Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I was about to leave when I saw Gu Huai. He stood behind the crowd, gripping the old scrapbook.

The same dark suit. But he looked exhausted. His eyes were bloodshot; even his cuffs were creased. He no longer strode toward me as he once had. He stood and watched.

Lin Xi's face darkened.

“Let me go tell him off.”

I stopped her. “No need.”

Pulling my suitcase, I walked toward him. His lips moved.

“Wenwen.”

“I'm in a hurry.”

He lowered his head to the scrapbook.

“I know you're not coming back. But there's still something I want to say.”

A boarding announcement echoed through the hall. My flight number.

His voice was very quiet.

“It wasn't that I didn't love you these past three years.”

I looked up at him. His tears fell.

“I took your love for granted. I thought that, however I treated you, you'd still be there. Whenever you said you were fine, I thought you really were. I thought you kept coming back because you couldn't leave me.”

He gripped the scrapbook tighter.

“Only later did I understand that every time you came back, you were giving me another chance. And I never took a single one.”

I looked at him. Three years earlier, hearing this would have made me cry. Two years earlier, I'd have softened. A year earlier, I'd have asked, “Will you change, then?”

Now, all I felt was the chill of the airport air-conditioning. I pulled my scarf a little higher.

Seeing the movement, he looked as though something in him had shattered. Perhaps he thought I'd say something. Scold him. Blame him. Ask why it had taken him until now to understand.

I said nothing. I took a card from my pocket and handed it to him.

The card from the last bouquet of white roses.

“Stop sulking. Come home for dinner tonight.”

As he looked at it, his face slowly drained of color.

“Gu Huai, I used to hate white roses.”

His voice caught. “I'm sorry.”

“I don't anymore.”

He stared. I smiled.

“Like you, they have nothing to do with me now.”

Another boarding announcement. I turned and walked on.

He called after me.

“Su Wen.”

I paused briefly.

Years earlier, the first time I'd gone with him to his family's home, I'd walked ahead like this. The house was full of people, their voices loud. I was so nervous my palms were sweating. Every few steps, I'd turned to look for him.

He stood behind me on the phone, waving me ahead to go in alone.

For years afterward, I'd kept turning back to wait. For him to finish being busy. For him to explain. For him to choose me. For him to love me.

This time, I didn't turn.

The glass doors closed behind me. I went through the boarding gate.

My phone vibrated. One last message from him.

“Wenwen, have a safe journey.”

I glanced at it, deleted his contact, and switched off the phone.

As the plane took off, the city beneath the clouds grew smaller. I leaned back and closed my eyes.

My body still ached a little. My stomach wasn't quite comfortable either. But small things came to mind.

The soy milk downstairs from my new apartment was delicious. Lin Xi had secretly tucked two packs of spicy snack sticks into my suitcase. My academic supervisor had replied to my email, saying they looked forward to seeing my work.

And there was me at twenty-four. A young woman in a rented room, drawing designs until three in the morning, her eyes astonishingly bright.

She wasn't Mrs. Gu. Wasn't anyone's wife. Wasn't the woman behind anyone.

She was simply Su Wen. Someone I'd almost lost, but had finally found again.

Epilogue