Chapter 4

On the way back, Shen Que asked me, “You know the second young master?”

I was just about to say no when he continued.

“That coldhearted younger brother of mine cares about no one but Grandmother. He barely acknowledges me, his own elder brother. Yet just now, he actually spoke up for you. That's rare.”

Shen Que abruptly stopped.

He fixed his eyes on me.

“He says he doesn't know you. I don't believe a word of it.”

Shen Yu and I did know each other. In fact, we had once been very close.

The marquis's wife had died after giving birth to Shen Yu.

The marquis blamed her death on him, saying he had killed his own mother.

Having lost his mother, Shen Que was also very cold toward his younger brother.

Old Madam was the only person in the household who treated him kindly.

When I entered the household at eight, Shen Yu was only two years older than me.

As a child, he was gloomy and withdrawn, often doing things no one could understand.

The first time I saw him was beside the pond in the marquis's back garden.

He stood there without a word, staring down at the water.

It was winter. Only a few withered lotus leaves remained in the pond. Even the carp Old Madam kept there were nowhere to be seen. I could not imagine what there was to look at.

Yet he seemed absorbed.

Whenever I swept the courtyard, my eyes were drawn to him. I kept stealing glances.

Shen Yu was handsome, lovelier even than the celestial child beside the statue of Guanyin in Old Madam's Buddhist hall.

But he never smiled. His pretty face was always clouded with gloom.

If only he would smile a little.

The thought had barely crossed my mind when I turned and saw Shen Yu jump into the pond without a moment's hesitation.

I was so startled that I ran over and jumped in after him without thinking.

Fortunately, when my father was still alive, he had often taken me down to the river to catch fish.

I was a very good swimmer.

But our thick winter clothes were heavy. It took all my strength to drag Shen Yu out.

I was exhausted and furious.

I had only just joined the household. The moment the matrons taught me a rule, I forgot it.

I launched straight into a scolding.

“How could you be so careless? You could die jumping in there. Do you know that?”

“Your mother went through so much to bring you into the world, and this is how you treat yourself? How heartbroken would she be if she knew?”

“Idiot!”

“Do it again, and I won't help you.”

That was what I said. But when I saw his face, red with cold, I could not scold him anymore.

It was freezing.

I took him to find a maid.

Shen Yu was out of favor with the marquis, and the household maids looked down on him too.

But he was still a master.

Seeing him drenched from head to foot, the maid was alarmed and hurried him back to his room.

Only then did I stop worrying.

Shivering, I went back to the side rooms to change.

Shen Yu had never been strong, and afterward he fell seriously ill.

Old Madam had all the maids responsible for him whipped.

I did not see him again for a very long time.

When I finally did, he had grown thinner.

I was sweeping fallen leaves in the courtyard. He stood beneath the covered walkway and watched me all afternoon.

Once I had finished, he came over and pressed a packet of sugar-coated hawthorn into my hand.

The fresh fruit was covered in a thick layer of sugar. It was sweet and delicious.

After that, Shen Yu often came to see me.

Every time, he pressed a packet of snacks into my hands.

Embarrassed to keep accepting his gifts, I gave him little things in return, things that cost nothing.

In spring, I gave him flowers from the courtyard. In summer, cicadas I had just caught. In autumn, a few pretty leaves.

In winter, when there really was nothing to give him, I made him a snowman.

When I was twelve, a Daoist who looked very formidable came to the household and asked to take Shen Yu as his disciple.

The marquis agreed without a second thought.

When Shen Yu left, he did not take so much as a change of clothes.

His bundle was full of the little odds and ends I had given him over the years.

Apart from my parents, no one in the world had ever treated me as well as Shen Yu.

In my previous life, he had not come home for my wedding to Shen Que. But he had quietly arranged for a chest to be sent to me.

It was full of valuables, his contribution to my dowry.

“Our second young master isn't here.”

Shen Yu was angry, and I truly did not know how to make it up to him.

After so many years apart, I no longer knew what he liked.

I thought it over and eventually made some pastries myself. I took them to him, intending to apologize in person.

But his servant stopped me at the door.

I did not know whether he was really out or simply refusing to see me.

All I could do was leave the pastries with his servant and ask him to pass them on.

Night fell.

I was about to return to my room when I heard a sound beyond the courtyard wall.

I opened the gate.

Shen Yu stood outside.

His personal servant was beside him.

He had come so late to explain what had happened that afternoon.

“I went out early this morning. I've only just come home and heard that you brought me pastries today.”

“I tried them. They were delicious.”

I smiled, teasing him.

“Did you come all this way just to tell me that?”

Shen Yu smiled too.

“Not entirely.”

The late-autumn night wind already carried a chill.

I offered an explanation.

“Yesterday, I pushed you behind the wall because I was afraid the matron would see you in the plum grove too. There would have been no way to explain.”

Shen Yu looked steadily at me.

“I understand what you were afraid of. I wouldn't be angry with you over that.”

He fell silent for a moment. When I said nothing, he asked, “And?”

The servant behind him sneaked a look up at me. When I caught him, he quickly lowered his head again.

And?

I looked at Shen Yu, puzzled.

“Why are you keeping your distance from me?”

I still did not know how to answer.

How could I tell him I had lived two lives? That in the first, his elder brother had schemed against me, and through a cruel twist of fate, I had once been his sister-in-law?

At last, after turning it over in my mind, I raised my eyes to him and smiled gently.

“I love the beads you gave me, Second Young Master.”

Shen Yu would understand what I meant.

He went still for a moment, then the shadow in his eyes slowly cleared.

“I'm glad you like them.”

His steps were much lighter when he left.

I watched him walk away, then closed the courtyard gate.

When I turned around, Shen Que was standing beneath the covered walkway.

He must have been there for some time. A dry leaf rested on his shoulder.

I did not know how much of my conversation with Shen Yu he had heard.

I stood where I was, waiting for his questions.

But Shen Que said nothing.

He simply looked at me in silence for a long time, then turned and went back to his room.

This life was different from the last.

Old Madam had suppressed the scandal involving Shen Que and Tan Yin. Word had not spread beyond the household.

A date had been set for Shen Que's marriage to the chancellor's daughter.

Before the wedding, he even saw to Tan Yin's departure himself.

In my previous life, the chancellor's family had blocked Shen Que's official career after he broke the engagement.

Thinking back now, the things he said while tormenting me at night had never really been meant for me.

He could not bring himself to say such cruel things to the woman he loved, so he had taken his anger out on me instead.

She was the one he loved, after all.

Even though he had chosen a promising career in this life, Shen Que still did not treat Tan Yin poorly.

A house, land, gold, silver, jewels—he had prepared everything for her.

I reflected on how fortunate Tan Yin was to have Shen Que planning her future and clearing the way for her.

“Does the heir really want to send me away?”

Watching Tan Yin weep, I nodded.

“He says everything is arranged. Once you've left the household, he won't let you suffer.”

She kept looking back as she walked, reluctant to leave.

I watched her go out through the back gate.

A single carriage waited for her in the narrow alley.

Just as she was about to get in, a group of men appeared from nowhere. They knocked her unconscious, gagged her, and stuffed her into a sack.

Their leader went to the end of the alley and exchanged a few words with someone dressed as a maid. Then he received a pouch of silver.

I recognized her. She was the chancellor's daughter's personal maid.

The older woman beside her, a nursemaid, was her own mother and handled purchases for the chancellor's household.

I had met her in the street a few days earlier and exchanged a few words with her.

I closed the gate.

Outside, I heard the nursemaid spit.

“Shameless little seductress. How dare she go after our young lady's man?”

Her daughter cautioned her.

“Keep your voice down. Don't let anyone hear.”

“Our young lady said to leave no loose ends.”

I turned and walked away.

Shen Que had only told me to escort Tan Yin out of the household.

The rest was beyond my control.

The next day, a body surfaced in the river outside the city.

The authorities summoned a steward from the marquis's household to identify it.

Once it was confirmed to be Tan Yin, Shen Que shut himself in his study and refused to see anyone.

But that did not interfere with his wedding to the chancellor's daughter.

The marquis's household had not had a celebration in years.

This wedding was particularly lively.

I was assigned to hand out wedding sweets to the guests.

During the ceremony, Shen Que suddenly turned and glanced at me.

I looked away.

Then I went back to my work.

The heir's new wife proved swift and decisive.

On the very next day, she replaced every maid in Shen Que's courtyard with servants brought from her own family.

And so I returned to Old Madam's courtyard.

Old Madam had been very busy lately.

Now that Shen Que was married, she had begun arranging a match for Shen Yu.

He could bear no more of it.

“Grandmother, you needn't look for a bride for me. There's already someone I love.”

Old Madam immediately put down the portrait scroll in her hands.

“Why didn't you tell me sooner? Which family's daughter is she?”

Shen Yu looked toward me but did not answer.

Before Old Madam could question him further, he excused himself, saying he had official business.

The Daoist who had come to the household all those years ago was the current Imperial Preceptor.

The court had been unsettled lately. As the Imperial Preceptor's disciple, Shen Yu was so busy he scarcely had time to rest.

The struggle for the throne between Prince Qi and Prince Jing was now out in the open.

I was only a maid in the marquis's household. I knew little of the details.

All I knew was that Prince Qi had taken the throne, while Prince Jing had been defeated and fled.

The chancellor had belonged to Prince Jing's faction. He fell with him.

Even Shen Que was implicated.

The marquis's household escaped the turmoil only because Shen Yu, the Imperial Preceptor's sole personally taught disciple, held it together.

That day, Shen Yu came to see Old Madam.

“His Majesty has ordered a house-to-house search. Sooner or later, they'll find him.”

“He conspired with the rebel prince. His Majesty will never pardon him.”

Shen Que had not returned to the household for half a month.

Old Madam understood how serious the matter was.

She nodded.

“Go.”

“For the sake of this family, and because he is your elder brother, give him an easy death if you can.”

Shen Yu knelt and bowed his forehead to the ground.

“There's one more thing, Grandmother.”

She motioned for him to speak.

Shen Yu glanced at me.

“When I return, I want to marry the woman I love.”

Old Madam looked toward me too.

After a moment's silence, she finally nodded her consent.

I hurried after Shen Yu.

“I know where he is.”

In my previous life, once Tan Yin became pregnant, Shen Que had sent her to a country estate to await the birth.

It was remote and secluded.

An ideal place to hide someone.

While managing the household, I had noticed a problem in that estate's accounts.

I had barely arrived to inspect the ledgers when Shen Que came rushing over.

He had never cared when I checked the accounts at other estates.

Only this one.

He would not let me examine the ledgers or ask questions.

For the heir's wife, I had been truly abject. Afraid to offend him, I could only let it go.

Thinking back afterward, Tan Yin had not gone home to visit her family at all. If Shen Que wanted to hide her while she was pregnant, he must have put her on one of the estates.

Now that same place had become his own hiding place.

Shen Que showed no surprise when he saw Shen Yu and me.

“I thought so.”

He looked at me and smiled.

“If anyone could find this place, it could only be you.”

“Yun He, it's been a long time.”

Shen Que had been reborn too.

He led his men in a desperate fight against Shen Yu.

But it was nothing more than the last struggle of a cornered animal.

Shen Que lost.

Covered in blood, he stood among the bodies.

Looking at me, he smiled and said to Shen Yu, “Do you know that the woman beside you used to be your sister-in—”

Before he could finish, Shen Yu's arrow cut through the air.

It struck Shen Que squarely in the forehead.

On the way home, Shen Yu held my hand, but his fingertips would not stop trembling.

Inside the carriage, he buried his face against my neck.

“I had a dream. In it, I watched you marry someone else.”

His voice caught.

“I hated myself in that dream. Why didn't I dare fight for you, just once?”

I patted his back gently.

And softly comforted him.

The End