Chapter 2

He had mentioned divorce.

Perhaps it wasn’t only because he thought I was carrying another man’s children.

He had never liked me. He had never wanted the marriage his grandfather arranged.

My pregnancy merely gave him a reason to end it.

I put those thoughts aside and nodded.

If he still insisted when the time came, I could let go and give him his freedom.

A trace of loss flickered in his eyes.

“I’ll keep this from Grandpa for now. We’ll tell people I’m taking you abroad for treatment for your vocal cords.”

I made an OK sign.

He rose and left.

Afterward, he kept my pregnancy secret and took me abroad, settling me in a private villa.

Besides three carers, I had a driver and two private doctors: one to monitor my pregnancy, the other to treat my vocal cords.

He gave me a card with no spending limit.

I had to admit that he looked after me very well.

I began to see that he was warmhearted beneath his reserve, careful in how he treated others.

Even believing I had betrayed him and become pregnant by someone else, he wasn’t cruel.

Instead, he took care of everything.

Perhaps not loving me made it easier for him to be generous.

Or perhaps, because I had agreed to leave quietly, this was his way of compensating me.

A month later, he flew over and stayed at the villa.

“I’m here on business,” he explained casually. “I’m not used to hotels.”

He was a busy man. Normally, he flew home as soon as his work was done.

This time, he stayed three days.

During the day, he worked on his phone and laptop.

When he had a little free time, he asked as though it were nothing.

“I’m going out. Would you like to come?”

I was afraid of social situations. Usually, I asked the carers to buy things or ordered online.

I didn’t dare visit crowded places or eat out. I was afraid of being laughed at when people didn’t understand my signing.

When I didn’t respond, he added, “It doesn’t have to be a shopping mall. We could get groceries, have dinner, see a film, walk in the park, visit an art exhibition.”

“You shouldn’t stay in the villa all the time. Get out a little.”

So all that roundabout talk was simply an invitation.

I signed, “The supermarket, then?”

He nodded.

“All right.”

I felt remarkably safe going out with He Yanchuan.

He understood everything I signed and always helped me communicate with other people.

After shopping, we had dinner.

While waiting for our food, I asked, “Why do you understand all my signs?”

He handed me a glass of juice.

“I learned.”

No wonder he was so fluent.

I took a sip. My favorite flavor.

“When?”

He looked at me, his gaze deep.

“Five years ago.”

I remembered our first meeting.

Five years earlier.

I had gone to an aquarium. It was enormous and packed with people, and the signs weren’t clear enough.

My feet ached, but I still couldn’t find the exit.

I gathered the courage to ask passersby in sign language.

They laughed.

“What, are you mute?”

“Mutes visit aquariums, too?”

“Are you directing traffic? That’s hilarious.”

“Not everyone understands your hands. Next time, stick a note on your forehead: I’m mute.”

“Pretty little thing. Call me gege, and I’ll show you the way.”

I lowered my hands.

Holding back tears, I turned and ran from the crowd.

He Yanchuan pushed through them and called me back.

“You can’t find the exit, right? I’ll take you.”

I never forgot that kind young man’s face.

He led me all the way to the aquarium entrance and watched me get into a taxi.

A year and a half earlier, his grandfather had offered to introduce his grandson.

At first, I had no interest in marrying into a wealthy family.

Then I saw He Yanchuan and recognized the man who had helped me five years before.

That was why I agreed.

I didn’t know whether he remembered me.

He had never mentioned it after our wedding.

It had been so long. Surely he had forgotten.

But now he said he had learned sign language five years ago.

Was that a coincidence?

***

A month after he returned home, he flew over again.

“Business again?” I signed. “Not used to hotels?”

He nodded.

“Yes.”

I didn’t expose him.

His grandfather had already told me he would spend the weekend with me.

That weekend, he took me to an aquarium.

It wasn’t crowded like the one back home, but he still held my hand firmly, afraid I would get lost.

As we passed the exit, he pointed at the sign.

“That’s the way out. Remember it.”

I stopped.

He did remember our first meeting.

I went to the restroom, leaving him outside.

When I emerged, I saw him talking to a woman some distance away.

Unless I was mistaken, it was Yu Tang.

I had seen their graduation photograph in his study. She had stood directly in front of him.

I hadn’t expected her to be here.

Such a convenient coincidence.

I didn’t believe it.

I lingered in the restroom.

By the time I came out, she was gone.

He seemed distracted.

The next day, he flew home.

Later, a photograph arrived from an unknown number.

He Yanchuan sat in a first-class seat, his eyes closed.

From the angle, whoever took it had been sitting beside him.

I searched the number on WeChat.

The profile picture was Yu Tang’s.

Of course.

The photograph set my mind turning.

I assumed they had flown home together.

Perhaps he had come to collect Yu Tang and visited me in passing to please his grandfather.

And I had almost let myself be moved.

After he returned, our mutual friend Jiang Qing told me she had happened to see him having coffee with Yu Tang.

She even sent me a photograph.

[Xia Yu, if you don’t come back, Yu Tang is going to steal your husband.]

I stared at the message, hollow.

Now I was even more certain he wanted a divorce because he had never forgotten her.

They had a history. If she truly wanted him back, I had no chance.

***

When I was eight months pregnant, he came again.

That afternoon, while we walked in the garden, he stopped.

“Xia Yu. Tell me the truth. Who is the father?”

Half joking and half serious, I signed, “You.”

He laughed with a trace of mockery.

“What, I got you pregnant through the power of thought?”

For a moment, I almost told him.

Then I held back.

If he knew I had taken advantage of him while he was unconscious, he would surely be disgusted.

I didn’t want to ruin what he thought of me.

The next day, he took me shopping for the babies.

He chose everything with such care that I wanted to confess again.

Then his phone rang.

A glance showed me Yu Tang’s name.

He moved away to answer.

From a distance, I could see they were arguing.

Something I would never be able to do like that.

Treatment for my voice had made little progress.

The doctor said it would take time.

He Yanchuan wanted a healthy partner. Someone who could talk, laugh, wheedle, even quarrel with him.

Simple things I couldn’t do.

My insecurity left me without the courage to tell him.

When he returned, he asked, “What were you about to say?”

I shook my head.

“Nothing.”

He went to pay.

I avoided his eyes the whole way home.

Once there, I locked my bedroom door. Thinking of him talking to Yu Tang made my eyes sting.

After a while, he knocked.

“Xia Yu. Open the door.”

I did and signed, “What is it?”

“Have you been crying?”

I shook my head.

“No.”

“You’re upset about that call, aren’t you?”

“No. Just tired.”

His voice softened.

“If you’re unhappy, tell me. Don’t keep it to yourself.”

“And don’t shut me out. Words aren’t the only way to express yourself. There are other ways.”

He opened his call history and selected the new number Yu Tang had used.

[Block this number?]

He took my hand and placed it on the screen.

“Will you block her for me?”

I understood.

He was teaching me to show what I felt.

If I was jealous, I could express it rather than hide it.

I pressed Block.

He had blocked her old number long ago. She had called from a new one.

After blocking it myself, I felt lighter.

He drew me into his arms.

“If I upset you in future, bite me,” he murmured by my ear. “Let me know you’re angry.”

He had said we would divorce after I gave birth.

But in recent months, he hadn’t behaved like someone ending a marriage.

He seemed to be trying to build one.

At that moment, I wanted to hold him.

After a little hesitation, I did.

He smiled and stroked my back.

“If you can’t say it, show me?”

I nodded.

I was learning.