Chapter 4

Instead, he suddenly pulled me into his arms and held me tight.

With our pajamas in the way, there was too little skin touching skin. Shamelessly, I had to ask for more.

"C-Could I put my hand underneath?"

He didn't answer. He simply took off his pajama top.

Then he reached over and took mine off too.

I tensed at once.

"Shi Yi, what... what are you doing?"

"This way, we can have better contact. Isn't that right?"

His voice had gone husky.

I felt a little embarrassed.

He was thinking of me, and I'd assumed he...

A steady rush of energy enveloped me. It felt so good I sighed.

But in the stillness of the night, the sound was far too suggestive.

I clenched my teeth, not daring to make another noise.

The energy was cool, yet I felt unbearably hot.

So did Shi Yi. His body was like a furnace.

His breathing was growing heavier too.

My face rested against his collarbone. Above it, I could feel his Adam's apple moving again and again, as though he was holding back some urge.

I might have been inexperienced, but I wasn't completely ignorant.

I knew he wanted to.

He just couldn't.

All I could do was feel guilty while continuing to draw energy from him.

Though... perhaps I was imagining it, but something seemed to be pressing against me from his lower body.

18

The air between us grew more charged.

Shi Yi seemed unable to bear it any longer. He lifted the covers slightly to let in some cool air.

As he did, his hand moved up.

And touched something hard beneath my pillow.

"What's this?"

Puzzled, he pulled it out.

In the dim moonlight, the outline of the imitation male organ was unmistakable.

He took a deep breath. When he spoke, his voice was low.

"An Ran, if you want it, I can give it to you. How could a fake compare to the real thing?"

"It's not like that."

I was close to tears as I explained.

"Th-That was a wedding present from Li Yao and the others. I haven't used it. Honestly."

"Then why is it under your pillow?"

"Because... because..."

I was still trying to put my explanation together when he bent to kiss me.

By the time he finished, I'd gone weak all over.

I wanted to explain, but he spoke first.

"An Ran, let me help you. All right?"

His warm, deep voice coaxed me.

As though bewitched, I nodded.

By the time I remembered that Shi Yi wasn't capable of helping me, it was too late...

19

Shi Yi wore me out that night.

I didn't wake until the sun was high.

The moment I opened my eyes, I met his dark, smiling gaze.

Remembering everything that had happened, I burrowed under the covers.

He immediately pulled me out and gathered me into his arms.

I hid my face against his chest, too embarrassed to look at him.

To ease the strange atmosphere, I said, "So the medical report really was fake."

"Mm," he answered. "And that wasn't all. Everything I said yesterday was true too."

Yesterday...

I remembered what he'd said to Xu Qin.

That he loved me. Only me.

Did that mean he really did love me?

My heart suddenly raced.

But I didn't dare ask.

I only wanted to protect this precious little hope, fragile as a soap bubble.

I told my three friends that Shi Yi was perfectly healthy.

"Congratulations, An Ran! You really did strike gold!"

"I told you I know how to judge a man!"

They were all delighted for me. I felt a little troubled.

"But if there's nothing wrong with him, why did he marry me?"

Someone as perfect as him had so many choices. He didn't have to choose a sickly woman like me.

Li Yao ventured boldly, "An Ran, do you think... maybe Shi Yi's been secretly in love with you for years?"

"How could he be?"

For more than a decade, I'd been the one sneaking looks at him. Loving him in secret.

20

Ever since we'd started sleeping together, Shi Yi had kept me up late every night until I was exhausted.

Naturally, I started waking later too.

One day, not long after hurrying out, he contacted me.

"An Ran, I forgot a file. Could you bring it to me?"

"Sure."

I quickly found it and took a taxi to his company.

At reception, I said, "Could you please pass this on to Mr. Shi?"

The receptionist responded at once.

"You're Mrs. Shi, aren't you? He's already told us to take you up if you come."

Being addressed that way made me shy.

I nodded and followed her into the elevator, all the way to the top floor.

Shi Yi's secretary knocked on his office door.

His voice came from inside.

"Come in."

When I entered, he was at his desk going through documents with a look of intense concentration.

I had to admit, a man concentrating on his work was very attractive.

Perhaps my stare was too intense, because he looked over.

The moment he saw me, the coolness in his expression softened.

He got up and came toward me.

"Thank you, Ranran."

"You're welcome. Get back to work. I'll head home."

I was about to leave.

Instead, Shi Yi slipped his arms around me and pressed me against the door.

Kisses rained down.

Dizzy from his kisses, I heard him murmur, "Since you're here... don't you want to recharge?"

21

I left Shi Yi's office on shaky legs.

I turned down his offer to have his driver take me home, intending to get a taxi myself.

As I passed the break room, a conversation made me stop.

"The boss's wife came in today. Did you see her?"

"Yes. So frail she looks as if a gust of wind could knock her over. I don't know what he sees in someone like that."

"Oh, I don't think he likes her at all. He only married her to make Xiaochen jealous after they had a fight."

"His wife just happened to get lucky."

Their gossip made my heart ache.

Then a stern woman's voice cut in.

"What are you talking about during working hours?"

"Sorry, Xiaochen. We were just joking."

They apologized and left the break room.

I hid my distress and was about to leave too when the woman named Xiaochen noticed me and came over.

Before I could speak, she began explaining.

"Mrs. Shi, please don't misunderstand. Mr. Shi and I... it's not what you think."

She was supposedly clearing things up. Yet her eyes brimmed with tears as she looked toward his office.

Whatever she meant to say, she only made it look as though there was something to hide.

I forced a smile.

"All right. I won't misunderstand."

My blunt reply left Du Xiaochen speechless.

She gave an awkward smile and watched me leave.

On the way home, I kept trying to comfort myself.

Rumors weren't facts.

And... and even if they were true, even if Shi Yi really had married me on a whim after fighting with Du Xiaochen, that alone was enough to make me happy.

As long as he loved only me while we were married.

After all, I'd secretly loved him for more than ten years.

But no matter how I tried to reason with myself, I couldn't stop hurting.

I couldn't sleep.

It was late when Shi Yi finally came home from working overtime, showered and lay down beside me.

I asked him, "Shi Yi, why did you get married?"

He paused, clearly surprised to find me awake. Then he pulled me into his arms.

"I wasn't planning to. Then, suddenly, I wanted to."

My heart sank.

Was it really just as they'd said?

Had he decided to marry on a whim because of a fight with Du Xiaochen?

22

I kept it to myself.

As though none of it had happened.

The next time I went to his company was because he'd been working late so often that I missed him.

I heard more rumors.

Now his employees were saying he couldn't get it up.

That was supposedly why he'd broken up with Du Xiaochen.

I told him immediately.

His expression turned serious, and he ordered someone to investigate.

While I rested in the lounge on the top floor, Du Xiaochen came to find me again.

"Mrs. Shi, please don't be upset. I know the rumor isn't true."

Once might have been a coincidence.

Twice was deliberate.

I couldn't be bothered to engage. I only said, "Oh."

Her expression froze briefly before returning to normal.

"When Shi Yi was in bed with me, he was so vigorous. How could he be impotent?"

My hand tightened on my knee. I looked at her.

"You don't need to keep trying to provoke me. Whatever you want from Shi Yi, I'm the one he's married to."

I laid it out plainly.

She dropped the act.

"So what if you're married? I'm the one in his heart."

"I don't believe you."

I didn't believe Shi Yi was the sort of man who'd be with one woman while wanting another. If he was with me, he must already have cut ties with anyone else.

"Then go home and look. See whether the love letter I wrote him is still in your marital home."

With that, Du Xiaochen left at her leisure.

My thoughts were in complete turmoil.

That night, I lay in bed with Shi Yi.

I clung to him, drawing in the energy I needed.

As soon as he couldn't hold back his body's response, I pushed him away.

And turned my back.

Hmph. Awful man.

If he was going to upset me, he could suffer.

23

In the end, I couldn't resist searching the apartment.

When I found a pink envelope tucked inside the book Shi Yi read so often, every fear I'd had lately came true.