Chapter 2

I had enjoyed six peaceful months when Mother cornered me at the Treasure Pavilion.

She twisted a handkerchief between her fingers.

Her tearful eyes held guilt toward my sister and resentment toward me.

“Hengzhi is terribly ill, but she won’t let me give my blood for her medicine.

“Save your sister.”

So Mother loved my sister, and my sister loved Mother.

They were a family, bound by blood and affection.

And I, though Mother’s daughter and my sister’s own flesh and blood, had always stood outside that circle. No one cared about me.

I gave a faint, bitter laugh.

In the end, my resolve weakened.

“Mother, this is the last time.”

When Pei Yan heard, he knocked over a cup of tea and flew into a rage.

Afterward, he sat quietly in our room, waiting for me.

The sun had set, but he would not let anyone light the lamps.

The moment I entered, a familiar accusation came from the darkness.

“Ye Ying, is this how you cherish yourself?”

His voice was very soft.

For some reason, it frightened me.

I was about to light a lamp when he pulled me hard into his arms.

Furious, he held me tight.

“You are not an appendage to your sister.

“You must live for yourself. Do you understand?”

I bit my lip, struggling to hold back the tears welling in my eyes.

“Yes,” I whispered.

Mother came to the Eastern Palace several more times.

Each time, Pei Yan ordered the guards to turn her away.

The last time was when my sister lay dying.

I went to see her.

She leaned against the bed, deathly pale but still as beautiful as ever.

“Yingying, if you had never been born…

“I couldn’t have clung to life this long. Tell me, what does it make me, drinking my own family’s blood every day? A monster?”

Seeing her so weak, I could not help aching for her.

A long time passed before I managed a choked reply.

“But none of you ever asked whether I wanted to be your living remedy.

“The one who truly never had a choice…

“was me.”

On the day my sister was married off—no, the day of her funeral—Mother wept until she fainted.

She clutched my sister’s hand and refused to let anyone close the coffin.

When I stepped forward to reason with her, she shoved me to the ground.

“How could I have given birth to such a vicious daughter?

“If I’d known it would come to this, I would have let you die in my womb. Why did I ever bring you into this world?”

Suppressing his anger, Pei Yan helped me up.

He was about to rebuke Mother when he glanced at my sister. His face drained of color.

“How can it be her?”

He stared at her beautiful face and murmured to himself.

“I should have realized long ago.

“Two sisters would naturally bear some resemblance.

“What a cruel trick of fate. I cherished a fish’s eye and passed over the pearl.”

That night, I learned that Pei Yan had loved someone before he met me.

They had seen each other only twice and had barely exchanged a word.

The first time was beneath the matchmaking tree at the temple.

A veil covered her face as she prayed earnestly, a lovely, lively figure.

The second time was at the Lantern Festival.

Their eyes met across the distance, and he saw her enchanting face clearly.

The woman he loved was my elder sister.

But her illness kept her indoors almost all year, and he could never find her.

In the end, he settled for marrying me.

After my sister’s burial, Pei Yan deliberately kept his distance.

Only when he was drunk would he call her name and drag me to bed despite my resistance.

He was never gentle.

I spent my days in tears.

Then I became pregnant.

Pei Yan returned to his old self. He forgot my sister and devoted all his attention to me and the child I carried.

But it was a lie.

One afternoon in late autumn, keeping it from everyone, he drank poison to follow my sister in death.

By the time I reached him, he was struggling to hold on to his final breath.

“Yingying, your sister is the only woman in my heart.

“You may resemble her a little, but you can never compare to her. I cannot persuade myself to spend my whole life with a counterfeit.

“I only hope that in our next lives, she and I will not miss each other again.”

Not long after he died, someone laid a trap for me, and I lost the baby.

The Emperor and Empress already blamed me for their son’s death. With the child gone, they had nothing left to restrain them.

A length of white silk, three chi long, sent me to my death.

My thoughts returned to the present.

I lowered my eyes and said a few flattering words to my sister.

The next day, an imperial decree appointing her Crown Princess arrived at our residence. All that remained was to choose an auspicious wedding date.

My sister began seeing Pei Yan often.

They went boating on the lake and discussed poetry.

Beneath the matchmaking tree at the temple, they vowed to spend their whole lives together, with no one else between them.

Soon, everyone in the capital knew how deeply the Crown Prince adored her.

For her sake, he would take no other women into the Eastern Palace.

Invitations poured in for Mother. Among the other ladies, she basked in her newfound distinction.

One evening, my sister came straight to my room after returning from an outing with him.

A faint cloud troubled her brow.

“Yingying, there’s something I want to ask you.”

I rose, still fully dressed, and waited for her to continue.

“You used to go to Baohua Temple to pray. Did you ever meet a gentleman in blue robes? A very handsome man?”

I thought carefully. I really had not.

She visibly relaxed at my answer.

“Then did you ever comfort a little girl who had lost her way?”

I paused.

A few years earlier, at Baohua Temple, I had indeed come across a lovely little girl, as delicate as carved jade.

She was crying and making a fuss, so I took the silver butterfly pin from my hair to amuse her. Its wings could move.

I had owned two such pins.

Mother had taken one and given it to my sister.

I had accidentally lost the other.

My sister’s voice grew urgent.

“Were you wearing a white veil?”

At the time, I had eaten something that caused an allergic reaction.

A rash had broken out all over my face, so I wore a veil whenever I went out.

All the strength seemed to leave my sister. She dropped into a chair.

“So it really was you…

“The woman he’s been searching for is you.”

I did not understand. I was about to ask what she meant when something occurred to her.

She gripped my hand and forced a smile.

“Yingying, now that I have such a good match, of course I can’t neglect you.

“I’ve asked His Highness to arrange a marriage for you.

“To Song Mingzhang, the current Prime Minister and the Song family’s only son. He may be lame, but he has a promising future.

“You’ll live very comfortably as his wife.”

I clenched my hands. My throat was painfully dry.

“His Highness agreed?”

She smoothed the hair at her temple, her lips curving upward.

“He loves me dearly.

“How could he embarrass me over such a trifling matter?”

But I did not want to marry Song Mingzhang.

Rumor described him as a sinister, vicious man who hated anyone with sound legs. Even his relatives and servants were said to be lame, just like him.

If I entered his household, I feared I would meet the same fate.

I had not expected to need the reward Pei Yan had promised me so soon.

He stood behind a screen.

After hearing why I had come, he fell silent for a long time.

A vague sense of foreboding crept over me.

Sure enough, he refused me again.

“Your marriage to Mingzhang was Hengzhi’s first request of me. I cannot embarrass her by refusing.

“Besides, Mingzhang has already been told.

“Go home and prepare for your wedding, Second Miss. I will add to your dowry as repayment for saving my life.”

His words left no room for argument.

Even so, I wanted to make one last attempt to fight for the marriage that would shape the rest of my life.

“To force two strangers who do not love each other to marry and spend their lives together—isn’t that cruel?

“Put yourself in their place, Your Highness. If you couldn’t marry my sister, would you be happy?”

He would not.

In my first life, his heart had died with her.

Pei Yan slowly emerged from behind the screen, his expression wavering.

Just as I thought he might relent, a gentle voice called out.

“Your Highness.”

My sister stood there in a pale green dress, graceful and serene, looking so vulnerable that anyone would pity her.

She gazed at me, bewilderment filling her almond-shaped eyes.

“Yingying, with your family standing, marrying Lord Song is already more than you could hope for.

“What else could you possibly want?

“Unless you want to marry His Highness?”

Pei Yan gave a helpless smile.

“Hengzhi, don’t talk nonsense. She’s going to be Mingzhang’s wife.”

My sister’s lips curved.

“In that case, Yingying, don’t come looking for His Highness again.

“He is my betrothed, and you are my younger sister. If you two grow too close, I’ll be jealous. It will hurt me.”

“Very well,” Pei Yan said.