Chapter 2

“When you first gave her a few things, I thought you were helping a relative. When you composed poetry for her, I thought you simply enjoyed each other's company.

“But today, when someone asked who I was, you hesitated for so long. If I kept pretending not to understand, even I would despise myself.”

Qin Zhaoye's lips moved.

I went on packing the chest, my voice calm.

“You want to look after her. I've never stopped you. You want to cover for her. I've never made a scene. But you expect me to stand by while you give her my place, little by little, and then ask why I can't be more understanding.

“I don't want that life anymore.”

His voice suddenly softened.

“Ah Heng, there is nothing between us.”

“If there's nothing between you, ask my cousin to find somewhere else to stay tomorrow. If you have other intentions, don't drag this out. Sign the agreement.”

Qin Zhaoye stared at the divorce agreement on the table and didn't move for a long time.

Two days earlier, I had asked a clerk I knew to draw it up. The division of property was clear.

I would take my dowry, the floral-water shop, and the private savings I had accumulated over the years. The Qin family's official residence, estate, and servants would remain theirs.

“You've been planning this for some time?” he asked.

“I began preparing the first time you gave my cousin floral water I'd made for a customer's order.”

He looked as though something had caught in his throat. Shame and anger crossed his face.

“Zhaoye,” Liu Hanyan called softly from the doorway.

I turned.

She stood in a thin cloak, pale-faced, her eyes brimming.

“Ah Heng, everything today was my fault. I'll leave tomorrow. Don't be angry with Zhaoye.”

“You needn't move out in the middle of the night, Cousin. Stay in the main courtyard for now. But your allowance, maids, clothes, and meals must all have fixed limits. Qin Zhaoye's salary is only so much, and I won't be putting any more of my money into this household. That should spare us any confusion later.”

She stood still, her fingers tightening around her handkerchief.

“When did you become so mercenary?” Qin Zhaoye demanded.

I closed the last account book.

“Call me mercenary if you like. For years, most of the household's social expenses and servants' wages have passed through my hands.

“Now that I'm no longer advancing the money for you, the accounts will speak for themselves.”

I picked up my pot of banksia roses and walked past him.

He called my name.

I didn't turn back.

When the eastern courtyard gate closed, it shut out every sound beyond it.

I slept deeply that night. I didn't even hear the rain outside.

5.

The next day, I left the Qin household with my dowry and my jars of floral water.

I didn't retreat to a convent or seek out someone to weep to.

In the west of the city stood a little property my mother had given me as a dowry shop. Two shop rooms faced the street, with a small courtyard behind them. For several years, an elderly stationer had rented it to sell brushes and ink. He had now gone home to retire, leaving the place conveniently vacant.

I refurbished the front as the Hengwu Fragrance Workshop, put up bamboo racks for drying flowers in the back, and brought in two capable women from the estate.

My first large order after leaving the Qin household was still Madam Xu's batch of floral water.

I went to her residence myself to apologize. The Crabapple Blossom Water would be two days late, I told her, and I would add two pots of banksia rose balm as a gift.

She wasn't angry. Instead, she took my hand and spoke quietly.

“I've heard a little about Lord Qin. You did the right thing.”

I smiled. “Rest assured, Madam. Business is business. My floral water won't disappoint you.”

She looked at me, then laughed.

“I meant to offer you a little comfort, but I see I needn't have worried. I'm holding a flower-viewing party next month. I'll leave the floral water and the guests' gifts to you.”

With that order, business at the workshop began to go well.

When I made fragrances at the Qin residence, I had treated it as a pastime. I even concealed some of the accounts, afraid Qin Zhaoye would think I was disgracing him by doing business in public. Now that I no longer had to hide, I discovered far more people in the capital wanted floral waters, scented balms, and fragrance beads than I had imagined.

Wealthy ladies wanted exquisite workmanship; ordinary women needed affordable prices. I made different ranges for them.

I bought fallen blossoms from flower growers too. What couldn't be distilled I dried for sachets. Even the scraps had a use.

Half a month later, Qin Zhaoye came to the workshop.

He stood at the door with dust on his blue official robes. I was teaching two young women to press incense cakes, my hands covered in cinnamon powder. When I saw him, I merely asked an assistant to bring him tea.

“You're living in a place like this?” he asked, frowning.

“It's close to the flower market. Deliveries are easier.”

“If you're short of money, you need only tell me.”

I pressed the pattern firmly into the incense mold before replying.

“The workshop has already made sales this month. You needn't trouble yourself, husband.”

Hearing me still call him my husband, he relaxed a little.

“I knew you were still angry. Ah Heng, I haven't signed the divorce agreement. Hanyan has moved to a separate residence, and I've made matters clear to her.”

“Your arrangements are no concern of mine.”

“Come home. There's a great deal waiting for you to see to.”

I washed my hands and gave him a bill.

“The Qin household owes the workshop twenty-six taels this month. The Crabapple Blossom Water, the soft gauze, the things you took earlier, and the furnishings for the Waterside Pavilion are all listed here. If you think I should come back, settle this first.”

His face turned livid.

A few young women buying sachets struggled not to laugh. Even the assistant lowered his head and pretended to count copper coins.

“You're keeping accounts even with me?” he asked through clenched teeth.

I pushed the bill toward him.

“Every time you took something for my cousin, you said a family shouldn't keep such strict accounts. Now that we're living apart, surely they ought to be clearer still.”

He hadn't brought enough silver. In the end, he sent his servant home for it.

I accepted the money, then wrapped up a box of our cheapest mosquito-repelling incense for him.

“There are plenty of mosquitoes in summer. This will be useful when you read at night, Lord Qin.”

He stood holding the box for a long time before leaving.

6.

Liu Hanyan soon came calling too.

She arrived in a veiled hat and took it off once inside. Her formerly fair face looked weary, but her clothes were as fine as ever, silver-thread waves embroidered along the cuffs.

“Ah Heng, Zhaoye has been coming here often lately,” she began without preamble. “If you want a divorce, why keep him dangling?”

I was helping a customer choose a fragrance. I laughed.

“Just in time, Cousin. Help me decide: would gardenia or banksia rose suit this lady better?”

The customer, a forthright merchant's wife, answered for herself.

“Banksia rose. Gardenia is too sweet. It gives me a headache after a while.”

I wrapped her banksia rose sachet. Only after she had gone did I invite Liu Hanyan to sit.

“Whether Qin Zhaoye comes here is his own affair. He has legs of his own. I don't invite him or ask him to stay. If it bothers you, speak to him.”

Her fingers tightened on her handkerchief.

“You know perfectly well he cares for you.”

“Whomever he cares for has nothing to do with my business.”

A crack appeared in her fragile expression.

“You've always pretended to be generous. You gave me the main courtyard and pushed him toward me. Now he has turned back, who is this performance for?”

“What do you want, Cousin? Say it plainly.”

She faltered.

“Do you want Qin Zhaoye to marry you, or do you want me to go on paying your expenses?” I poured her warm water. “You'll have to ask him about the first. The second isn't possible. He's paid half your Jiangnan debt. He can't find the remaining several hundred taels, which is why he came to ask whether I could advance him the workshop's takings.”

She jerked her head up, setting the fine veil of her hat trembling.

Qin Zhaoye hadn't told her.

Perhaps he wanted to save face with her, and at the same time see how much of my old affection remained.

I closed the accounts.

“I refused. I earned the workshop's money myself, coin by coin. The Qin family has never invested in it. Nor have you.”

Her tears fell.

“My husband left those debts. I didn't choose them.”

“You didn't borrow the money, but you lived that life. The jewelry, the fabrics, the deeds to the estates you received in Jiangnan—sell whatever can be sold and cover your own shortfall first. If that truly isn't enough, ask your uncle on your mother's side. Nobody in the capital is obliged to clear up after you.”

She stared at me. The hurt in her eyes slowly turned to resentment.

“Now that you have money, you look down on me.”

I rose to fetch an account book.

“I didn't look down on you when I had no money either. I was simply so busy clearing up the family's mess that I never stopped to work out how much I had left for myself.”

She got up and hurried out, forgetting even to put on her veiled hat.

Qin Zhaoye came earlier than usual that evening.

The moment he entered, he asked whether I had told Liu Hanyan about the debt.

“She asked. I answered.”

He looked exhausted. “She's suffered enough.”

“Then all the more reason to work within your means instead of taking everything upon yourself.”

He rubbed his forehead. After a long pause, he said, “Ah Heng, I never knew how hard all the things you did were.”

I turned the newly drying petals before answering.

“Knowing that now won't bring back what we had. Whenever you went out to attend to your social obligations, someone took care of the accounts, sick servants, and household visits. Now that those things have fallen to you, you've discovered they're a nuisance.”

He stood in the evening light, looking rather diminished.

I, meanwhile, remembered I had to visit the flower market for fresh banksia roses the next morning, and told the assistant to close early.

7.

My mother came after Liu Hanyan had moved to the separate residence.

She sat beneath the pomegranate tree in the workshop's back courtyard, dressed in a sober dark-brown overjacket.

First she praised the neatness of my shop. Then she remarked that the world outside was unforgiving: a divorced woman going about the streets every day was bound to invite gossip.

I brought her tea and waited for her to reach the point.

Sure enough, she sighed.

“Ah Heng, Hanyan has suffered. If her husband's debts become a scandal in the capital, all the girls of our Ruan family will be implicated. Qin Zhaoye says that if you'll go home, he's willing to help her manage for a while.”

I gently set down the lid of my teacup and looked at her without speaking.

“You mean I should pay the debts with the workshop's money, then return to the Qin household as mistress of the house?”

She avoided my eyes.

“You've been married for years. What difficulty can a husband and wife not overcome? Zhaoye knows he was wrong.”

“What, exactly, do you think he understands he did wrong?”

My mother frowned.

“You're a woman. Why must you insist on getting to the bottom of everything?”

“Because I used to swallow everything I wanted to say, and everyone took that to mean I accepted it all.” I looked at her. “Do you remember that you gave me only two shops when I married? When the Qin family couldn't afford my father-in-law's birthday banquet, I sold one to make up the difference. You told me a family shouldn't draw such clear lines.”

Her face darkened. She gripped her handkerchief.

“Later, Qin Zhaoye helped his colleagues, lent money to my cousin's brother-in-law, and bought Liu Hanyan clothes and other things. Which of those didn't come out of my pocket? Now I refuse to pay, and suddenly I'm the one who doesn't care about the family.”

“Your cousin isn't like you,” my mother said at last. “She's gentle and weak, with no one to help her. How could I abandon her?”

I couldn't help laughing.

“If you're worried about her, Mother, help her yourself. But don't make arrangements for my dowry or my workshop again.”

She struck the table.

“Ruan Heng! You've grown so independent you won't even acknowledge your own mother?”

The assistant working in the courtyard froze in fright.

I remained seated and had the courtyard gate shut securely.

“I do acknowledge you. That's why I offered you tea and listened to everything you had to say. But I won't accept anyone using family affection to make decisions or borrow money on my behalf.”

From the drawer, I took a copy of the divorce agreement and the lists of money I had sent to my mother's household over the years.

“These were my gifts to you. I'm not asking for them back. But from today, anyone who asks to borrow money on the strength of being family will sign a note and repay principal and interest each month. If you think that makes me an unfilial daughter, you're welcome to tell the clan.”

My mother looked at the stack of lists. Her lips trembled, but in the end she didn't take them.

She was so angry when she left that she forgot her umbrella.

I sent a maid after her with it. The maid returned to say my mother had thrown it down at the gate and climbed into her carriage.

I put the umbrella in the cupboard.

It rained heavily the next day. The umbrella came in handy for sheltering customers as they arrived.