Chapter 10

“I’ve lived in this palace for sixteen years. I’ve endured its worst days. Now I have some ability. It’s time to fight for myself. Don’t worry. I promise I’ll come back alive.”

Looking at him, my nose stung.

He had grown up, faster than I could imagine.

He was no longer the little boy shivering in the snow.

He had his own judgment, his own road.

I couldn’t stop him. Nor could I have, even if I tried.

“All right.” I took a deep breath. “Go. But promise me a few things.”

“Tell me.”

“First, inspect your food and belongings yourself. Don’t trust anyone. Second, don’t show off or overexert yourself in battle. Avoid danger when you can. Staying alive comes first. Third…”

My voice grew hoarse.

“Write to me every month, even if you only say, ‘I’m safe.’”

“I promise.”

For the next few days, I packed for him day and night.

Three thick padded outfits. I reinforced the sleeves with heavy cloth, afraid they would chafe his hands.

The night before he left, he came to my room.

From inside his robe, he took half a split jade pendant and handed it to me.

“Keep this, Mother. I’ll take the other half. If something happens in the capital, take yours to the keeper of Tongfu Inn in the southern district. He’ll help you. I’ve secretly had him in place for two years.”

I gripped the cold jade and hid it close to my body.

Before dawn on the day of parting, he had to leave.

Wearing the padded coat I’d sewn, a bundle on his back, he stood at the gate.

“I’m leaving, Mother. Once the frontier is pacified, I’ll come back alive for you.”

He knelt and carefully kowtowed.

Holding back tears, I nodded and stroked his head.

“Go. Travel safely.”

He turned and strode into the morning mist.

The courtyard was empty. Only Chuntao and I remained.

I watched from the gate until he disappeared completely.

Beside me, she spoke softly.

“Come inside, my lady. It’s cold.”

### Part 13

After Heng left, the days stretched endlessly.

The frontier was far away. Letters were difficult to send.

Sometimes I received one in a month. Sometimes two or three months passed without news.

Whenever I heard something at the gate, I thought a messenger had come and hurried to look. Eight times out of ten, no one was there.

Chuntao chased after me.

“Slow down! Put on another coat first!”

I didn’t listen. Only after finding no one did I return, embarrassed.

Fortunately, most reports were victories.

Brave and skillful, Heng showed exceptional strategy. Many ministers praised him as a young hero.

At the end of the first year, he wrote of his first great victory and the many horses and weapons captured.

At the end, one line:

“Mother, I haven’t disgraced you.”

I read it three times, folded it carefully, and put it in my box.

Seven or eight letters had accumulated. I knew what every one said.

Chuntao muttered beside me.

“How often have you read them? You’ll wear the paper through.”

But the emperor, exhausted by affairs of state, fell ill when winter came and could not rise.

At first, only a chill. Then his health weakened. He often lost consciousness, his clear moments growing fewer.

With him gravely ill, authority gradually passed to the Noble Consort and her maternal relatives.

Yu used her power to interfere in the ministries and plant his own people.

The commander of the Imperial Guards was replaced by her man.

Almost the entire capital fell into their grasp.

A few days later, a decree arrived.

The eunuch stood at our gate and read in his shrill voice: I had served the emperor carelessly, causing his severe illness. I was confined to Qinghui Courtyard and forbidden to leave without permission.

“My lady says Consort Shen should cultivate peace of mind. You won’t need so many things. The lowest monthly allowance will suffice. More might disturb your tranquility.”

Chuntao went white.

“The lowest? That won’t even cover charcoal!”

The eunuch smiled without warmth.

“If you find it inadequate, speak to the Noble Consort.”

I drew Chuntao back.

“Understood. Thank you for bringing the message.”

Once he left, she paced in distress.

“They’re trying to kill us!”

I went to the gate and looked at the guards’ shining weapons.

“She wants me trapped in her hand to control Heng. If he disobeys, I’ll be her hostage.”

“What do we do?”

I didn’t know.

I touched the icy jade inside my robe. It was the last safeguard he’d left me.

Day by day, the emperor grew closer to death.