Chapter 1

I married the man next door in a whirlwind wedding.

I'd been frail and sickly since childhood. He couldn't have children.

Our marriage should have been cold and distant.

Then, quite by accident, I discovered that getting physically close to him made me healthier.

So I started finding every possible excuse to stay close. To cling to him.

My health really did improve. There was just one problem...

Why was the way he looked at me getting stranger by the day?

1

At lunchtime, Auntie Lin came over to gossip with Mom. Everyone called her our neighborhood's walking encyclopedia.

"Have you heard? The Shi family's son next door—Shi Yi? Turns out he can't get it up."

"He was at the restaurant where I work the day before yesterday, on a blind date. I heard it myself."

"The girl was very pleased with him at first. She thought he was just saying it to put her off. Then he showed her his medical report. She threw a whole glass of water in his face and called him a cripple. Said he had some nerve going on blind dates in that state."

Mom sighed regretfully.

"Such a fine young man. What a shame."

She kept lamenting his misfortune, then added, "But you mustn't tell anyone else."

"Don't worry. I'm not one to gossip."

I lost my appetite, put down my chopsticks and went upstairs.

Back in my bedroom, I opened the window.

As usual, I glanced down—and there was Shi Yi in the courtyard next door.

His long legs were crossed. One hand, its knuckles sharply defined, turned the pages of the book on his lap.

He looked calm and absorbed.

2

We might have grown up next door to each other, but Shi Yi and I weren't actually close.

He'd been handsome and brilliant at school ever since he was little.

The child every parent held up as an example.

He was five years older than me.

When I was in middle school, he was in high school.

When I was in high school, he was at university.

When I went to university, he went abroad to study.

By the time he came home, my health had started to deteriorate.

And the feelings I'd harbored for him all those years remained unspoken.

I thought of someone throwing water in his face, of what was wrong with his health, and my heart ached.

I was still staring when he seemed to sense my gaze. He turned toward me.

I ducked behind the curtain before our eyes could meet.

My heart hammered.

3

After lunch, Mom went off to play mahjong with her friends.

By the time I woke from my nap, dusk was falling.

The courtyard next door was empty. The lights were on inside.

What would Shi Yi be doing at home right now?

I was still wondering when—

Ding-dong.

The doorbell rang.

Thinking Mom was back, I shuffled downstairs in my slippers, still wearing my pajamas.

I opened the door and found Shi Yi on the other side.

My first instinct was to find a hole and crawl into it.

He was immaculate. My hair was a mess.

I immediately lowered my head, too embarrassed to look at him.

"Um... did you need something?"

My toes curled so hard with nerves I could have gouged holes in the floor.

His voice was cool, but lovely to listen to.

"I asked to borrow a book from your father. He told me to pick it up from you."

"Oh. Right. Sure."

I called Dad, but he didn't answer. Probably in a meeting.

I stepped aside.

"Would you like to look for it in his study?"

"Yes, thank you."

4

Dad's study was on the ground floor, connected to the tea room.

After showing Shi Yi in, I ran to the bathroom to brush my hair and straighten my clothes, then went back to help him find the book.

Suddenly, my best friend Li Yao's loud voice came from the doorway.

"An Ran! I've got the biggest news! Shi Yi, the hottest guy in our neighborhood? He can't get it up!"

I saw Shi Yi's back go rigid.

I hurried to the study door and frantically signaled at Li Yao to stop.

She looked baffled.

"What's wrong with your eye? Is it twitching? You know Shi Yi, right? The guy next door? Ridiculously gorgeous? All those girls used to give him love letters, and he turned every one of them down. Do you think this is karma? Who knows what he'll—"

She kept going.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Shi Yi frown, his lips pressed into a thin line.

Without stopping to think, I rushed over and clapped a hand over her mouth.

When I spoke, I was close to tears.

"Please. Stop talking..."

5

It turned out our all-knowing Auntie Lin was an incorrigible gossip.

The entire neighborhood now knew Shi Yi couldn't have children.

His mother, who hadn't left the house for two days, finally gave up trying to hide it. She came over first thing in the morning, sighing endlessly.

"My Yi is such a good boy. How could this... He's our only child. I've given up hoping for grandchildren. I'm just worried about what this will do to him."

"He seems to be coping quite well. You're the one who needs to look after yourself. Don't make yourself ill with worry, or he'll be worrying about you too," Mom said soothingly.

Auntie Shi shook her head.

"You don't understand. He's kept everything to himself since he was little..."

Mom tried to comfort her for a while, without much success. Then she seemed to have an idea and pulled me over.

"My An Ran isn't bad-looking, is she? But she's always been delicate. A few years ago she suddenly started having these spells where she couldn't breathe. We've tried so many hospitals. Nobody can work out what's causing it, let alone cure her."

"With her health, I wouldn't dare let her have a baby. I'd planned to keep her here with us for the rest of her life."

The two of them found themselves united in sorrow.

One sighed.

Then the other.

Suddenly, they looked at each other.

"Your daughter is sickly. My son can't have children. Don't they make a lovely couple?"

"Your son can't find a wife. My daughter can't find a husband. A match made in heaven!"

"We'll be in-laws!"

"Oh!"

6

Shi Yi and I got married in a whirlwind.

I'd liked him for so many years. When Mom brought it up, I didn't want to say no.

What surprised me was that he agreed too.

To give us time to grow closer, his parents arranged a spacious apartment for us and told us to move in.

Just thinking about living with Shi Yi made me burn with embarrassment.

I'd finished packing ages ago, but I put off leaving until evening. Mom had practically rolled her eyes into the back of her head by the time I finally went.

When I arrived, Shi Yi was reading in the living room.

He got straight up, took my suitcase and headed for the bedroom.

I hurried to speak.

"Um... I can sleep in the spare room."

A flicker of hurt crossed his usually cool eyes.

I remembered Auntie Shi saying how proud he was, how he kept his troubles to himself.

He'd always had so much pride. To be faced with something like this all of a sudden... he must be suffering, surely?

Would he think I was disgusted by him if I wanted separate rooms?

He nodded and was about to carry my suitcase into the spare room when I snatched it back and dragged it into the main bedroom.

"Let's sleep together!"

"Hm?"

He looked puzzled.

My cheeks burned.

"We're married. Of course we should share a bed."

He paused, then gave a soft laugh.

"All right."