Chapter 1

I was the lowliest maid in the household, yet the eldest young master and I secretly promised to spend our lives together.

His father gave him two choices: sell me, or leave the Shen family with me.

Without hesitation, he chose me.

He set aside all his learning, carried water and worked the fields, and we lived as the most ordinary of married couples.

At sixty, he died before I did.

While sorting through his belongings, I unearthed a wooden chest behind our old house. Inside lay a thick stack of essays on statecraft.

On the sheet at the top, he had written:

[I carry the learning of ten thousand books, yet have never entered the Golden Throne Hall. This is my one regret in life.]

I held that chest and wept until I doubled over.

When I opened my eyes again, I had returned to the day our secret affair was discovered.

Aloeswood incense burned in the hall. His father sat sternly at its head.

The same two choices.

I bit my lip and was about to speak when the young master beside me straightened on his knees.

His voice was low, without the slightest hesitation.

“Father, I choose to sell her.”

01

For a moment, I was stunned. I turned toward Shen Zhiyan.

He knelt with his back perfectly straight, looking ahead.

His gaze remained on a floor tile. He never spared me a glance.

My breathing faltered.

The wooden chest behind our old house, and the regret about never entering the Golden Throne Hall, flashed before me together.

Suddenly, I understood.

He had been reborn too.

And in this life, he didn’t want to choose me.

Once I understood, I slowly grew calm.

He had been the cherished eldest son of the Shen family. In his previous life, for my sake, he had defied his parents, cut off his career, and spent half his life struggling in a shabby house, all his learning gathering dust.

It was reasonable that he no longer wanted to stake his whole life on me.

His mother relaxed a little in her seat above us.

“Fortunately, my son has sense. This lowborn slut hasn’t bewitched him.”

She waved her handkerchief. “Take the wretch out. Find a broker and sell her.”

Two older servants immediately seized my arms.

I let them pull me up.

As I reached the hall’s doorway, I couldn’t help turning for one last look at Shen Zhiyan.

Just then, he lifted his eyes. When our gazes met, I saw his lashes tremble.

But he quickly looked away and lowered his eyes to the tile again.

The last small hope within me went out.

I turned back and let them drag me from the hall.

They hauled me along the corridor toward the side gate.

The sun blazed, heating the back of my neck.

They didn’t care. They hurried me along, mocking me all the while.

“Just look at her, dreaming of someone far above her station! Her Ladyship has already arranged a match for the young master. A cultivated, proper young lady—a perfect pair!”

“Exactly. This one imagines becoming a mistress of the house? Dream on.”

“Never mind a wife. She isn’t even fit to be his concubine. A lowly maid like her?”

I kept my head down and said nothing.

I had heard plenty of such remarks in my previous life. Servants and maids had often sneered at me behind my back.

Whenever I heard them, I hid by a wall and cried quietly.

Shen Zhiyan would find me, help me up, and wipe my tears.

Later, he had defied his elders before everyone and told his father firmly:

“I love her. I won’t make her spend her life beneath others. If I cannot marry her as my wife, I would rather never marry.”

His father smashed a teacup in fury.

That was when he gave us those two choices.

Back then, Shen Zhiyan really had been willing to give up everything for me.

02

At the side gate, the servants pushed me out.

A broker was waiting. Her triangular eyes inspected me without restraint.

One servant ordered coldly:

“Her Ladyship says show this girl no mercy. Sell her to the meanest, most degrading household you can find. The harder her life, the better. Put an end to her dreams of rising in the world!”

The most degrading household.

Without thinking, I gripped the corner of my robe. My fingertips went cold.

“Don’t worry, Matron,” the broker promised. “I’ll see to it.”

She seized my arm and dragged me toward the burly man behind her.

“Watch her carefully.”

They forced me onto an ox cart.

The whip cracked. The cart creaked out of the city toward the countryside.

Its boards were hard and jolting. I hugged my knees in a corner and watched the roadside shops give way to fields.

Farther and farther from anywhere.

More and more desolate.

Where were they selling me?

In my previous life, we had been poor, but Shen Zhiyan had protected me.

In this one, I had only myself.

I couldn’t let them sell me like this.

Determined to risk everything, I waited until the man turned to adjust the reins, then rolled off the cart into the roadside field.

“You damned girl!” the broker shrieked.

Ignoring the pain, I scrambled up and ran.

My shoes sank in mud. I stumbled on, hearing only the wind.

The man jumped down and chased me.

Running desperately, I saw a sedan procession slowly approaching a bend ahead. Several servants in blue walked before and behind it. Clearly, a household’s women were traveling.

I could think of nothing else. I rushed toward it.

“Stop! Who are you?”

A guard stepped into my path.

I was panting too hard to speak, my legs so weak I nearly fell.

A woman’s unhurried voice came from the sedan.

“What’s happening outside?”

I dropped to my knees before it, trembling.

“My lady, please save me. They want to sell me somewhere filthy. I don’t even know where…”

The broker and man caught up and reached to drag me away.

I struggled desperately, scraping my nails into the earth.

During the scuffle, a corner of the sedan curtain lifted. A young woman’s face appeared, her expression cool and composed.

Seeing her imposing escort, the broker hurried to smile.

“My lady, this is a servant our household is selling. She’s disobedient. Forgive the disturbance.”

The young woman ignored her and looked at me.

“Can you read?”

I lifted my head, my throat tight.

“Yes. I can.”

“Good. Come with me.”

03

The broker’s face darkened.

“My lady, you can’t. She already has a buyer. I’m taking her there now.”

The young woman said nothing. She merely lifted her chin.

The guard took a pouch of silver from his robe and tossed it at the broker’s feet.

“That will cover compensation for your buyer.”

She glanced at the sword on his waist. Her lips moved, but in the end she dared say nothing more.

The guard beckoned to me.

“Keep close.”

I got up, brushed the dirt from my clothes, and followed the sedan with my head lowered.

After a little under an hour, it stopped before an imposing residence.

I looked up.

The Grand Secretary’s residence.

The young woman was Gu Qingyi, his legitimate daughter.

Only after entering did I understand why she had spent a pouch of silver to buy me.

She was accomplished in music, chess, calligraphy, and painting. There was only one problem.

She couldn’t read.

In these times, people prized the saying that a woman’s lack of learning was her virtue. The more distinguished the family, the more proud it was of its daughters’ illiteracy.

Gu Qingyi had been raised that way.

But she refused to accept it.

She wanted to learn secretly. No one dared teach her, and she had no one she could use.

She needed a literate personal maid who would keep her secret.

In my previous life, Shen Zhiyan had taught me characters whenever we had time, from the Thousand Character Classic to the Analects.

I used to laugh and say that if people heard a farmer’s wife could read, they would laugh themselves silly.

He never grew angry. He held my hand as we wrote in a tray of sand.

“A few more words will give you a little more confidence.”

Now that confidence had truly become my means of survival.

Gu Qingyi renamed me Awan. Openly, I kept her accounts, read letters, and copied invitations.

Late at night, when no one disturbed us, I taught her to read.

Day by day, I settled into the Grand Secretary’s household.

Just when I thought I could go on living that way, fate played another cruel joke.

One morning, my mistress and her mother were going out. As usual, I accompanied her.

She was especially splendid that day in a pale lotus-pink dress, with a kingfisher-feather hairpin. Her graceful composure made her seem a beauty stepped from a painting.

The sedan left the residence and headed south.

The streets grew familiar.

At first, I thought nothing of it. Perhaps we were merely passing through.

But the farther we went, the more my heart sank.

The sedan turned the last corner and stopped.

I looked up at familiar black-lacquered gates and the plaque above them.

The Shen residence.

I froze.

04

Lady Gu alighted first. My mistress followed, her composure unshaken.

Recovering myself, I hastily lowered my head and followed timidly.

The gates stood wide. The steward welcomed them with a beaming face.

I kept my head as low as possible, walking at the back through familiar corridors into the main hall.

Inside, Lady Shen, covered in jewels, rose to invite Lady Gu to sit.

I stood silently in a corner.

After a little conversation, Lady Shen came to the point.

“A marriage with your household would be a great blessing for our family.”

Lady Gu lifted her tea and smiled.

“You flatter us. Lord Shen enjoys His Majesty’s favor, and your son is a handsome young man with a boundless future.”

They exchanged perfectly polished courtesies.

At last, I understood.

The marriage the servants had mentioned was with the Grand Secretary’s family.

It really was an excellent match.

Lord Shen had risen from humble origins and lacked deep connections at court. The Gu family, by contrast, belonged to an old, respected line of scholar-officials, with generations of service and an extensive network.

Through this marriage, Shen Zhiyan would gain powerful shelter, making his career much smoother.

Footsteps sounded outside.

I looked up.

Shen Zhiyan strode in.