Chapter 3

I smiled.

“What is it? Jealous?”

He admitted it without hesitation.

“Yes.”

He held my waist tightly and buried his face against my neck, his breath hot.

“You only need me. If anyone else looks at you a moment longer or spends a little more time with you, I get jealous.”

Comforting him was like comforting a child.

I lightly stroked his back, tilted my head, and kissed his cheek.

Then I said, “May I kiss your tentacles?”

His ears turned scarlet.

I'd never seen him so shy.

His voice went husky.

“Chiêu Chiêu, you'll have to be fair to all of them...”

...

With Cố Châu watching so closely, Tô Hàn couldn't get anywhere near me.

But that evening, Cố Châu received some kind of news.

His expression changed.

He stroked my hair, told me to stay home and behave, and left.

I secretly followed.

Because that afternoon, Tô Hàn had tossed a note through my window.

He said he knew Cố Châu's secret.

He wanted to meet me that night.

I wanted to know, too.

Cố Châu and I were together constantly.

What could he possibly be hiding?

Soon, I reached the place named in the note.

Tô Hàn's voice had changed considerably.

If I hadn't heard it earlier that day, I might not have recognized him.

“Cố Châu, how much longer are you going to use Hạ Chiêu?”

Cố Châu hadn't noticed me.

Tô Hàn had.

When he looked toward me, something I couldn't understand crossed his eyes.

Pity, perhaps.

Or sorrow.

I didn't need either.

Use me?

Cố Châu treated me so well.

He'd never asked for anything.

How could he be using me?

I had nothing...

Even my mother didn't love me.

She wanted to control my entire life.

I wasn't allowed to date.

She'd already chosen someone for me to marry and planned to marry me off after graduation.

That was why I didn't want anyone to know about Cố Châu and me.

As though keeping it secret could keep it from reaching her ears.

What did I have that anyone could use?

...

Cố Châu spoke calmly.

“Who gave you permission to call her Chiêu Chiêu? I've never used her. What happens between us is no outsider's business.”

“I'm not an outsider! I'll work hard to get her to open her heart and accept me. If you agree, I'll even let you be her concubine!”

A blow sent Tô Hàn flying into the tree behind him.

Leaves rustled down.

Violence darkened Cố Châu's brow.

His right thumb unconsciously rubbed the joint of his index finger.

He always did that when his patience ran out.

“Your people will collect you tomorrow morning. Don't appear again. Otherwise, they won't even have a body to take home.”

He turned to leave.

My heart jumped.

I was about to hurry home before him when Tô Hàn called after him.

“You don't have human feelings or desires, do you? What are you hiding from her? You don't even understand love. You don't love her. Being with her lets you feel something. That's why you deliberately stayed—to use her to recover your emotions!”

“What do I need emotions for?”

“Because you do! Before I reached maturity, when I wanted to marry you, my entire clan opposed it. Precisely because you couldn't feel! They said your people wouldn't accept someone like that as their leader. You need to find an antidote to your toxin and regain your emotions before you can return and help your people live safely in the human world. Only Chiêu Chiêu is immune. That's why you need her...”

I didn't dare hear the rest.

My mind was chaos.

Static from an old black-and-white television seemed to hiss in my ears.

Somehow, I made it home.

I was still shaken when I heard Cố Châu return.

Quickly, I rolled over and pretended to sleep.

He gently climbed into bed and held me from behind.

His movements were so careful.

I'd thought I wouldn't sleep.

But perhaps it had become a habit.

Whenever he was near, I felt safe.

I didn't know where Tô Hàn had gone.

I couldn't spare the energy to wonder.

Suddenly, everything seemed strangely convenient.

I'd happened to pass that spot after class.

I'd found Cố Châu injured.

He was naturally cold and detached.

If someone else had saved him, he might never have felt grateful.

But I'd been the one.

And he'd attached himself to me.

I didn't believe I possessed some magical heroine's charisma.

He was indifferent to life.

Perhaps I couldn't change him at all.

After all, even I'd almost abandoned him that day.

In the end, I fell asleep.

The next day, Cố Châu was teaching another class.

I had no lessons.

I packed a few things and moved back into the dorm for a couple of days.

I felt that I was the one who needed to calm down.

I'd just finished making my bed when returning roommates began chatting.

“...”

“Yes, seriously handsome! I don't know whether I misheard, but when I walked past, I thought he was asking if anyone knew Hạ Chiêu.”

“Oh my God, I heard it too! I thought I'd imagined it. Must be someone with the same name...”

My heart trembled.

I pictured Cố Châu's handsome, cold face beneath the dormitory.

I stepped onto the balcony and looked down.

Then froze.

Tô Hàn?

How did he know I'd moved back?

I was about to retreat inside when he spotted me.

He looked up and immediately broke into a brilliant, eager smile.

I sighed and went down.

The moment I reached him, he offered me milk tea.

“I heard human girls love this. I deliberately chose the shop with the longest queue. Try it!”

“No, thank you. I don't have an appetite.”

“Chiêu Chiêu, everything I said yesterday was true. I wasn't lying. If you're upset, I'll help you beat up Cố Châu.”

I laughed.

“The two of us together probably couldn't beat him.”

“You finally smiled at me. You always used to smile when we met, but you looked so calm just now.”

“I'm just tired.”

So tired that every interaction felt heavy.

I didn't know what any of this was for.

I'd tried so hard to live well.

To escape the damage my family had done.

After meeting Cố Châu, I'd felt as though a light had appeared in the rest of my life.

Now someone was telling me that light was false.

Tô Hàn saw my sadness and reached to pat my head.

He was new to human society and understood very little.

He clumsily copied what he'd seen.

Cố Châu comforted me by stroking my hair, so he wanted to do it, too.

I instinctively avoided his hand.

Then I felt an intense, brooding gaze.

Looking up, I saw Cố Châu beside a tree some distance away.

His eyes were cold and sharp, fixed on Tô Hàn.

How long had he been watching?

He'd always hated me having contact with other men.

After a scene like this, he would probably pin me against the door at home and kiss me breathless.

Then murmur, “Sweetheart, don't get too close to them. I don't like it.”

Of course, he never grew close to anyone else himself.

After I agreed, I'd often learn a few days later that the people who'd approached me had suffered some mishap.

A broken bone.

A cold.

A scrape with a car.

An inexplicable fall into water.

Only later did I realize how possessive Cố Châu was.

I already knew what it was to feel insecure.

So I'd wanted to do everything I could to make him feel safe.

Now he looked exactly as he had when he'd once seen another male student hand me a love letter.

Worse, even.

“Come here.”

Just like always.

This time, I stayed where I was.

I took the milk tea from Tô Hàn and smiled.

“Thank you. But don't buy it again. I don't really like it.”

Before leaving, I remembered something.

“Actually, I wanted to tell you this before you differentiated. If you have the right to choose your sex, you don't have to take anyone else into account. Choose what you want. What matters is who you want to become. It's not too late to say it now, either. Congratulations on beginning a new life.”

Tô Hàn stared at me.

As I prepared to leave, I had a feeling Cố Châu wouldn't simply go away.

So I called him.

It was such a short distance.

I didn't want to walk it anymore.

The phone would do.

“Cố Châu, you said you loved me and would always stay with me. If that was all a lie, why have you come looking for me?”

“If you want help recovering your emotions, or finding out why I'm immune to your toxin, I'll help.”

“So you don't need to keep sweet-talking me.”

I returned to the dorm.

I wanted to shut out the world.

But that evening, after washing my clothes, I stepped onto the balcony to hang them up.

An accidental glance downward stopped me.

Beneath the streetlight stood a familiar, slender figure.

Motionless.

Alone.

Looking gaunt and dispirited.

Just as I was beginning to think I'd imagined him, he stirred and lifted his head.

His dark gaze crossed three floors.

Caught me.

I knew he'd seen me.

I immediately went inside.

My roommates were discussing the strange man downstairs.

Lý Cầm suddenly said, “Doesn't he look familiar?”

My heart tightened.

Fortunately, no one recognized Cố Châu.

I breathed easier and looked at the dark sky beyond the window.

No moon.

No stars.

The forecast said it would turn cold and rain tonight.