Chapter 2

The night was still. Everything lay at peace.

Only my heart refused to settle.

After two years of marriage, this was the first time Shen Que had set foot in my courtyard.

From that day on, he spent every night in my room.

At night he warmed my feet; by day he helped me paint my brows.

Knowing how much I liked the pastries from Yufangzhai, he even went to buy them himself.

Whenever Old Madam scolded me over mistakes in the accounts, he was always there to defend me.

It was so easy to fall in love with Shen Que.

In less than two months, I was pregnant.

Shen Que became even more attentive.

He insisted on preparing my pregnancy medicine himself.

Sometimes I would sit in a daze. The happiness felt so real, yet so much like a dream.

Then, when I gave birth, Tan Yin returned to the household.

And at last I woke from my dream.

My child was born prematurely, and the delivery left me terribly weak.

Shen Que used that as his reason for giving control of the household back to Tan Yin.

Then he said, “You're unwell. You can barely look after yourself. How can you raise a child properly? Why not let Tan Yin take care of the baby?”

I could give up control of the household without a fight. But I had nearly died bringing that child into the world.

I refused. For the first time, I wept and argued with him.

“I can take good care of our child. And if I can't manage, there's still the wet nurse. Please, can't you let the baby stay with me?”

“I've only just given birth, and you already want to separate us.”

“Shen Que, how can you be so cruel?”

Shen Que turned his face away.

All he said was, “Get well first. We can still have other children.”

No matter how fiercely I protested, he carried the baby away in the end.

Saying I needed peace and quiet to recover, Shen Que confined me to my courtyard and forbade me to leave.

I pined for my child until I fell ill. My condition grew steadily worse.

Only two months later, the maid attending me ran to tell Shen Que, “Your wife is dying.”

That day, Shen Que flew into a rage.

He demanded to know how the maids had been looking after me.

Then he sent the steward into the palace with his jade token to summon an imperial physician.

Yet from beginning to end, he never dared look at me, not even once.

Tan Yin, on the other hand, came over and took my hand.

“Thanks to you, the heir and I can spend the rest of our lives together.”

“But you needn't feel wronged. Marrying him was more good fortune than you could have earned in several lifetimes.”

“He and I love each other. He arranged that cup of wine himself. If you hadn't interfered, I would have been his wife.”

So that was it.

Tears slipped from the corners of my eyes.

But I was dying. None of that mattered anymore.

All I wanted now was to see my child one last time.

When I mentioned the baby, Tan Yin leaned close to my ear and murmured, “You needn't concern yourself with that child anymore. He's my own flesh and blood. I carried him for ten months and gave birth to him myself. Of course I'll raise him.”

“As for your premature baby, you'll see it soon enough once you're dead.”

Only then did I understand. What Shen Que had given me had never been medicine to protect my pregnancy.

It had been a drug to induce labor, so that Tan Yin and I would give birth on the same day.

That way, they could switch the babies and bring her son into the marquis's household as its legitimate heir.

Even those few months of tenderness between us had been a performance, planned from the start.

“Miss Tan Yin, hurry along. You mustn't keep Old Madam waiting.”

The servant from Old Madam's courtyard had come to urge her on.

Tan Yin was still hesitating.

I looked into her limpid eyes and put her mind at ease.

“We both serve in the heir's courtyard. Looking after him properly must come first.”

“Besides, once he sobers up, you can explain what happened. Even if Old Madam punishes you, you'll have him to protect you.”

Tan Yin had never wanted to go to Old Madam in the first place.

She knew Old Madam disliked her. Every summons meant enduring disapproving looks and questions; sometimes she was even punished with heavy chores.

Shen Que had spoiled her so thoroughly that she lived like a sheltered young lady. How could she bear such indignities?

But Shen Que was not yet married, and Old Madam managed the household's inner quarters.

However reluctant Tan Yin might be, whenever Old Madam sent for her, she had no choice but to go.

Now someone was offering to take her place. Naturally, she was delighted.

She was still afraid of being punished.

But she also thought what I said made perfect sense.

Whether she went or not made very little difference.

Once Shen Que woke, she would have someone to protect her anyway.

“You're right, Yun He.”

Tan Yin took my hand and smiled.

“The heir needs me here. I truly can't leave him now.”

“Then I'll have to trouble you to explain to Old Madam for me.”

The servant from Old Madam's courtyard said nothing more and led me away.

But the moment Old Madam saw that I was the one who had come, she frowned.

“Didn't I send for Tan Yin? Why have you come instead, little girl?”

I had been eight when I was sold into the marquis's household.

My face was sallow, my body so thin I scarcely looked human.

The woman responsible for buying servants had not wanted me.

“She's too young to be any use. And look at her! If that wretched face frightens one of our masters, I'll be the one blamed.”

The woman selling me had not wanted to take me back either.

“Oh, Matron, if you won't buy her, the girl will starve to death.”

The household servant looked me over a few more times, then waved her away all the same.

Just then, Old Madam happened to pass by and said I could stay.

“If she can't work, feed her for another two years. We can spare a bowl of rice.”

Old Madam named me Yun He and assigned me light sweeping duties in the Buddhist hall.

When I was fourteen, Shen Que's courtyard needed two more maids.

Thinking me honest and dependable, Old Madam sent me to serve him.

“The heir is drunk. He asked for Tan Yin by name.”

I lowered my head and spoke softly.

“She couldn't leave him, so she sent me to explain.”

Old Madam's frown deepened.

She asked me several more questions.

All of them, in one way or another, concerned Shen Que and Tan Yin.

I answered each one truthfully.

While we were talking, a voice suddenly rang out outside.

“Grandmother, I'm home.”

The clear, bright voice reached us before its owner appeared.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a figure in moon-white robes sweep past.

“Yun He?”

He stepped back and stopped in front of me.

I looked up at him, dazed for a long moment.

Old Madam sprang to her feet in excitement.

“Why didn't you send word? I could have had someone meet you.”

The household's second young master, Shen Yu, had returned.

The marquis's wife had died young. Old Madam had raised Shen Yu herself, and the bond between them was naturally deep.

Grandmother and grandson embraced and wept for a long time.

At last, Old Madam wiped her tears and ordered someone to take Shen Yu to rest.

As he passed me, he said, “It's been a long time.”

His voice was so quiet that only I could hear.

I stole a glance at Old Madam.

All her thoughts were on the grandson who had just come home.

She had noticed nothing else.

I lowered my eyes and stood silently to one side, waiting.

“You said the heir was drunk, and Tan Yin was the only one attending him in his room?”

Having settled Shen Yu in, Old Madam finally remembered the situation in Shen Que's courtyard.

She was instantly alarmed.

“Someone come!”

“To the heir's courtyard. Quickly!”

Old Madam ordered servants to surround the courtyard, then led the others straight into his room.

I watched Matron Liu drag Tan Yin out, her clothes in disarray.

She was flung onto the ground like a rag.

“Fortunately, we haven't come too late to prevent a disaster.”

Old Madam let out a breath of relief.

Then she turned to Tan Yin.

“Shameless creature. How dare you seduce the heir?”

“Take her away and beat her to death.”

The authority in Old Madam's voice sent a chill through everyone.

Tan Yin went deathly pale. Kneeling on the ground, she trembled and sobbed for mercy.

“Old Madam, I didn't seduce him. I don't know what happened either.”

No one would listen to her explanation.

Suddenly, I remembered myself in my previous life.

It had been just like this.

I had screamed myself hoarse, and still no one believed me.

Whether I lived or died was for others to decide.

But it was not entirely the same.

At least Shen Que's desire to protect Tan Yin was genuine.

“Grandmother.”

Shen Que gathered Tan Yin into his arms and shielded her.

“This has nothing to do with her.”

“Someone drugged me while I was out.”

In my previous life, Shen Que had saved me from Old Madam. Naturally, he could protect Tan Yin now.

Old Madam could not have been more disappointed in him.

“I got here in time today and sealed off this courtyard. That is the only reason we've been able to cover up this disgrace.”

“You're already betrothed. If word gets out, how do you propose to deal with it?”

She agreed to spare Tan Yin's life.

But that did not mean she would let her off easily.

“That girl's ambition is written all over her face. Even without that filthy drug, something was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“Whatever else happens, she can no longer serve in your rooms.”

Old Madam meant to take Tan Yin away.

Tan Yin hid in Shen Que's arms, weeping pitifully.

One look at her was enough to break his heart again. He refused to let her go.

“Where are you taking Tan Yin, Grandmother?”

Old Madam gave a cold snort.

“There will be a place for her.”

She ordered servants to restrain Shen Que and drag Tan Yin away.

Tan Yin knew nothing good awaited her in Old Madam's hands.

She kept screaming, “My lord, save me!”

Matron Liu produced something from somewhere and stuffed it into her mouth.

I had intended to follow them.

But Old Madam told me to stay in the heir's courtyard.

“There are plenty of maids here. I'd like to return to your side and serve you, Old Madam.”

Old Madam signaled for a matron to give me a small reward.

“I know you're a good, dutiful child.”

“If it hadn't been for you today, who knows what a disaster we might have had.”