gift one of Second Senior Sister's friends had given her.
I could only stare.
Su Wanning smiled triumphantly.
Then she let out a miserable scream.
“Senior Brother! Senior Sister! Help!”
“Ye Wangshu is trying to kill me!”
Eldest Senior Brother and Second Senior Sister came running.
Su Wanning trembled and hid behind them.
“It's all my fault. I shouldn't have taken out my Foundation Establishment Pill in front of her.”
“She not only stole it, she tried to frame me!”
She deliberately showed them the tear the scissors had made.
“It hurts so much…”
Their voices grew cold.
“What do you want us to do?”
She made a show of generosity.
“I'm not as vicious as Ye Wangshu.”
“I think expelling her from the sect will be enough.”
They nodded.
“All right.”
Overjoyed, she came over and looked down at me.
“You heard them. Get out!”
A second later, Eldest Senior Brother kicked Su Wanning straight out of the sect.
“You really thought we couldn't see through your little performance?”
“Get out! You're not welcome here!”
She staggered to a stop and knelt outside the gate, eyes brimming.
“It doesn't matter if I'm wronged.”
“But you mustn't let Ye Wangshu deceive you, Senior Brother!”
When she showed no sign of giving up, I decided to be brave.
After a great deal of mental preparation, I finally spoke.
“You say I stole your Foundation Establishment Pill and framed you?”
She snorted.
“That's right!”
“You've been stuck at Qi Refining so long you'll try any crooked method—”
A single movement from me stopped her short.
Her eyes filled with disbelief.