Chapter 1

Grandmother had made her rule clear: the prettiest child would inherit the Gu family's business.

My unborn half-sister, carried by Concubine Qiao, was already being hailed as a fairy descended from heaven.

When my turn came, the fortune-teller felt around for a long time through my mother's belly, then shook his head.

“Puffy eyelids. Unruly brows. This child will be too ugly to keep. Madam, you should take medicine to end the pregnancy as soon as possible.”

Laughter erupted, loud enough to lift the roof. Concubine Qiao was quick to join in.

“Like mother, like child, Sister. That scar on your face is enough to put anyone off their food. How pretty could your baby possibly be?”

Mother pressed her fingertips to her old scar. She even had to force out an apologetic smile.

Inside her belly, I rolled my eyes.

Me? Ugly?

In my previous life, young gentlemen had nearly broken down a temple door fighting for the prayer cushion beside mine when I went to offer incense.

And every last bit of merit I had earned afterward had gone into beauty points.

So what if the fortune-teller could read bones?

He might be able to predict a mortal's looks. Did he really think he could see the face of an immortal?

1.

The words “ugly child” had barely left the fortune-teller's mouth when Grandmother hurled her teacup at Mother's knees. Scalding tea splashed over her skirt.

“If you hadn't saved Yan all those years ago, do you think a woman with your face would ever have been allowed through the Gu family's doors?”

Mother's shoulders flinched with pain. Even so, she knelt to massage Grandmother's legs and apologized softly.

“It's my fault, Mother. I've upset you.”

The Gu family had traded in cosmetics for generations. From the shop managers to the courtyard maids, everyone was judged on looks as well as ability.

The more Grandmother looked at Mother's bowed, submissive figure, the angrier she became. She kicked her in the shoulder and ordered someone to prepare medicine to induce labor.

“You're his lawful wife, and you can't even give him a decent-looking child. Who is Yan supposed to leave the family business to?”

Mother held her belly tightly and said nothing.

I kicked frantically inside her. I wished I could climb straight out and claw Grandmother's face.

“Just wait, Mother. Once I'm born, I'll protect you. Everyone who's bullied you will pay for it, one debt at a time!”

Mother heard my thoughts. Her hand settled over the spot I had just kicked.

“As long as you're safe, I don't care what you look like.”

The gentler she was, the angrier I became.

Concubine Qiao came over, urging Grandmother to calm down while her eyes shone with eager anticipation.

“If Sister can't bear to give up the child, Mother, please don't force her. I happen to know a beauty remedy.”

She clapped twice.

A tub of moldy, coarse rice paste was carried in. The sour stench immediately made everyone cover their noses.

Concubine Qiao held a handkerchief over her mouth and smiled.

“Coarse rice is nourishing. Drink a tub every day, Sister. Perhaps it will make that ugly child in your belly a little easier on the eyes.”

Grandmother actually nodded. She told the serving women to watch carefully: every mouthful Mother missed would have to be made up.

Two women pinned Mother's shoulders while another forced her chin up, spooning the paste into her mouth with a wooden spoon.

The rancid paste was full of hard husks and black specks. Every swallow made Mother gag.

Afraid that struggling would hurt me, she kept both hands over her belly and let the sludge run from the corners of her mouth.

“Stop drinking it!”

I kicked as hard as I could.

“It's spoiled! It'll hurt you!”

Of course, Mother could not stop.

Concubine Qiao sat beside her sipping hot tea. Every time Mother retched, she told the women to feed her two more spoonfuls.

Eventually, Mother could not even cough. Her eyes closed, and she crumpled to the floor.

Declaring her an ill omen, Grandmother left with her attendants. Concubine Qiao merely had the tub carried away. No one called a doctor.

As the servants dispersed from the main hall, they tipped the remaining half tub of paste into a corner of the covered walkway. No one cared that the Gu family's lawful mistress still lay unconscious on the floor.

Even then, Mother curled around her belly, her palm pressed against it. She would not let go even after losing consciousness.

Her breathing grew weaker. Frantic and afraid, I could only keep kicking, over and over, forcing her to wake.

When she opened her eyes, she did not complain of pain. Her first words were a whispered question: was I all right?

Mother had not been born weak.

This household, where looks were all that mattered, had worn her down until she no longer dared speak up for herself.

But to protect me, she was still willing to risk her life.

She lay on the cold tiles until nightfall.

When she woke again, only one dying lamp remained in the main hall.

Outside, heavy snow covered the stone steps. Bracing herself against the wall, she made her way back to her remote courtyard, stopping after every few steps. Her shoes and stockings were soon soaked.

Her room was scarcely warmer than outside. The brazier was empty; the bedding was cold as stone.

She was shivering too hard to hold a cup. At last she went to ask the maid on night duty for more charcoal.

Leaning against a pillar in the covered walkway, the maid refused, a smile still playing about her lips.

“Concubine Qiao said your room isn't to receive another lump of charcoal this year, Madam. We wouldn't want you getting too comfortable and forgetting the beauty regimen.”

Mother stood in the snow for a long time before she spoke.

“I can bear the cold. But my child can't.”

“The fortune-teller said it's an ugly little thing. If it can't survive, so be it.”

The maid slammed the door hard enough to nearly catch Mother's hand.

Back in her room, Mother piled all her old clothes over herself and kept me in the warmest place beneath them.

Pressed close to her racing heart, I committed it all to memory: tonight's snow, the tub of rotten rice paste, and every laughing face in that courtyard.

2.

Before dawn, someone kicked the door open.

A basin of icy water came down over Mother's head.

She had only just managed to sleep. Cold water ran from her hair into her collar. She started up, and her belly instantly tightened.

Concubine Qiao stood in the doorway in a snow-white fox-fur cloak, unwilling even to wet the tips of her shoes on the room's floor.

“Mother says you're too weak, Sister. You need more exercise, or you won't have the strength to give birth.”

Mother's lips had turned blue. She asked how long she had to walk.

Raising a hand adorned with a warm-jade bracelet, Concubine Qiao casually pointed into the courtyard.

“Ten laps around the garden. Miss one, and you can go without lunch.”

I kicked wildly in fury.

Then, absurdly, a soft laugh sounded nearby.

The child in Concubine Qiao's belly had memories of a previous life too.

She spoke in thoughts that only I could hear.

“Ugly thing. Your mother isn't pretty enough to be a maid. Once I'm born, everything the Gu family owns will be mine.”

Two lifetimes, and this was the first time anyone had hounded me with cries of “ugly”—and from a little bean that had not even been born.

“She's only a concubine, and she's walking all over you! Mother, drag her outside and make her kneel!”

Mother could not hear my half-sister, only me. She rubbed her belly with a bitter smile.

“Your father and grandmother favor her. I can't fight her.”

“And if you don't, will she leave you alone?”

Mother did not answer. A serving woman was already driving her outside with a thin bamboo whip.

The snow rose above her feet. Water kept dripping from her soaked clothes. At every step, her soles seemed to stick to the ice.

The courtyard maids gathered beneath the covered walkway to eat hot chestnuts. Whenever Mother slipped, they laughed even louder.

By the end of the first lap, her hands were too stiff to shield her belly.

By the fifth, her breaths came in broken white clouds, and her vision began to darken.

Every time she passed the main hall, she could see the glowing brazier through the window.

Grandmother sat inside eating breakfast in the warmth. After watching Mother pass twice, she complained that she was too slow and sent someone out to hurry her.

Splinters of ice had cut Mother's soles, leaving faint traces of blood in the snow.

The serving woman noticed. Instead of letting her stop, she covered the marks with fresh snow so they would not offend Grandmother's eyes.

I remembered that woman's voice. I remembered the snow-white fur around Concubine Qiao's collar too.

Through the window, Concubine Qiao ordered the woman, “Don't let her rest. Anyone who wants a hot meal in this household must learn its rules first.”

Still dissatisfied with Mother's pace, she had the woman crack the bamboo whip behind her.

“Faster, Sister. I'm helping you have an easy birth.”

My half-sister's thoughts joined in.

“Run faster! Better yet, fall and die, both of you. Then I'll have no competition as soon as I'm born.”

I had meant to wait until after my birth to settle accounts.

At that, fury went straight to my head.

“You think you're fit to inherit?”

“Worry about that half-formed face of yours. You don't want the midwife taking one look and stuffing you back in.”

My half-sister shrieked.

She declared that in her previous life she had been the capital's greatest beauty, with young gentlemen competing to present her flowers.

I could not be bothered with her anymore. I only urged Mother to stop.

But Mother saw all the people waiting beneath the covered walkway for another laugh, bit her lip, and kept going.

She was afraid that if she fell now, they would call the family's lawful mistress weak and accuse her of disgracing the Gu name.

The ninth lap passed.

Each step left Mother swaying on the verge of collapse. Cold sweat mingled with snowmelt on her forehead.

On the last lap, Concubine Qiao suddenly came out from the walkway, smiling as she offered to help her herself.

Just as Mother reached the steps, Qiao deliberately put her foot in the way of Mother's final step.

Mother had no time to pull back.

Her toe caught, and she pitched forward.

I curled myself into a ball, desperate to take the impact for her.

But her body was still falling toward the frozen ground.

Just before she struck it, a sharp shout rang out at the courtyard gate.

“Stop!”

3.

At the brink of death, a pair of strong arms caught Mother and drew her firmly into an embrace.

Through her belly, I could hear the man's ragged breathing.

Mother looked up, her eyes instantly reddening.

My father had hurried home and immediately moved to protect her. Snow from beyond the city still clung to his cloak.

“Why are you soaked? Who told you to run in the snow?”

Mother had barely parted her lips when Concubine Qiao came over with a hand at her waist, tears falling on cue.

“My lord, don't blame Sister. She refused to follow Mother's instructions and deliberately fell toward my feet.”

She wiped her tears and continued.

“If I hadn't moved quickly, she might have hurt our child.”