Chapter 5

“But right now, it’s only an embryo…”

I lost control entirely, tears streaming down my face.

“If it’s gone now… it won’t hurt so much.”

“Hứa Trăn, you don’t want me, and now you don’t even want my child…”

“There can’t be a more heartless woman in the world!”

23

“It was only a transaction. Don’t you understand?”

“A transaction? You think I’d casually sleep with a woman for some so-called transaction?”

“You think I’d casually let a woman carry my child?”

He abruptly stepped forward, took my chin, and made me look at him.

“Hứa Trăn, do you think I really stayed with the Chu family for medical treatment?”

“You think a few tears and a little begging from any woman would be enough to soften me?”

“You think just anyone can touch these coral beads? That just anyone can climb into my bed?”

He released my chin, then took my icy hand and pressed it to his chest.

“That first night, when I kissed you… didn’t you feel it?”

“Trần Tông Nguyệt?”

I stared, bewildered.

Through my tears, he was still impossibly handsome.

But his eyes held a tenderness he was struggling to restrain.

I remembered how he had kept to himself at the Chu house, refusing to see anyone.

Yet that day, he had opened his courtyard gate and come to me as I cried.

I remembered the handkerchief.

The humidifier I gave him, always standing on his desk.

The buttons he had fastened, the scarf he had wrapped around me on that bitter winter night.

The things he had said to Chu Cảnh Hoài before leaving.

The bank card and the final note.

The signs had been there all along.

I had simply never considered them that way.

No. I hadn’t dared imagine that someone might quietly like me, care for me—a Hứa Trăn with such dark intentions, driven to the “underhanded tricks” Chu Cảnh Hoài had spoken of.

Trần Tông Nguyệt raised his hand and gently wiped my tears.

“Come back with me. Have a bath and a good night’s sleep. Leave everything else to me.”

He took my hand, ready to lead me away.

I stayed where I was.

“Why?”

“I don’t believe in love at first sight.”

He turned to look at me for a long moment, then lowered his eyes with a faint smile.

“Neither do I.”

“Then why did you…”

Standing beneath the corridor lights, his thin face patterned with shadow, he didn’t look at me. He only stroked the coral beads at his wrist.

After a long silence, he said slowly, “I’ve been in poor health since childhood. My elders have always worried I might never have children.”

He removed the beads and held them out to me.

“When I went back to Hong Kong this time, I placed them before the Buddha again and prayed for a blessing. Wear them. They’ll keep you and the baby safe.”

I looked at the bloodred coral between his slender fingers.

Relief loosened something inside me, followed by a slow, bitter ache.

So that was it.

It was only because of the baby after all.

He slipped the beads onto my wrist.

“For now, come home with me.”

I was so tired.

Every last bit of strength had left me.

Even from outside Beijing, he had made so many hospitals afraid to perform the procedure.

Now he was here in person.

I knew nothing I did would change the outcome.

I stopped fighting.

Downstairs, all the way to the car, he never let go of my hand.

Even after we got in, when I tried to draw it back, he wouldn’t release it.

“Hứa Trăn, come to Hong Kong with me.”

“What for? To be your secret mistress, like rich men used to keep?”

I laughed at myself.

Even the Chu family looked down on me. What hope did I have with Trần Tông Nguyệt?

Looking back now, their behavior toward him had been more than the simple courtesy I’d imagined.

And Chu Cảnh Hoài might genuinely have been afraid of this Fourth Brother.

“That isn’t how the Trần family does things.”

“Then you’d marry me?”

I looked at the man beside me, my smile never reaching my eyes.

“If you’re willing—”

“Forget it. I know my place.”

I cut him off quietly.

Right now, I wanted neither romance nor marriage.

I only wanted a life of my own.

How ridiculous that I couldn’t even decide whether to keep the baby inside me.

But I had been the one to approach him.

I had brought this on myself. There was no one else to blame, and I could only swallow the bitter consequences.

My one remaining fear was this: if the child had to be born, he would surely take it back to the Trần family.

And after carrying it for ten months and suffering through childbirth, would I still be able to let it go?

24

First, he took me to the Chu family’s other residence to pack.

Then, that same night, he brought me to his home in Beijing.

It wasn’t particularly large, but every detail was exquisite.

I followed him to the main courtyard in the southeast.

Through the gate, in the front hall, a large desk came into view.

His brush, ink, paper, and inkstone were laid out there, along with sutras waiting to be copied.

Most astonishing of all was the little duck-shaped humidifier I had given him, still standing at one corner.

Something so childish looked completely out of place.

I had assumed he hadn’t taken it when he left.

I couldn’t help glancing at him.

He removed his coat, handed it to a servant, and said softly, “Beijing is too dry. I’m not used to it, so I’ve kept using it.”

Without waiting for an answer, he asked a servant to take me to my room for a bath.

But she led me to the master bedroom, not a guest room.

I hesitated, then reconsidered.

Trần Tông Nguyệt and I had already slept together more than once.

I was carrying his child.

There seemed little point in pretending to stand on ceremony now.

I went straight into the bathroom.

When I came out, the servants had laid out fresh, clean loungewear.

I changed and went downstairs for something to eat.

He was still bent over his sutras.

As I finished my bowl of chicken and fish maw soup, he set down his brush.

Our eyes met, and I found myself remembering that little courtyard at the Chu house.

The couch behind his desk.

Trần Tông Nguyệt beneath me on it.

He looked thin and a little pale. Years of holding a brush had left faint calluses on his fingers.

Yet he was so strong.

Heat gathered unexpectedly around my waist and lower belly.

I hurriedly looked away.