Chapter 32: Through the Bookshop Window

After a while, a familiar voice called my name.
“Yijun.”
My eyes remained fixed on the lantern. At first, I thought I’d imagined it.
Then I looked up.
Ji Feiyang was standing in front of me.
The light was poor, but there was no mistaking him.
“So you had lanterns of your own.”
“How did you know I was here?”
The cold made my voice tremble.
“I ran into Zhou Guo downstairs.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be looking at lanterns with whatshername?”
“Do you know what time it is?”
I had no idea.
He picked up one of the lanterns beside me, lit it and sat down. Then he touched my cheek with the back of his hand.
“Is it really that much fun? You’re frozen, and you’re still out here.”
I said nothing.
It turned out Zhou Guo had gone downstairs to fetch a quilt. Wrapped in it, I felt much warmer.
“It’s almost one. Are you planning to stay until dawn?”
“We’ll go down when your lantern’s finished burning.”
In a rare moment of mischief, Ji Feiyang bumped his lantern against mine.
“What are you doing?”
I jumped up.
“Finishing them. This is quicker.”
I hurried away, and he followed.
With a cry, I ran across the roof. The faint candlelight caught our smiling faces as we chased each other, the lanterns swinging wildly.
Before his could touch mine again, the paper of my lantern caught fire on its own.
He swung his towards it, and the flames caught his too.
“That doesn’t count!”
“You said we’d leave when they were finished. You never said we couldn’t do it this way.”
“You’re so sneaky.”
He nudged me towards the stairs.
“If you like them that much, we can do it again tomorrow.”
“Wait…”
“What now?”
After a brief hesitation, I asked, “Do you like whatshername?”
“What do you mean, whatshername?”
He quickly realised whom I meant.
“Her name is Cao Jingyi.”
“Does it upset you when I call her that?”
“I’m not that petty.”
“Do you like her?”
“I don’t have to tell you.”
“Do you or don’t you?”
“I don’t have to tell you.”
“If you won’t say it, you must not like her.”
“It’s none of your business.”
After a pause, I ventured, “What if I told you I liked you? Would it be my business then?”
He went still for a moment.
“Stop fooling around. Go downstairs and get some sleep.”
“I’m serious.”
I meant every word.
I hadn’t thought about what might happen afterwards. I only wanted him to know how I felt.
And I hoped that perhaps he felt something for me too.
“But I don’t like you at all,” he said coldly.
“You really don’t?”
“No.”
“Not even a little?”
“No.”
“Not the tiniest bit?”
“No.”
The rejection crushed me.
Still, I forced out a retort.
“Who do you think you are? As if anyone would like you. A little flattery, and it goes straight to your head.”
Then I turned and ran.
How could I have been so stupid?
I’d known he wouldn’t like me. Why had I gone and humiliated myself?
After that night, my face darkened whenever I saw Ji Feiyang.
He seemed to be deliberately avoiding me too.
From time to time, rumours circulated around the hotel that he would soon be engaged.
I’d also seen Cao Jingyi’s parents arrive, looking delighted. At the sight of them, Yan Rong’s face—which always seemed so stern to me—softened into a welcoming smile.
The rumours hadn’t come from nowhere.
They were probably going ahead with it.
There was no chance for Ji Feiyang and me.
I took a few days off. The pain had become too much to carry through a working day.
When I’d heard that Big Brother was marrying my sister, I’d been heartbroken too. But there had been more anger than anything else, and an unwillingness to let him go.
This was different.
Nothing could lift my spirits. The heaviness inside me made it difficult to speak. All I wanted was to find somewhere to shut myself away.
This wasn’t like Tang Yijun.
When Tang Yijun was hurt or angry, she raged and smashed things, pouring out every bit of unhappiness.
Somehow, without noticing, I’d changed.
Heartache wouldn’t last forever. Time would carry the pain away.
For now, all I could do was avoid him and make it hurt a little less.
For several days, I wandered alone. Sometimes I visited the hospital to see my sister; sometimes I lingered outside the gates at home.
Only after dark did I slip back to the hotel.
I missed Big Brother too.
How was he doing?
I decided to go and see him.
Secretly.
Diagonally opposite Feifan Bank was a bookshop. From its second floor, I could clearly see everyone entering and leaving the bank.
I browsed the shelves while keeping an eye on the people below.
Then I saw something that stunned me.
My sister—the sister I’d gone to visit at the hospital that very morning—appeared at the bank entrance.
My eyes widened.
There she was, walking into the bank.
I pressed myself against the window.
Once her graceful figure disappeared inside, doubt crept in. Perhaps something was wrong with my eyes. She’d turned before I’d had a proper look.
Plenty of people looked alike from behind.
While I was still wondering whether I’d imagined it, she came out with Big Brother, her handbag hooked over her arm.
She was smiling faintly. Her steps were steady, and she looked perfectly well.
They walked a short distance and got into a car.
Wasn’t she supposed to be lying in hospital?
Had she recovered?
Why hadn’t anyone told me?
She didn’t look as though she’d just come through a serious illness.
Could it be…
I rushed out of the bookshop and hailed a taxi.
Their car was already some distance away.
“Where to?” the driver asked.
“Just follow my directions.”
I knew Big Brother’s registration number. After driving for a while, we caught up.
They got out and entered an expensive office building.
I didn’t follow them any further.
There was no doubt in my mind now: my sister was healthy.
I told the driver to take me home.
Mrs. Zhuang looked surprised by my sudden arrival.
“Miss Yijun, what are you doing home? Shouldn’t you be at work?”
“I took some leave. Where’s Mum?”
“Upstairs.”
I went to find her.
Once, I would have demanded an explanation on the spot.
“Why are you home at this hour?” Mum asked.
“I was a little tired from work, so I took some time off.”
My answer was vague.
We sat down on the sofa.
“Is my sister any better?” I asked cautiously.
“Still the same.”
Mum sighed, looking troubled, though her complexion was healthy and rosy.
I watched her expression closely.
She was quite an actress.
A private, bitter amusement stirred in me. I’d never known my family had such talent.
At the hospital, Big Brother had refused to let me into my sister’s room. His grief and anger had seemed utterly convincing.
“Don’t be sad, Mum. She’s a good person. She’ll be all right.”
As I comforted her, happiness and hurt pulled at me together.
My sister was safe. Nothing could make me happier than that.
But they had all joined together to deceive me.
Was I really so awful that they’d had to resort to this?
“You seem to have lost weight,” Mum said.
“Yes,” Mrs. Zhuang and Auntie Lan agreed, concerned. “You look much thinner.”
“I’m all right.”
“Is the work tiring?” Mrs. Zhuang asked sympathetically. “You’ve never had to do much before. It must have been difficult getting used to it.”
“At first,” I said with a smile. “I’m used to it now.”
“You mustn’t be afraid of hardship, Miss Yijun. Learning to endure it will help you make something of yourself.”
“I know.”
A plate of sweets sat on the coffee table, their colourful wrappers gleaming with gold.
It had been a long time since I’d eaten one.
Thinking about it, I realised that lately I’d been sad far more often than angry.
They’d been deceiving me for this long already.
There was no hurry to expose them.