Chapter 5

The next day, when Zheng came to inspect the handover, he asked me directly whether anyone had forced me and whether I wished to state any objections.

I invited him to sit and put their property-division list on the table.

"Everyone who pressured me to hand it over is on this list. Now that they aren't the recipients, they call me mad."

After reading it, he simply had the clerk record my answer and continued according to the approved schedule.

Fifth Aunt sat beside us and dared say nothing more.

The clan elder stood surety for Chu Xing. The Capital Prefecture allowed him home pending investigation. He had to appear whenever summoned and could not leave the capital without permission.

He'd grown noticeably thinner by the day he returned. He came straight to me.

"Mother, I know I was wrong."

I was checking the North Estate tenants' leases and didn't stop writing.

After waiting a while, he couldn't help asking,

"Could you look at me first?"

I raised my head.

He wore the long robe I'd made for him the year before. His rolled sleeves were rumpled and his collar dirty.

Once, if he'd so much as scraped himself while out, I'd have someone take ointment to his bedside.

Now, standing before me, the first thing I still noticed was the injury on the back of his hand.

I dug my nails into my palm.

"Speak."

"Chu Chu deceived me. She had another man in Yangzhou, but said she'd been forced by circumstances. I only pitied her…"

"I asked what you did wrong."

He froze.

I waited.

Wind came through the window and lifted a corner of the ledger page.

At last, he said quietly,

"I shouldn't have hurt you."

I set down the brush.

"The shop money."

His aggrieved expression stiffened.

"The authorization."

"The warehouse."

With each item, he retreated half a step.

"You remember hurting my feelings. Yet somehow, you keep forgetting what you took."

His eyes reddened.

"I'll repay the silver. But my succession to the title is coming up. Go to the authorities first and say the family won't pursue it…"

I suddenly understood. All the apologies he'd rehearsed on the way were only a prelude to that last request.

"I cover it up for you now, and whether you repay me later is yours to decide?"

He grew frantic.

"I'm your only son!"

"That's why I let you take from me again and again."

I closed the disbursement ledger and pushed it toward him.

"Not this time."

8

After he left, I sat in my chair for a long time.

Chunxiu changed the tea. Seeing the blood where I'd dug my nails into my palm, she hurried to fetch medicine.

Only after she left did I take the old padded jacket out of the chest.

I didn't tear it.

I didn't burn it.

I packed it neatly into a small bundle with his letters from over the years.

I'd given birth to him. I'd loved him.

Those things were true.

He was deceiving me now.

That was true too.

The first truth couldn't make the second cease to matter.

A few days later, Xu Cheng brought the reconciliation documents the authorities permitted me to see.

The two thousand taels on deposit had been frozen. There was also news from Yangzhou: Zhou Wanshan, the owner of the separate residence where Chu Chu had stayed, had been found aboard a boat returning to his hometown.

A salt merchant.

At first, he'd only admitted knowing her and refused to come to the capital.

Until the runners produced a letter she'd sent to his household.

In it, she wrote that she wanted to give "our child" a place in a marquis's family.

The case continued into early autumn. The Capital Prefecture summoned me to the hearing.

Across half the room, I saw Zhou Wanshan.

He'd never met me, but recognized Chu Chu.

The moment he entered, he called,

"Ah Chu."

Chu Xing whipped around and stared at him.

Zhou shrank back and dared not call again.

The judicial officer questioned him about the letter. At first, he tried to evade the issue. Only when the clerk read to its end did he lower his head and admit that Chu Chu had lived in his separate residence and they had been involved.

"The child is mine."

Chu Xing lunged forward. Before he could reach him, the runners pinned him down.

"Say that again!"

Zhou looked miserable.

"She was pregnant before she entered Zhuyu House. My family wouldn't accept her. That's why she was sent away."

The judicial officer turned to Chu Chu.

She kept her mouth shut tightly. After a while, she suddenly laughed.

"It is his. Didn't you say you loved me? What's wrong with raising a child for me?"

Chu Xing looked as though he'd been struck from behind. He no longer had the strength to struggle.

She stared at him with hatred.

"You said that once I entered the residence, everything would be under your control. And what happened? You couldn't even open a warehouse!"

Sitting beside them, I suddenly found it absurd.

He'd pushed me aside for her.

She resented him for not pushing me far enough.